Craig Charles: ‘I have kicked all sorts of mood-altering substances. The only vice I’ve not been able to kick is smoking’

Born in Liverpool, Charles, 60, started performing poetry aged 17. In 1988 he began starring in Red Dwarf, the long-running science-fiction comedy series. He appeared in Coronation Street from 2005 to 2015 and his other TV work includes Robot Wars, Takeshi’s Castle, The Gadget Show and Moneybags. He has his own radio slot on weekdays and Saturdays on BBC 6 Music, and The Craig Charles Trunk of Funk Volume 3 is out now. He is married for the second time, has three children and lives on the Cheshire side of Greater Manchester.

What is your greatest fear?
Losing my marbles.

What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?
Cowardice. There are so many issues that I would like to express opinions about but I’m too scared to stick my head above the parapet because of the social media pile-on.

What is the trait you most deplore in others?
Selfishness and cruelty.

What was your most embarrassing moment?
The Fake Sheikh did a sting on me once and the News of the World headline was “Craig Charles is an evil drug-pushing monster”. That wasn’t good on the school run, I’ll tell you that.

What is the worst job you’ve done?
Filming a TV show in a field in the snow in February in the Dublin hills for 14 hours; the director said, “We’re not going to get that shot today.”

What single thing would improve the quality of your life?
More sunshine.

Aside from a property, what’s the most expensive thing you’ve bought?
A Rolls-Royce. I met my wife, Jackie, when I was filming a Lynda La Plante drama called The Governor. I fell in love with her instantly and I was bullshitting that I had a Rolls-Royce. When I finished filming, she decided to leave her country and come and live with me in London. On the way to the airport, I phoned my PA and said, “Go and buy a Rolls-Royce.”

Describe yourself in three words
My wife’s nickname for me – chocolate love monkey.

What do you most dislike about your appearance?
I’d like to be thinner and taller.

Who is your celebrity crush?
Mrs Charles reads the Guardian – that’s all I’m saying.

What is the worst thing anyone’s said to you?
I was born in 1964, in the most working-class area of Liverpool, so the N-word was bandied around a lot.

What is your guiltiest pleasure?
Smoking. I have managed to kick all sorts of mood-altering substances, and the only vice I’ve not been able to kick is smoking.

To whom would you most like to say sorry, and why?
To my parents for all the mess-ups. There have been times when I’ve been going through something and I’ve thought, God, I’m so glad my mum and dad are dead, because they don’t have to go through it with me.

What does love feel like?
Love makes me feel sick. I get sick with worry about my kids. It keeps me up at night.

What was the best kiss of your life?
The night I got together with Jackie. I followed her out to the kitchen and she said, “Do you like vodka?” and I said, “Yeah.” So she took a swig from the bottle, pulled me to her and kissed the vodka into my mouth. I find that attractive in a woman.

What happens when we die?
I think it’s like having a really long sleep and you don’t wake up, so there’s nothing to be scared of because I love sleeping.

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