Some stars dazzle you with spiky charisma, political passion, jaw-dropping vocal gymnastics or emotionally raw confessionals. Kylie Minogue is not one of those artists. A blank canvas of cosy glamour and frictionless showmanship, the ageless Australian dance-pop diva came to Hyde Park to make 65,000 people dance, whoop and sing along to her wholesome hits and mildly saucy lyrics. She was a family entertainer, human karaoke machine, great dancer, modestly gifted singer and painted-smile party hostess. She looked fabulous, worked super hard and gave nothing away.
Fortunately for Minogue, she came armed with just enough show-stopping anthems and glorious outfits to excuse her essential girl-next-door blandness. Building on her recent Las Vegas residency, this concert was an epic catwalk show featuring multiple costume changes, cinematic video backdrops and a 16-strong dance troupe. For the opening number, Tension, the 56-year-old singer arrived in an electric-red skin-tight vinyl catsuit, thronged by dancers in similarly vivid attire. The striking visual effect was like watching a tin of Quality Street chocolates come to life.
Couched in gothic gloom, the sombre ballad Confide in Me sounded moody and magnificent, like a great lost James Bond theme. The sultry electro-pop reverie Slow also worked a treat, accelerating from skeletal drum-machine stutter to lavish widescreen banger. Likewise, the galloping sing-along euphoria of Better the Devil You Know. Her most recent chart-topper, Padam Padam, also had an infectious earworm energy. As did a mighty, surging All the Lovers and the sleek sci-fi robo-disco classic Can’t Get You Out of My Head.
• Read our review of Robbie Williams at Hyde Park
Between songs, Minogue made stilted small talk with the crowd, a clunky attempt at Taylor Swift-style fan-friendly relatability. She also took requests for a cappella snippets of older numbers, singing a few teasing lines from I Should Be So Lucky, her Nick Cave collaboration Where the Wild Roses Grow, and more. For the encore she unveiled her new single, the anodyne My Oh My, inviting the guest vocalists Bebe Rexha and Tove Lo on stage.
Minogue left Hyde Park with a final crescendo of polite pyrotechnics and gushing thanks. But deep down, how did she truly feel? Who does she love? Who does she hate? Does she have any views on politics, feminism, football, war, peace, Brexit, Ukraine, Trump? We will never know. This is the beauty and tragedy of Kylie Minogue. Glorious artifice, pure entertainment. Plastic plastic, she’s fantastic.
★★★☆☆
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