What is your idea of perfect happiness?
Marrying a nymphomaniac.
What is your greatest fear?
When the audience walks toward the stage.
Which historical figure do you most identify with?
“Wrong Way” Corrigan.
Which living person do you most admire?
Ryan Seacrest.
What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?
No sense of humor.
What is the trait you most deplore in others?
No sense of humor.
What is your greatest extravagance?
Gasoline.
What is your favorite journey?
From Trenton to Baltimore.
What do you consider the most overrated virtue?
That I'm constantly taken for Robert Redford.
On what occasion do you lie?
Every occasion and a lot.
What do you dislike most about your appearance?
I was once six feet tall, but at 85, I'm now five feet four.
Which living person do you most despise?
Arnold Schwarzenegger.
Which words or phrases do you most overuse?
“You know what I'm sayin'?” You know what I'm sayin'?
What is your greatest regret?
Not finding another partner.
What or who is the greatest love of your life?
My 19-year-young daughter.
When and where were you happiest?
In 1926 and in the maternity room.
Which talent would you most like to have?
The same as Pat Sajak.
What is your current state of mind?
Depressed and ecstatic!!!
If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
Feet—I always wanted three.
What do you consider your greatest achievement?
Losing to Nadal 6-0, 6-0.
What is your most treasured possession?
Dean's shot glass.
What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?
Coal mining.
Where would you like to live?
Dubai on a bunk bed.
What is your favorite occupation?
Babysitting Julia Roberts.
What is your most marked characteristic?
My incredible handsomeness and modesty.
What do you most value in your friends?
Stuck in traffic.
Who are your heroes in real life?
Pope Benedict and Andrew Dice Clay.
What are your favorite names?
Snooki, Dolly, Lolita, Kim, Karr, Kate, and the rest of the convent.
What is it that you most dislike?
A convent.
How would you like to die?
I didn't know we had a choice.
What is your motto?
“I shall pass through this world but once. Any good, therefore, that I can show any human being, let me do it now. Let me not defer nor neglect it, for I shall not pass this way again.”
