Is that a warm breeze wafting over the nation, smelling of manure and carrying the distant thud of bass? Then it must be that time of the year again. No, not the summer festival season, but the season of our discontent about festivals. The UK is endowed with an embarrassment of festival riches and still we grumble.
There are far too many of them. They are too middle class. Rock has gentrified and, with it, the festival experience. They are too expensive. They aren't as good as the European ones. We can't get tickets to Glastonbury! Oh, actually, this year we can. But that's because Jay-Z is playing and Noel Gallagher, for one, reckons he's not the right sort of chap to be headlining. Not a word more of complaint. Jay-Z is a brave and inspired choice of a Glastonbury headliner, as anyone who has followed his electrifying wordplay over the years will know.
The British festive spread has something for every taste. Don't fancy the corporate vibe at V? Try Green Man. Don't want to hang out with your parents? Get thee to the Underage Festival. Can't bear urine-soaked emo? Steer clear of Reading and head for poetry at Latitude.
As well as a glut of festival experiences, each summer brings with it a deluge of bands, all vying for your attention. And while many organisers' quintessential festival band seems to be the Verve (playing Glastonbury, V, T in the Park, and the Eden sessions), we have other ideas. Below, we've profiled our 10 acts of the summer. You'll have heard of some of them, maybe not of others, but all are worth enduring the vague whiff of poo for. Kitty Empire
For listings see efestivals.co.uk
MGMT
Appearing at: Reading and Leeds, Glastonbury, Roskilde, T in the Park
Portaloos and tent pegs are strangely absent from the checklist of rock star cliches - cars, models, drugs - that MGMT gleefully cite on their first UK single 'Time to Pretend'. But come the summer there won't be a better band to bliss out to in a field.
Usually expanding to a five-piece for live shows, the Brooklyn duo make festival music as it was originally conceived; rich, multilayered and mind-expanding - manna for anyone having 'a moment' amid the mud and discarded doughnut bags.
'The sound of our music live is good for the outdoor setting,' says Andrew VanWyngarden. 'We're looking forward to Glastonbury. It'll be nice to be near a pagan centre of energy.' But if mystical vibes aren't your thing, there's wit and sweet melody here too. The band's formula for festival success is simple: 'I like camping and music,' says VanWyngarden. 'Combining the two is cool.'
Killer festival tune 'Of Moons, Birds & Monsters': 'It's a little cosmic, with a good galloping verse and slowed-down instrumental part at the end. Good for people stoned in a field.' AC
Bassekou Kouyate & Ngoni Ba
Small Nations, Big Day Out, Womad, Cambridge Folk Festival, 7 Songs
Time was when you were unlikely to hear a plucked kora or rapped djembe outside of Womad. But this summer, emerging star Bassekou Kouyate will be one of a range of African musicians lighting up festivals around Britain.
Kouyate is celebrated in Mali for his performances on the ngoni - a traditional African lute - and features on albums by some of the country's best-known musicians. But it is his own music, lush, mesmeric and bluesy, which is gaining international acclaim and he has developed a reputation for exhilarating, heavily improvised live performances with his band Ngoni Ba. Kouyate says that festivals are the ideal setting for his sound. 'Everyone is dancing and shouting and if they move well it helps you play,' he said. So British audiences are forewarned that, to ensure a great performance, they'll need to work on their moves.
Killer festival tune 'Jonkoloni': 'It's similar to a song that my ancestors would perform between the 13th and 19th centuries, so when I play it, it's as if I'm playing with my grandparents.' AC
Hot Chip
T in the Park, Oxygen, Glastonbury, Gatecrasher, Wireless, Bestival, V
'It requires a particular skill to do a good festival set,' says Joe Goddard of south London electro-pop wizards Hot Chip, 'and we've been learning bit by bit. I think this is the first summer we're ready to do it right.' What's the most important thing they've learnt? 'You've got to enunciate your words in between songs. If you speak at normal volume, maybe the first two rows can hear you. You have to wave your arms and scream. This summer,' he adds, 'we're going to cut the boring bits and make our set like a rollercoaster.'
