Skip to main contentSkip to navigation

Ask Philippa

Every week Philippa Perry addresses a personal problem sent in by a reader. If you would like advice from Philippa, please send your problem to askphilippa@guardian.co.uk. Submissions are subject to our terms and conditions

  • Back view of woman teacher, with hands on hips, a blurred view of desks and students in the background

    Jobs make me feel trapped so I never stay. Am I just lazy?

    It sounds like you are dissociating, which is a trauma response. Find a therapist to work through this issue so you can break the cycle
  • Fruit and veg piled high in a shop with a sign on the wall saying "Buy local and support small".

    My sister buys posh food, but most of it ends up in the bin

    It sounds like this is really about sibling rivalry, says Philippa Perry. Turn inwards and ask yourself what is motivating your thinking towards your sister
  • Man on bench

    My big brother used to beat me up. Now I’m scared of being loved

    Begin the process of forming a trusting relationship with a therapist, says Philippa Perry, and create a ‘chosen family’ with friends who care about and respect you
  • Australian mother of two young children in her family home participating in domestic life activities<br>Posed by models Single Mother with her daughter and son at home playing, working and involved in domestic duties.

    I’m angry that my mum was always so absent. How can I find peace?

    You are angry and it isn’t surprising, but I suspect that beneath your hurt and pain lies a great sadness
  • Couple walking holding hands at sunset

    I’m in my 50s, deeply in love for the first time – and terrified

    Observe your feelings rather than get lost in them, keep yourself focused on the here and now, and begin to see yourself as a person who deserves great love
  • Charlie xcx in hot pants and a T-shirt reading I heart Me

    Is this the Brat girl summer? Marina Hyde predicts a sticky end for Trump-Vance, how to be a Norwegian parent, and Ask Philippa on sibling rivalry – podcast

    Never doubt the instincts of Donald Trump, warns Marina Hyde, who just appointed a ‘never Trump guy’ as his running mate. Let your kids roam free, stay home alone, have fun – and fail – Norwegian style. Charli xcx’s new album, Brat, highlights how many young women now aspire to live – dirty, hedonistic, happy and bra-less. And ‘My brother’s mental illness hovers over my family life’ – Philippa Perry answers a reader.
  • man and woman with kids in fallen leaves

    My brother’s mental illness hovers over my family life

    You see this as sibling rivalry but if you could learn the skill of attunement, it will be easier to imagine how he feels and to get on with him
  • US vice-president Kamala Harris speaks with President Joe Biden on a White House balcony

    Marina Hyde’s career advice for Joe Biden, the world’s smallest stuntman, Philippa Perry on ‘failure’, and could you forgive your childhood bully? – podcast

    Marina Hyde advises the US president: ‘Walk to podium, smile, wave goodbye’; ‘I’m a failure, in debt and my partner is pregnant’ – Philippa Perry helps one man open up; Superman, Frodo and Star Wars: the stunning life and career of Kiran Shah; actor Katy Wix confronts a painful memory when she gets a message out of the blue
  • Close-up Of A Man Holding Empty Pocket With His Hand<br>KC65W5 Close-up Of A Man Holding Empty Pocket With His Hand

    I’m a failure and in debt. And now my partner is pregnant

    See yourself as part of something bigger, both in your relationship and at work. Come clean with your partner about your debt and throw yourself into your job
  • Keir Stamer talking

    My in-laws think Keir Starmer is ‘an idiot’. Should I pick a fight?

    Don’t fall out with these people who, apart from their political views, you really appreciate
  • Illustration showing good and bad mood on a woman by representing it with thunderstorm or sun above her

    Why am I so angry when I’m with my mother?

    When you eventually experience her as a fully separate person from you, this will feel easier
  • Prince William, King Charles, Queen Camilla and Prime Minister Rishi Sunak with his wife Akshata Murty applaud at a D-Day event in Portsmouth

    Marina Hyde on Sunak and class, my parachute failed at at 4,000ft, my gaming-addicted son, and a new approach to quitting smoking – podcast

    Marina Hyde on poor Rishi, who had to go without a Sky subscription as a teenager; Chris Godfrey spent a decade trying to quit smoking, then he tried hypnotherapy and it changed his life; when Jordan Hatmaker pulled the string of her parachute, she realised something was very wrong; and ‘My grownup son is gaming all day and lives on takeaways’ - Philippa Perry offers advice to a mother
  • Teenage,Boy,In,A,Bedroom,Listening,To,Music,Through,His<br>Teenage boy in a bedroom listening to music through his smartphone; Shutterstock ID 1090254734; purchase_order: -; job: -; client: -; other: -

    My grownup son is gaming all day and lives on takeaways

    You may be too much in the parent role, forcing him into the child role
  • Posed by model Rear View Of Man Working From Home On Computer In Home Office Stretching At Desk

    Why do I keep falling in love with totally unavailable people?

    There may be unfinished business from your infancy or early childhood that you are trying to conclude by longing for something unobtainable
  • Guardian Blind Daters: Deej and Naomi

    A Guardian Blind Date happy ending, the boy who fled the Nazis, and Philippa Perry’s advice on an alcoholic father – podcast

    The Guardian lockdown love story that ended in ‘I do’; the incredible story of Maxwell Smart, who lost his family in the Holocaust at 10 and avoided detection from the Nazis for two years; and Philippa Perry advises a reader not to invite his alcoholic father to his wedding.
  • Bride and groom statuetes for a wedding cake top<br>Mandatory Credit: Photo by Sari Gustafsson / Rex Features ( 633293b )
 A wedding cake top with a bride dragging the groom
 Bride and groom statuetes for a wedding cake top

    I don’t want to invite my alcoholic dad to my wedding

    Trust your gut instinct about not having him there. The shame that is creeping in may be about pressure to conform
  • The,Journey,Of,A,Thousand,Miles,Begins,With,A,Single<br>The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step quote and girl going far away by dirty country road; Shutterstock ID 375538585; purchase_order: -; job: -; client: -; other: -

    I have a dream job and family, but I really want to write novels

    Get up very early in the morning and just write. You will make mistakes but learn from them. Don’t be in a hurry and keep taking small steps
  • Couple holding piles of laundry

    My husband finds life easy, and ‘corrects’ me because I don’t

    Your brain is wired to need order to feel safe, he should respect that
  • Woman on the Morning Walk in the Nature Playing with Young Kooikerhondje Dog Throwing him a Ball

    I’m worried my new partner won’t love who I really am

    Try to steer your focus to what you want rather than what you think you should be
  • Bare human steps<br>Steps of bare human feet on wet sand of sea beach

    I have no children and have started to fear for my legacy. What can I do?

    Legacy can be found in the lives you touch and your impact on others
About 170 results for Ask Philippa
1234...