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1Krabs' Best Friend
Mr. Krabs: Believe me, boy. I know what its like to lose a friend.
SpongeBob: Really, Mr. Krabs?
Mr. Krabs: I was five years old, me father gave me a dollar. I loved that dollar...loved it like a brother.
SpongeBob: What happened to the dollar, Mr. Krabs?
Mr. Krabs: Then one day, at the beach, [starts to sob] IT WAS SO HOOOOT... and I was so thirsty, I spent it on a soda...! Uhhuhhuhhuh... MY BEST FRIEND!!!
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2Dr. Patrick
Patrick: That's "Mr. Dr. Professor Patrick" to you.
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3Cucumber Bicycles
SpongeBob: Didn't you used to have one of those cucumber bicycles?
Squidward: Oh. [laughs] That was a recumbent bicycle, and I sold it.
SpongeBob: Why?
Squidward: So, I could get further away from you! [rushes off]
SpongeBob: Okay, I'll see you later then, Squidward.
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4Keep It Cool
Mr. Krabs: I don't care if Santy Claus and Jack Frost are having Ice Cream Cones. Don't... touch... THE THERMOSTAAAAAAT!!
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5Save Me
Squidward: Hello, Animal Control? Save me!
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6Your Crummy Wish
Squidward: Fine! I would like, uh.. a golden clarinet that always plays beautifully..!
Plankton: Your crummy wish is my command!
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7Goodbye
Squidward: [to SpongeBob, after quitting] You know, there's something I've been wanting to tell you from the day we first met - goodbye.
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8Bad Choices
SpongeBob: Patrick, you are making very poor choices!
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9There Will Be No Hugs
Squidward: There will be no hugs, get away from me you monstrosity!
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10Please Hesitate To Ask
Squidward: Here, one of everything! No cheese, no crust, no pickles to the left, four squirts of ketchup, wheat buns, non-dairy lettuce, and farm-raised tomatoes carnival style! And if there is anything else I can do, please hesitate to ask!
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11Knock Knock
Patrick: Knock, knock!
SpongeBob: Who's there?
Patrick: I don't know!
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12Working Out
SpongeBob: This working out thing isn't working out.
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13Ruin Squidward's Day
Squidward: SpongeBob, is it time already for you to ruin my day?
Patrick: Is it time already to ruin Squid's day? Don't start without me!
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14Genie Claus
Squidward: I can't believe anyone would celebrate a holiday where a jolly prowler breaks into your house and leaves gifts.
Patrick: Like a genie.
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15Please Knock
Mr. Krabs: Neptune's Knee-highs, lad! How many times do I have to remind you to knock?!
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16Focus On The Road
SpongeBob: Focus on the road. There is nothing but the road.
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17Knee-Deep In Secret Formula
Plankton: That's right, Karen. By the time those two knuckleheads figure it out, I'll be knee-deep in secret formula!... Yes, I'll wear my galoshes.
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18So Santa Knows
SpongeBob: Hi, Squidward. What are you doing today?
Squidward: Stringing lights so Santa knows, in no uncertain terms... [turns on lights reading "GO AWAY"] ...To "GO AWAY"!
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19There Was Chum
SpongeBob: Lights, please. And lo, there was chum. A food that turned from revolting to festive by magical thinking. And the goodwill of chum clogged the hearts of fish kind and ushered in a new—[chum is thrown at him].
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20I Like Squidward
SpongeBob: Bye, Squidward! Bye, Mr. Krabs! [sounding flirtatious] Bye, Squidward.
Patrick: You said "Bye Squidward" twice.
SpongeBob: I like Squidward.
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21No Parking
Mermaid Man: Evil can't park here between the hours of 6 am and 12 pm!
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22Not Fit For Public Consumption
SpongeBob: Squidward, no! Those patties aren't fit for public consumption!
Squidward: Here, enjoy!
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23JKB
J.K.L.: Just keep breathin'.
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24Four-Star Dining
Sandy: It may not look like much to you and me, but this here is four-star dining to a snail!
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