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WHEN Nigel Farage had a milkshake thrown in his face by some smirking pea-brain, it went down a storm in the loony bin of Labour’s Left.
“A work of art!” crowed one Corbynista commentator.
The social media platforms of Stand Up To Racism — president, Diane Abbott — were awash with emojis weeping with helpless laughter.
And you can’t help but wonder.
Would a milkshake thrown in, say, Diane Abbott’s face be equally amusing? Of course not. That would be outrageous!
But we have been here before.
“I’m thinking, why bother with a milkshake when you could get some battery acid?” quipped comedian Jo Brand on BBC Radio 4 in 2019.
The BBC later ruled that Brand’s “joke” about throwing battery acid in a politician’s face “went beyond what was appropriate” — no kidding! — but “was not intended to be taken seriously”.
But in a country where politicians of both major parties have been murdered in recent years, Brand’s comments sounded like an incitement to violence.
In a land where the memory of Labour’s Jo Cox — shot three times in 2016 — and the Conservatives’ David Amess, stabbed in 2021, is still raw, making light of a physical assault on any politician should turn the stomach.
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It is the pious hypocrisy that stinks.
It is the craven double-standards.
I carry no candle for Reform UK.
Every vote for Nigel Farage’s protest party is an act of national self-harm. Reform will reform nothing.
Your vote for Reform means that we will be ruled for five years — or ten — by Keir Starmer and his high-taxing, knee-taking comrades.
But the bullying of Farage sickens me.
This ritual humiliation is counter- productive.
Is throwing a milkshake in Farage’s face meant to make him crawl away?
Bitterly ironic
Not going to happen, comrade.
That milkshake has now sealed Farage’s success with voters.
The bookies — always the most reliable political pundits — say Farage is odds-on to become the MP for Clacton at the General Election.
And with Reform neck-and-neck with the Tories in the polls, Farage can afford to laugh it off — cheerfully raising a McDonald’s milkshake in salute, as if it was a pint of his beloved IPA.
I believe the rise of Reform will be harmful for this country.
If the patriotic, pro-business Right is divided, the patriotic, pro-business Right surely will certainly be defeated.
Every vote for Nigel Farage’s protest party is an act of national self-harm. Reform will reform nothing
If, as the polls suggest, all those disappointed working-class former Tory voters defect to Reform, then they will soon be living under a Labour Government that they will despise with all their hearts.
I don’t think Reform are going to bury the Conservative Party at this election or any other.
Because I suspect that the talent base of Reform is wafer-thin and their motley crew of colourful candidates will look a lot less appealing in close-up.
But that pea-brain’s milkshake has ensured that Reform will have at least one MP.
And how bitterly ironic that a milkshake was thrown in Farage’s face in the week we remembered the Normandy landings.
Those old heroes did not land on D-Day to obliterate freedom of speech.
They fought, and died, to make it sacred.
When is the general election 2024?
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The key points you need to know about the next UK General Election are:
The main date for your diaries is July 4, 2024, when millions of voters will go to the polls for the General Election.
But the process of formally triggering the election will take place on May 24, 2024 when Parliament is prorogued, signalling the end of the parliamentary year.
May 30, 2024 will see Parliament officially dissolved which means all current MPs cease to hold office and vacate their seats.
A crucial moment will be the release of the parties’ election manifestos where they set out their list of pledges for government.
After over a month of campaigning we then go to the polls.
Once votes have been counted, the King asks the leader of the party with the most MPs to become prime minister and to form a government.
Oh you saucy devil, Joan
“I HAD to get so drunk,” recalls Joan Collins about filming steamy sex scenes in Seventies films including The Stud.
“We all did. There was an orgy scene and I got really plastered beforehand.”
But what was her poison? Presumably not Cinzano Bianco.
I recall watching Joan try to drink bucketloads of the stuff in those classic ads she shot with Leonard Rossiter.
But I don’t recall a drop of it ever making it past her lips.
Damage is done, Rishi ...
RISHI SUNAK made a catastrophic mistake when he cut short his visit to the commemorations of the D-Day landings in France.
This was not a bit of a cock-up, like announcing the General Election in the middle of a rainstorm.
This felt like a historic error of judgment which will haunt our Prime Minister for the rest of his days.
Leaving Normandy early would have been understandable – and forgivable – if the Prime Minister was returning to the UK for a national crisis or family emergency.
We would have understood.
But leaving Normandy early – especially at this 80th anniversary, which feels like a historic milestone – for an ITV election interview was a scarcely believable mistake.
I do not for a moment believe Rishi Sunak does not love this country.
I do not for a moment believe he does not respect our veterans and the glorious dead.
And do not for one fleeting instant believe Sir Keir Starmer, Ed Davey and the bald bloke that leads the SNP are greater patriots than Rishi Sunak.
The PM has apologised. His apologies seem sincere and earnest.
But frankly, the damage is done.
A Greal gamble
NO Jack Grealish in Germany! A big call by Gareth Southgate.
Leaving Jack the Lad at home for the Euros is perhaps the biggest call by an England manager since Alf Ramsey decided he did not need his goal-scoring sensation, Jimmy Greaves, in the 1966 World Cup Final.
These historic calls tend to be forgiven and forgotten.
But only when England win.
Taylor not so Swift
TAYLOR SWIFT’S Eras tour has arrived in the UK and the striking thing for old music fans is the length of her shows.
Each gig is a musical marathon, lasting three hours and 15 minutes.
Some of Taylor’s shows have gone on for another 30 minutes after that.
In my experience, the only star who has regularly played for anything like that long is Bruce Springsteen.
The Rolling Stones are currently wowing them in the US with 18 songs played over two hours, and nobody is going home feeling short-changed.
Only Bruce can match Taylor’s stage stamina.
But Bruce is playing two three-and-a-half-hour shows at Wembley Stadium this summer.
While Taylor is playing Wembley EIGHT times.
How does she do it?
We are told she drinks daily ginger shots, has IV drips and a gruelling fitness regime. But that doesn’t explain it.
When I was 23, I watched Bruce Springsteen play for nearly four hours at the Palladium in New York.
It was one of the greatest shows I ever saw in my life.
Here was a man who looked as though he was more happy on stage than anywhere else in his life.
I suspect the same is true of Taylor.
Anyone who plays for well over three hours is powered by love.
Always my Stan
THANK you to everyone who has suggested I get another dog to cope with the grief of losing Stan, our 12½-year-old Cavalier King Charles spaniel.
I certainly miss my walks in all weathers with Stan, and having the priceless gift of being able to reach out and stroke him, and hearing him snore in the small hours.
I know getting another dog works for a lot of people. But it wouldn’t work for me. Because I feel like I still have a dog.
Just as I still have a mum – even if Mum died in 1999. She’s still my mum, just as Stan is still my dog.
They can’t be replaced.
If you really love someone – two-legged or four-legged – then it turns out that death changes absolutely nothing.
WOULD those who feel uninspired by Sunak v Starmer really prefer Biden v Trump?
Be thankful for these mild-mannered Englishmen!
Joe Biden regularly “shows signs of slipping” during meetings, a new report in the Wall Street Journal newspaper claims, and speaks so softly he is frequently inaudible.
Not really what you want from a US President when World War Three kicks off.
And meanwhile, the Tango-tinted sleazemonger has yet to face the most serious allegations against him – that Trump sought to overturn the result of the 2020 presidential election.
Which was a bit more important for democracy than some slap and tickle with porn star Stormy Daniels.
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Whoever loses our General Election, they will accept the result with grace, dignity and goodwill.
They can’t say the same in America.