Dear Deidre
DEAR DEIDRE: My wife has left me for my daughter’s piano teacher.
Worse, she has flaunted the affair in front of my face, telling me he knew exactly what to do with his hands!
I’m 47 and she’s 43. Our daughter is 10.
Three years ago, we agreed our daughter, who showed some musical talent, should start having piano lessons.
We bought a piano, and I found a teacher through a local message board.
He was in his early 30s. I suppose you could call him handsome.
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He seemed like a good teacher, and our daughter liked him.
At first, my wife and I took turns to take our daughter there.
But over the last year, she kept insisting on doing the drop-offs and pick-ups, saying it was easier for her and she could pop into the supermarket while she waited.
I thought nothing of it.
Then, one day, our daughter was off school sick so we cancelled the lesson.
But my wife said she still needed to go to the supermarket, so went out at the same time as usual.
Now I know it was to see the piano teacher. That evening, instead of teaching my daughter, he was having sex with my wife.
Around the same time, she stopped wanting sex with me, blaming it on being tired.
She started going out a lot with friends in the evenings, and suddenly having to run errands.
I grew suspicious and confronted her. She admitted to having an affair, but incredibly, she wasn’t ashamed or sorry.
Instead, she said that our sex life had been rubbish for years, that I was old and boring, and that, unlike me, the piano teacher was very good with his hands.
Now, she’s left me, taking our daughter with her. I don’t want her back but I feel humiliated, angry and bereft.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: Your wife’s behaviour is selfish and cruel.
If she was unhappy with your marriage or sex life, she should have spoken to you about it, not rubbed her affair in your face.
What’s most important now is to make sure your daughter doesn’t get caught up in the fallout of your split.
See my two support packs, Thinking Of Divorce and When Parents Fall Out, which will help you to navigate the divorce process and explains where to go for advice.
Try to stay on speaking terms and set up an arrangement whereby you get to spend regular time with your daughter.