His festival highlight to date was last year's Glastonbury - 'The reaction to "Over and Over" was one of the most mental things we've ever seen' - and he can't wait to do it again this summer. After playing the Other Stage on Saturday evening, the band are putting on a party in a 1,000-person tent 'with DJs and live acts all night'.
Killer festival tune 'Ready for the Floor': 'We've developed a live version of it which gets everyone going nicely.' KF
Holy Fuck
Glastonbury, T in the Park, Reading and Leeds, and Loop
Voted one of the top three new acts at Glastonbury by NME last year, Toronto's Holy Fuck are back with their organic fizz of uplifting electronica, delightfully created using old-fashioned synths, bass, drum kit and assorted objects, but no laptops or programming. Holy Fuck's Graham Walsh says he can't promise 'balloons, showy lights or clowns coming out of a clown car', but can offer 'new jams and new songs' and the prospect of band mate Brian creating audio with his 35mm film synchroniser.
You can't get more live and energetic than a band who like to improvise tracks live and then take the material back to the studio where they record their albums live, so it's no surprise that Holy Fuck are festival fans. Says Walsh: 'The crowds are usually bigger, but it's definitely a different vibe to playing a club show. Once you get around the fact that you probably won't get a sound check and will be playing in front of thousands of people, you can have lots of fun.'
Killer festival tune 'Lovely Allen': 'It's the one we usually end with and a good festival rocker.' KT
Vampire Weekend
Reading and Leeds, All Tomorrow's Parties, Glastonbury
Vampire Weekend can't wait to join the summer festival circuit for the first time, in spite of the fact that none of them, apart from their drummer who once went to Bonnaroo, has ever actually been to a big outdoor music event before.
'They're all supposed to be muddy, right?' is bass player Chris Baio's understanding of British festivals. The New York band, who released their critically acclaimed debut at the start of the year, will soon find out.
However, Baio reckons Vampire Weekend's cheerful, African-inflected indie rock will go down very well, rain or shine.
'Our songs are pretty sunny. A lot of them have group vocals and bits that invite crowd participation. I think these are all good things for playing outside.'
Killer festival tune 'One (Blake's Got A New Face)': 'Because it has a great call-and-response part which always gets a good reception. I think a big crowd doing that in the open air will be a lot of fun.' KF
El Gunicho
Bestival, Field Day, Sonar
Pablo Diaz-Reixa is a one-man festival. As el Guincho, his cut-and-paste club tropicalia has succeeded where countless brain-fried hippies have crashed and burnt, in keeping the festival spirit going all year round. 'I've never been to a British festival,' he laughs. 'But people in the UK say I make "festival music", so I'm excited to test this theory out.'
Born on Gran Canaria, where African and Hispanic influences fuse through musical genealogy, like most petulant youths, he shunned the traditional music of his parents. After moving to party hotspot Barcelona, a teenage Pablo threw himself into the city's debauched club culture creating pounding dance music through whatever synthetic means possible.
A few years back, he began rediscovering and eventually remixing his parents' old Canarian records. These experiments created his signature bubbling, folksy chants, shuffling beats and dreamy, exotic soundscapes, all underpinned with a hip-as-hell dancefloor conscience. 'People's ears seem to be opening to new ideas,' he observes. 'Finally kids in the UK and US are waking up to other party styles.'
Killer festival tune 'Antillas': 'The samples in it are all from songs that make me smile.' JH
Santogold
Great Escape, Liverpool Sound City, Dot to Dot, Wireless, Glastonbury, Bestival
Philadelphian electro sensation Santi 'Santogold' White first dipped a toe into the British summer mud 'a long, long time ago. I went to Glastonbury, but I don't remember much about it except I had the best doughnuts I ever had'.
She came back last year as a singer on Mark Ronson's Versions tour. But with her thrilling debut album due out in May, this will be her first time around the festival circuit under her own steam. 'With Mark it was so easy, because my song was two minutes long and I barely had to sing! This time it will be different,' she expects. Her field test looks highly promising. In tow are a DJ and two dancers, breathing life into her wildly diverse set, which takes in über-hip electro, Blondie-biting reggae and unquantifiable poptronica. She has one shock confession, though. 'I'm not a party girl. I'm like a grandma. I cannot perform in the middle of the night, so I hope I'm not on too late.'
