Late-night roasts Trump after debate: 'His head doesn't have room for facts'

Among late-night TV hosts, the consensus on who won Monday night’s debate between Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton is resoundingly clear: Clinton dominated the evening, with Trump emerging as the blustering loser.

The Daily Show, Late Night with Seth Meyers and The Late Show with Stephen Colbert all opted to air live following the first of three presidential debates, to offer comedic and pointed roundups of the chaotic clash.

Trevor Noah’s Daily Show was the first up, with the host opening by taking a swipe at moderator Lester Holt, who New Yorker humorist Andy Borowitz mocked in a piece titled “CNN Launches Manhunt after Lester Holt Vanishes from Debate”. After playing a montage of the debate’s most heated exchanges, Noah said: “At that point, Lester Holt wasn’t even moderating anymore, he was just eating popcorn like everyone else.”

Noah, however, saved most of his attacks for Trump, who still refused to release his tax returns, and instead boasted about his income while suggesting he was “smart” for not paying income tax.

“I’m sorry, what?” Noah said appearing perplexed. “Dude, taxes are a responsibility, not something to evade. You’re running to be the number one citizen of a country. You shouldn’t brag about ways you found to get around the rules. You know who else found a way around the rules? OJ. No one likes him.”

Noah admitted that when the debate started, he didn’t think Trump was doing “a bad job”. “He was throwing the right punches, saying the right things,” said Noah. “But then the debate moved to foreign policy, and honestly, I was personally offended.”

Trump’s bizarre comparison of American airports to those in developing-world countries was what eventually set Noah off. “Our airports are nicer than yours, Donald Trump,” the South African host said. “Don’t bring third-world countries into this shit, you hear me? Don’t involve us in your problems.”

Noah also made a point to call out Trump’s endless listing of his properties during the debate, quipping: “Donald Trump relates to America like he’s playing a game of Monopoly.”

As for Trump’s case of the sniffles, Noah suggested the Republican nominee was just “sniffing away all of the bullshit he was saying”.

Colbert also weighed in on Snifflegate, joking during his segment that Trump “sounded like the coked-up best man in the bathroom at a wedding”.

Colbert kicked off his show by calling out the double standards presented by the debate. Clinton, he said, had to appear “confident but not smug, knowledgeable without being a know-it-all, charming without being affected, commanding but not shrill, also likable, authoritative, warm and not coughing. Meanwhile, Donald Trump had to not commit murder – on camera.”

Elsewhere, Colbert deemed Clinton the better prepared of the two, dubbing her with the nickname Preparation H. “It’s a compliment!” Colbert claimed after some heckles from the audience. “In the primaries, she already proved she could soothe the Bern.”

He also drolly pointed out the debate’s first lie, showing a clip of Clinton greeting Trump graciously on stage with a “Donald, it’s good to be with you”.

Lastly there was Meyers, who began by sending up the intense lead-up to the debate. “The media hyped it like a prize fight,” said Meyers. After showing a spot that teased the debate as if it were the Super Bowl of politics, he quipped: “Based on that intro, you’d think the debate was taking place inside the UFC Octagon.”

Like Colbert, Meyers concluded that Trump appeared woefully underprepared compared to Clinton. Still, he expressed sympathy for the billionaire businessman.

“His head doesn’t have room for facts and figures because it has to hold seven words,” he joked. Those words, shown in a dissection of Trump’s brain, read: Best, Huge, Ivanka, Big, Wall, Great and Tremendous.