The level of comfort in long-term relationships can be blissful...it can also be a reason for apathy.
A video on TikTok posted by Jillian Gottlieb (@jilliangottlieb) has gone viral after she revealed the half-hearted way her partner responded to her request for a foot massage. Since the video was posted on June 21, it has received 1.2 million views and 94,000 likes.
"When you ask for a foot rub in a long-term relationship," she captioned the video. "This is not what I ordered."
The video shows Gottlieb's face before switching to the back camera to reveal her partner, who grabs her foot playfully.
Viewers in the comments had mixed reactions to the video, with some giving Gottlieb's partner the benefit of the doubt and others saying his haphazardness was a red flag.
"The difference between red flag and green flag is if he was doing this just to be silly and goofy. I hope he was being silly and goofy," @boppityboo wrote.
"I just got out of an eight-and-a-half-year relationship where he did this," @smdecell1027 wrote. "I should have seen the signs. If he wanted to, he would."
"I have carpal tunnel and I asked my husband to massage my hands and he said, 'Can't you just massage it yourself?' Literally, no," @maidenlorraine wrote.
But viewers need not to jump to conclusions. When one person asked plainly: "Wait, is this like serious?" Gottlieb said no.
@jilliangottlieb this is not what i ordered
♬ Frolic (Theme from "Curb Your Enthusiasm" TV Show) - Luciano Michelini
Acts of service as a love language
Plenty in the comments were also keen to share their experiences of significant others jumping at the chance to help them relieve tension.
"I get tension headaches and my man will spend 30 minutes rubbing knots out of my neck," @dev_the_ginger wrote. "Get you an upgrade."
"I had to teach him," @thriftymushroom wrote. "But he was willing to learn. No physical touch in his household growing up. I was the first person to ever give him a back rub."
The impulse to help a partner with aches and pains could be interpreted as an act of service in the Five Love Languages framework by Gary Chapman.
Sejal Mehta Barden, executive director of the Marriage and Family Research Institute at the University of Central Florida, previously told Newsweek that acts of service are those that make our lives easier and make us "feel loved". They could be as simple as filling up a tank of gas, doing the dishes, or, as in Gottlieb's case, a foot rub.
Barden said that couples with different love languages can definitely work, but with varying degrees of effort needed. She recommended couples talk through and identify their love languages so they can meet each other's needs effectively when spending time together.
Newsweek reached out to @jilliangottlieb for comment via TikTok.
Uncommon Knowledge
Newsweek is committed to challenging conventional wisdom and finding connections in the search for common ground.
Newsweek is committed to challenging conventional wisdom and finding connections in the search for common ground.