Killer festival tune 'Creator': 'It's always the most fun because it's got so much energy.' KE
My Bloody Valentine
Glastonbury, Electric Picnic, Bestival
With their washes of avant-garde noise and inchoate lyrics, My Bloody Valentine are far from your typical festival band. And yet these prodigal guitar heroes have announced a slew of European festival dates in the wake of their first live appearances since 1992. Exciting doesn't even begin to cover it. Will the infamously nocturnal Valentine-in-chief Kevin Shields crumble like a vampire in daylight?
Since the release of their only two albums, 1988's Isn't Anything and 1991's Loveless (which famously nearly bankrupted Creation Records and turned one Creative's hair grey), My Bloody Valentine have only added to their myth by going to ground. Until recently, the unbiddable Shields was reported to be sharing his seven-bedroom house with a number of chinchillas, only emerging to see Brian Wilson and Led Zeppelin. A recent internet interview suggests that the band will be releasing both the Valentines' lost Nineties material and a new album. They're bound to be road-testing it.
Killer festival tune 'You Made Me Realise': The band used to refer to the noisy bit in the middle as 'the holocaust'. KE
CSS
Guernsey Live, Gatecrasher Sound System, Evolution, Rock Ness, Glastonbury, All Points West, Electric Picnic, Bestival
If you ventured out of doors last summer, chances are you would have witnessed the festive phenomenon that is CSS. Fronted by Lovefoxxx, a nymph encased in an iridescent leotard, the Brazilian party band played what seemed like every festival going. 'And the year before we played a lot too,' says Lovefoxxx.
Now they are going to do it all again. Recently slimmed down to a five-piece - bassist Ira Trevisan has left, citing not musical differences but the size of her carbon footprint - CSS have a new album, pencilled in for July, bang in the middle of festival season. 'It's a natural evolution,' says Lovefoxxx.
'We're not talking about Lindsay Lohan this time. I'm sure people are expecting all that again, but we don't have themes, we don't have to sing "bitch" and "ass" all the time!'
How will it sound in a field? 'I can't wait to see people's reactions. This one is way more energetic. I don't know if you saw our Christmas tour, but we were singing "CSS Sucks" to the tune of "Jingle Bells" and we came on dressed as presents. We love to have an introduction. We've got some new stage stuff too. We are going to make it amazing. We won't let anybody down!'
And have you written an anthem to replace your old anthem, 'Let's Make Love And Listen To Death From Above'? 'I think we have. The new album's way more strong and tight. Right now, it's just like getting ready for a baby. You prepare the room, you buy the clothes, then when the baby is born, you can finally play with it!'
Killer festival tune 'When we play "Off the Hook" live, people go crazy.' KE
Laura Marling
The Great Escape, Glastonbury, Field Day, Green Man, Bestival, End of the Road, Cambridge Folk Festival
Every festival needs its blissful moment of acoustic loveliness and this year's comes courtesy of 18-year-old Laura Marling, whose album of mature folk songs has earned her comparisons with Joni Mitchell. Supported by Noah and the Whale's Charlie Fink, soaring fiddle and new additions of ukulele and accordion, Marling says her sound will be 'chilled out, laid back, summery and quite French'. She's looking forward to End of the Road and Green Man and prefers the low-key, laid-back festivals saying: 'It's nice to spend a summer day just lazing about watching music. It's a pretty idyllic thing to do.' Known for her shyness, Marling is not keen on big venues, but finds festivals a different affair. 'It's such a relaxed atmosphere and the audience is usually quite far away from you which is nice. Everyone is lounging about and you're likely to be a bit drunk which helps.'
Killer festival tune 'Five Years Time': 'I don't really have any summer anthems, so we'll do this Noah and the Whale cover because it's the summeriest pop tune ever.' KT