On an airport travelator, I kept pace with a couple who strode forcefully down the moving walkway. Not because they were in any danger of missing their flights – as it turned out – but because, as the man would loudly declaim, not looking decisive in airports was something he could not abide. It was a vibe he was doing his best to reinforce by wearing a bush ranger-style Stetson which just made him look like the Milky Bar kid.
Man "She had a pathological fear of airports, which made me incandescent with rage. You've never seen me like that."
Woman (looking at him admiringly) "I don't think I would like to."
Man (approvingly) "You wouldn't."
Woman (enquiring) "Shouty?"
Man (affirming darkly) "Shouty."
Woman (almost theatrically) "Wow."
Man (as though recalling some dark, military action) "It did get ugly."
Woman "Does anything make you like that these days?"
Man "I'm not sure. Emails."
Woman "What else did she do?"
Man "The list is endless. It's more a case of what she didn't. Have you got your boarding pass?"
Woman "I think so."
Man "Check, make sure!"
Woman (stopping to search her bag) "It's in here somewhere …"
Man (aghast) "Don't stop moving. Check as we go."
Woman (speeding up again) "Of course. Yes, it's here."
Man "I don't trust online check-in. I like the human touch."
Woman "I know what you mean."
And with that they sped off while somewhere in the world another airport lay unaware of the scrutiny that would soon be visited upon it.