The reality TV star broke down in tears as she relived having suicidal thoughts after a tragic stillbirth
AISLEYNE Horgan-Wallace has revealed she wanted to get pregnant with a stranger’s baby to fulfil her dream of becoming a mum.
The 39-year-old - who first found fame on Big Brother in 2006 - broke down in tears as she opened up about her darkest moments in an exclusive chat with The Sun Online.
Aisleyne has admitted fearing she'll never be able to have a family following a stillbirth and three miscarriages.
Speaking exclusively to The Sun Online's Big Interview she said: "It is definitely a worry. After the last couple of years it has become all-consuming.
"If I think about it too much I will literally go outside my house and grab the first bloke I can find to try and get pregnant.
"But I don't want to do that. It has to be with the right guy, so I'm going to have to wait."
The devastating loss of her four babies - including one which was six-and-a-half months old - left Aisleyne feeling suicidal.
Doctors said a rare blood disease called rhesus negative threatens her chances of carrying a baby full-term.
Now medics say she's running out of time to conceive naturally, forcing Aisleyne to make the painful choice to go it alone or miss her chance.
She said: "After the stillbirth of my six-and-a-half month old child before Big Brother I felt suicidal. It was heartbreaking.
"It made me go off the rails because I thought 'what is the point in life?'
"That was a dark time for me. As any woman who has been through it will know how hard it is. But we grow through what we go through.
"I just have to take peace in the idea that something was going to be wrong and that it wasn't my baby's time to join us, but we will be reunited one day.
"You can't live in the past you've just got to keep going.
"But there is always a part of you that is wrenched and hurt because you think, actually I'd make a really good mum.
"I just pray one day that I am blessed with a child."
The reality TV star said it is still possible for her conceive naturally - but she's running out of time.
Fearful she'll miss her opportunity, Aisleyne thought about IVF with sperm donation, but doesn't want her child to grow up without a father.
She will only consider it if she finds her special someone.
Aisleyne, who used to date heavyweight champion Mike Tyson, said: "It's an option I explored but decided it wasn't fair on the child and would be a bit selfish of me.
"I think we all have a sense of needing to know who we come from even if one parent isn't the greatest.
"I just worry how it will affect my child never knowing their father... It's not option for me personally."
Determined not to give up, Aisleyne insisted: "Whoever is meant for me will come along.
"There are older people having babies all the time now like Jennifer Lopez, Mariah Carey, Janet Jackson so I'm not going to give up hope. I'm totally inspired by those women because if they can, I can."
The business woman, who has just launched her new eyelash range Eye Queen By Aisleyne, revealed she has been accepted as a foster mum.
She is now determined to bring up a child who was put into care to make her dream come true.
Aisleyne added: "It's my dream to have a child, I really want it to happen, but my ovaries are ticking.
"If it happens I'm really grateful and thankful, but if it doesn't then I have been accepted to be a foster mum."
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