Got Lost in the Orgasm Gap? — Three Experts on How to Improve Your Sexual Experiences

If I told you more than 50% of women were unsatisfied with their orgasms, would you believe me? The worst thing is, you probably would. This statistic didn't come as a surprise to me at all. The world of sex is a complex and often misunderstood place, especially for women, who are navigating an experience that has long been tailored only to men's pleasure. Even discussing women's orgasms is a topic often deemed too tricky to understand or "unlock", so why bother trying, right? Wrong.

The stats around women's sexual experiences only go downhill from here. In a recent survey of 1,500 women, Flo Health found that one in five say they're dissatisfied with their sex lives because of orgasm difficulties or a lack of communication with their partner about what they each desire from sex. Nearly a third of women pinpoint their low libido for their sexual dissatisfaction.

Shame and stigma around sex also affects women's sexual satisfaction. With the survey finding that one in 10 women find sex shameful, while others struggle with feeling comfortable with their body, as 62% can't say they are fully comfortable with how their vulva looks.

But it's not all doom and gloom, because women are keen to find the solutions to their sexual woes, with over half of those in the survey wanting to learn more about what turns them on and admitting that they'd love for their partner to learn what turns them on too. For others, when asked what aspect of their sex life they would like to improve the most, 42% of women in the survey said they want to be more comfortable with their own body.

These statistics prove an overall lack in women's sexual education and a desire for better sex. From learning how to grow in self-confidence, defining personal sexual needs and learning how to communicate preferences to a partner, it's time this crucial gap in traditional sexual education is bridged, especially amid the UK government's proposals around updating its statutory guidance for schools and introducing age limits for sex education and sensitive topics.

Flo Health is already making steps in the right direction with its new Unlock Your Orgasm program, which aims to empower women in exploring their sexuality and experiencing the pleasure they deserve without shame. The app offers a five-step journey led by sex therapist Casey Tanner, featuring engaging videos, shame-free self-discovery exercises, and fun take-home activities to spark sexual exploration.

I'm sure we can all agree that sex-ed at school was beyond awkward and since then, I can't really say I've learned anything new beyond my own experiences, or from the experiences of friends. Spaces like Flo's community forums and education pages are one of the few places I've found answers to my burning questions about sex and my sexual health, especially when I've been too embarrassed to chat with my GP. Gone are the days of searching to page eight of Google for answers to your sex queries. And to answer a few more, we enlisted the help of sex experts and counsellors, who shared their top tips with PS UK.

Samantha Marshall, sex expert and head of brand at Smile Makers

Gigi Engle, sex expert at sextoys.co.uk

Dr Michael Krychman, OBGYN, sex counsellor and chief medical consultant at Überlube

Sex expert and head of brand at Smile Makers, Samantha Marshall has always championed women's pleasure and most importantly, their orgasms in her work and shares three of her main tips for having satisfying sex and achieving better orgasms.

Masturbate to find your pleasure preferences
"The great thing about solo play is that you can truly discover the different ways you like to be stimulated, and where. It's not just about penetration, nor just the genitals; explore erogenous zones all over the body. Oh, and, still masturbate if you have a partner — solo discovery is an always-on, regardless of relationship status." And if you're ready to experiment with sex toys, Marshall recommends the Vibes of the Week limited edition box of seven vibrators, tailored for beginners.

Breathe
You know when you're excited and anticipating something happening, you might hold your breath? The same thing happens during pleasure and it can seriously impact our orgasm potential. Marshall tells us: "Breathing deep can help keep us present and in the moment. Plus physiologically speaking, our body needs oxygen as blood engorges the genitals. When you next feel close to an orgasm, breathe. Trust me."

Take the pressure off
While the orgasm gap is very real, the pressure to orgasm can ruin your experience and climax altogether, especially during partnered sex. "All pleasure is good, and sex is supposed to be fun, so treat orgasm as just a peak of pleasure and you might find you come more often anyway," Marshall tells us. "I also can't express enough how nobody's orgasm marks the end of sex, you get to decide together how sex ends — this way of thinking (projected by heteronormative ideas that depict the man climaxing as the end) is one of the many reasons why women fake orgasms, to end sex, which sets a precedent with your partner of how you experience pleasure that doesn't reflect what you actually enjoy and would like or need to reach climax authentically," she adds.

Dr Michael Krychman, sex counsellor and chief medical consultant at Überlube has revealed the ways you can increase your libido naturally to get you in the mood for sex.

Spice it up
Spicing up your sex life can help to boost your libido, whether it's trying a new sex game, extending foreplay or introducing some sexual products, like sex toys or a luxurious lube, like Überlube. Trying something new can bring back some of that excitement and help to get you going. Dr Krychman says: "Novelty will boost your humdrum sex life and may boost your libido too, by helping to release the feel good and love hormone. Spice it up with oral sex or other sexual adventures that you wouldn't consider."

Focus on your relationship
While there can be many factors affecting your low libido, focusing on your relationship could be a good place to start in getting it back up again. Dr Krychman tells us: "Many couples experience a lull in sexual intimacy and frequency during a variety of life changes they may be experiencing. Pregnancy, child rearing and even the duration of the relationship can influence your level of desire. Try to improve the communication with your partner, plan hot sexy date nights and spend quality time together outside of the bedroom."

Do not ignore medical and psychological conditions
Don't be afraid to confront your low libido and consult with your GP or healthcare professionals to see if there are contributing biological issues impacting your libido. "Chronic medical conditions, medications, depression and anxiety as well as hormonal imbalances often are the culprits for causing lowered sexual interest, so be sure to get in touch with your GP about any concerns," Dr Krychman says.

Dealing with guilt and shame about sexuality kicks off with realising that we're pretty much all programmed by society to feel this way. According to Gigi Engle, sex expert at sextoys.co.uk, we're in a sex-negative culture, and it can really help to start by understanding that these feelings aren't entirely yours —they're handed to you by society. "We're in a very puritanical, heteronormative, patriarchal society that doesn't value female pleasure specifically and uses sexuality as a tool of control," she tells us. Becoming more comfortable with your body can come in a variety of different ways, which she recommends.

Spend some time with yourself naked
"Not necessarily masturbating, as this may still feel uncomfortable for people who don't feel comfort with their own bodies, but spending time with your body and connecting with it with mindfulness, maybe by putting lotion on your body and feeling your skin, and massaging yourself to awaken pleasure in a way that isn't sexual but more holistic," Engle says.

Try positive affirmations
Engle encourages you to practise writing positive affirmations on a mirror in lipstick or leaving post-it notes around your house and saying them out loud. "It may feel cheesy when you are doing it but you are rewiring your brain because at the moment, when you are feeling shame and discomfort around your body and pleasure you are giving yourself negative affirmations. We want to introduce messages that combat that narrative," she says.

Lauren Gordon is the editorial coordinator at PS UK, where she creates lifestyle and identity content. Lauren has a degree in journalism from University of the Arts London and previously worked as a showbiz and TV reporter at The Mirror US. Lauren specialises in pop culture, hair and beauty, focusing on trends, sharing in-depth tutorials, and highlighting hidden gems in the beauty industry.