My Teenage Son Was Murdered—I Found Solace in an Unexpected Place

Twenty years ago, my son, Terrell, who was only 18 at the time, was shot while attending a party during a college break. His death left me reeling and forced me to grapple with profound questions while experiencing deep sorrow. How do I protect other sons and daughters from this fate that is playing out too often in our communities? As a father who has lost his son to violence, statistics are more than numbers.

In America, the top cause of death for young Black men aged 20-44 is homicide. Black boys under 19 face a higher risk of homicide-related death compared to other racial groups.

Terrell was shot by a young Black man who, as I have come to understand and accept, is also a victim. He is a casualty of a system that has historically marginalized, oppressed, and imprisoned Black men for generations.

My thoughts on this question weren't about excusing what Terrell's murderer did. I've never let anger define my life—instead, I chose to honor Terrell's memory by making sure other young people don't meet the same tragic fate he did.

Despite having witnessed violence my entire life, nothing prepares you for the death of a child. Grief is a lifelong experience and a constant shapeshifter. During my period of deep mourning after the murder of my son, I found solace in what some might find an unexpected place—a community of people who had once caused harm in the community but had since undergone training to become community violence interventionists (CVI).

My commitment to building and supporting violence intervention work was only deepened by my grief. I know that Terrell's murderer was also a victim, a victim of a country that dehumanized Black boys and men, that strips Black and Brown neighborhoods of resources and hope. I work on behalf of victims like Terrell, and people who cause harm, like his murderer. The two are connected.

Recently, I co-founded the Community Based Public Safety Association, a national organization dedicated to organizing, supporting, and advocating for professionals specializing in CVI.

We support grassroots, boots-on-the-ground organizations that are maintaining the safety of their communities. The CVI workers who make this work possible are extensively trained professionals. They leverage their personal experiences to mitigate the escalation of violence within their communities. Every day, these individuals are actively engaging with individuals who are at the highest risk of perpetrating or being affected by violence.

My journey has been immensely challenging and agonizing, and I am still working through it every day. The loss of my son and other violent experiences I have witnessed drives me to address violence from a public health standpoint, meaning those closest to the violence should be provided the necessary skills, tools, and resources to intervene, prevent, and treat it effectively.

We must emphasize the importance of involving more Black and Brown fathers in decision-making to uphold our community's long-standing tradition of protection.

The data shows that investing in CVI professionals saves lives and significantly reduces the economic burdens of violence. As reported by the Center for American Progress, certain cities, like Sacramento, that have implemented CVI programs have achieved remarkable cost savings.

Terrell would have celebrated his 38th birthday this year. In his memory, I am dedicated to advocating for increased support for Black and Brown communities. The federal, state, and local governments must recognize the urgency of this matter and show their commitment to public safety by providing accessible support and funding for CVI leaders. These leaders are at the forefront of efforts to address the endemic disproportionately impacting our population.

Aqeela Sherrills is a nationally recognized expert in victim service and community-based public safety. Aqeela has created and led multi-million-dollar nonprofit organizations focused on reducing violence and fostering safety in urban communities and advised The International Association of Chiefs of Police.

Aqeela is the Co-Founder and leader of the Community-Based Public Safety Collective. This work builds on his work with The Newark Community Street Team community-based violence reduction initiative, which he co-created and directed at the request of Newark, NJ's Mayor Ras Baraka in 2014. In the five years Aqeela led NCST, Newark's homicide rate went from 104 in 2015 to 51 in 2019.

All views expressed are the author's own.

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