Can y'all nominate me to become an elite? :)

f+1 William

Hi Joseph - I'm happy to contribute a nomination for you to join the Elite Squad to put your request on Yelp's radar, but understand that only get's you in the door to present yourself before the Elite Council - that does NOT automatically get you a seat at the Elite table.  

The Elite Council has several criteria they measure a Yelper by to see if they qualify to be an Elite, and as William already pointed out to you, you still have some work you could improve on:

(1) Elite Friends - first off, a nomination has more *juice* when it comes from Elite friends in your circle - but you only have 1 elite friend at the moment - Addison - and neither William nor I are in your friend circle.  If you are serious about wanting to be an Elite, it helps to cultivate some connections with other Yelpers....

(2) Reviews & Picture Content - and while on the subject of Elite friends, we will be more comfortable nominating you if we see an uptick in your review & picture metrics.  

    * Take a look at some Elites' reviews - they are a bit more substantive on balance,

    * And often are associated with significant picture uploads to their reviewed establishments - right now you only have ONE business picture, which is essentially a profile picture of yourself from a Salon - you need a lot more business pictures if you want the Elite Council to consider you "an effective, contributing member of content to the Yelp business site."  

(3) OTHER NOMINATIONS - There's no "one-size-fits-all" template on how to become an Elite, but William and I are sharing with you some of the factors that other Elites take into consideration about a Yelper before they are motivated to nominate someone.  And it usually takes a few or more nominations nowadays before the Elite Council will consider a nominee.

(4)  TIMING - we are now heading into the Re-Nomination Process for existing Elites which ends tomorrow at Noon (December 1) for elites to renominate themselves.  After that, the re-nominations go onto the Elite Council in San Francisco, and that means for this entire month of December 2015, it is highly unlikely that Yelp will consider new Elites UNTIL the Elite Council has finished reviewing the digital metrics for all currently existing Elites and if they re-qualify to be "Elite" in 2016 - and understand almost a quarter of current Elites WILL "wash-out" and lose their Elite badge because they didn't apply themselves this past year (and we won't know that until the beginning next year).

TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THESE NEXT TWO MONTHS

What that means for you is that if you truly serious about wanting to be an Elite, you have months of December 2015 and January 2016 to improve your reviewing-metrics, upload pictures, establish some connections with other Elite Yelpers and get out to some Yelp events so people can meet you (and befriend you).  Good luck, Joseph.

Very beautifully spoken, Michaelangelo S! I couldn't have said it better myself!

No.

Your reviews are two, three sentences short, and are nondescript of a place. For instance, in your review of O' Malley's Irish Pub you didn't like one of their dishes but you didn't explain why you didn't like it. You also misspelled the word rowdy. For Century Roseville 14 movie theater, you began your sentence with "This place is a movie theater." I'm not going to go into detail as to what's wrong with that review. For restaurants Subway and Little Caesar's, you open your review with, "I've never had a problem with this place." Also, please stop ending your sentences with exclamation points like this !!! especially if it is just you buying a giant sized Nutella at Sam's Club. There really is no reason to excited over the fact you saved a few cents off of Nutella with your Sam's Club Card.

Out of the 31 reviews you've written so far, the only reviews which contains any substantive information is Sierra College in Rocklin and Sola Salons.

Why do you want to be Elite?

Why do you want to be elite?  Just ask me and Michaelangelo.  We like getting all of the girls.

Elites do it best

Do you mean, TWO elites do it better together, Jenny? ;)

joe is on fire!

I was trying to come up with a curlte one-liner.  Kinda like 'electricians do it with power' but 'Elites do it with ______'

tehehehehehe

@John H...how about "Elites F.U.C. around a lot"...Funny, Useful, Cool votes that is.

Ok ... my safe side is telling me not to write what I'm thunking.  That's right, thunking.  Chuck ... rearrange the words a bit to make a 4 word phrase that starts with Elites and ends with F.U.C. (Funny Useful Cool, that is ... let's be clear) :-/

I am completely innocent of such FUCery

Damn!  It sounds like elitism is one big orgy.

Just think if Yelp would have had negative review votes like Stupid-Terrible-Dull?  You would be getting FUCed and STDs.

Whew!  I was going to say I am not a god, just an ordinary garden Wizard.

oh my! all these FUC'ing talks... I hope Joseph learned a thing or two about what it takes to be an Elite :)

Elites: FUC'ing all night (and in the middle of the day when they should be working) :-P

I need one too, Chris, after a good FUC ;)

I have been trying to become Elite for years. I finally gave up. I have no idea how to become one. I even ask people that have become Elite and most of them don't even know how it happened.

Hi Joseph!
I was in the Army too. I looked over your reviews and noticed that some are kind of short.  Spend some time elaborating on your experiences. You have to find that "happy medium". Keep on trying and it will happen for you soon! Hooah (smile)

Michelangelo, you smoke??

May inquires, "Michelangelo, you smoke??"

May...uh....*cough* ....not ...really....

ONCE in a blue moon (when I'm clubbing in Seattle, San Francisco or L.A.), I'll hang out in the smoking section with friends during an Industrial show or Death Metal show and share a clove with a buddy or a gorgeous muse.  

But not always, since I often get enough of a *contact-high* from everyone ELSE's 2nd hand clove-smoking.  In fact, last time I actually *puffed* on a clove was back on Tues August 18, when my lovely companion Syren shared her clove with me when we were in Seattle at The Merc (a private club that allows smoking INSIDE).

I have more terribly random life-adventures I can share with you & Diomedes sometime, May. ;)

Awwww I don't think your ears are big! I think you've got potential!