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The Official-Official-Official 2015 Stupid Question Thread

in Local Questions & Answers

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  1. Valeria R.

    Park your stoopid Qs here.

    I'll start: I'm thinking of getting a battery-only alarm clock, but how will I know when it's time to change the battery? What if it dies in the middle of the night?

    I want this one, because it'll look super-cute on my new vintage vanity: target.com/p/crosley-bak…

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  3. R J.
    • R J.
    • San Francisco, CA
    • 206 friends
    • 320 reviews

    First you open your window, Second you chunk your pc out of it.

    Mine:
    Where the hell can I buy some fresh guava fruit?

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  4. Valeria R.

    Rory, you could drive down to my parents' place in L.A. and they'd give you some for free. They have TWO trees. ;-p

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  5. Valeria R.

    Thanks, Che! I'm going to order it, then. It's soooo cute.

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  6. Coach P. C.
    • 122 friends
    • 161 reviews

    Can you really NOT see Russia from Alaska?

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  7. Coach P. C.
    • 122 friends
    • 161 reviews

    Do people really use the Golden Gate Bridge on the weekends?

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  9. Valeria R.

    Do vegans eat honey?

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  10. Rick B.
    • 7 friends
    • 1 review

    In the Donner Party tragedy,  did they eat the vegans first?

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  11. John P.
    • 736 friends
    • 189 reviews

    Why is it when your alone, your carts smell worse than normal?

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  12. John P.
    • 736 friends
    • 189 reviews

    Carts?  I meant Farts.

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  13. Rick B.
    • 7 friends
    • 1 review

    How do you tell your bestfriend that she's gained a lot of weight?

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  14. John P.
    • 736 friends
    • 189 reviews

    Walk up her and ask when are you due?

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  15. Valeria R.

    How the hell do I peel the backing off of these dadgum P-Touch labels???

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  16. Jay C.
    • Jay C.
    • Beer Bottle Crossing, ID
    • 412 friends
    • 0 reviews

    ^ that's what interns are for

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  18. Rick B.
    • 7 friends
    • 1 review

    why do debit cards have raised letters, given that nobody uses impression machines anymore?

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  19. Rick B.
    • 7 friends
    • 1 review

    when is Valeria's brother going to meet a nice harem and settle down?

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  20. Umesh T.

    How do you report someone to the CPS without being found out?

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  21. Rick B.
    • 7 friends
    • 1 review

    If I want to make a long-distance call with my cell phone, how far do I have to be from the tower?

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  22. Rick B.
    • 7 friends
    • 1 review

    if BART is shut down, how can I tell the difference?

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  23. Valeria R.

    I cut my hand on rusty metal last night (don't ask). Will I be dead soon?

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  25. B N.
    • B N.
    • Montclair, NJ
    • 991 friends
    • 244 reviews

    do maggots get drunk when they bury alcoholics?

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  26. .Hazel T.
    • 123 friends
    • 54 reviews

    No.  Only when they're left out in the open air.

    Why are their ear infections - ? Just how does anything get inside there to mess it up anyway?

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  27. Umesh T.

    I can already see Valerie owning this thread like a mother.

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  29. Valeria R.

    Petunia, you, uh, "pinch the tip" like so: dailymail.co.uk/femail/a…

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  30. B N.
    • B N.
    • Montclair, NJ
    • 991 friends
    • 244 reviews

    *unzips pants for demonstration*

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  31. Valeria R.

    Oh, my!

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  32. Valeria R.

    How do those asshole birds know the PRECISE moment to fly out of the path of your oncoming car??? Do they linger on purpose to make you think, "Oh, no...this might be the time that I actually hit an asshole bird!"

    ?????

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  33. Julio G.
    • 63 friends
    • 35 reviews

    Ok

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  34. Valeria R.

    Don't toy with me, Julio!!!

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  35. Valeria R.

    Have any of you b!tches applied for a passport for your kid(s) recently? If so, please warn me of any non-obvious pitfalls that I might encounter!

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  36. Loli L.
    • 211 friends
    • 1526 reviews

    I made the mistake of having everything except for the kid when we submitted our application.

    This post office doesn't require appointments: yelp.com/biz/us-post-off…

    Yours is old enough so that you can probably get decent passport pics from Costco, but this lady had hella great tips on getting pics for young squirmy ones: sproutsenroute.com/infan…

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  37. B H.
    • B H.
    • San Francisco, CA
    • 264 friends
    • 176 reviews

    Pennies ...wtf can you do with them, look like a jackass making a deposit at the bank.  Can I put them in the compost bin?

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  38. Ben H.
    • 478 friends
    • 37 reviews

    lol, compost bin

    i pretty much love what obama's done with his presidency, but i thought it was dumb as hell when they redesigned and re-minted the penny a few years back. they should be getting rid of them altogether, not making more.

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  39. B H.
    • B H.
    • San Francisco, CA
    • 264 friends
    • 176 reviews

    I'm serious, I know we all have a jar full of pennies we hoarded over the years, I've thought about wrapping And rolling them but you know the  bank would be rolling their eyes if you tried to deposit.   I'm thinking I put them in a pillow case and abandon them in a shopping cart @ foods co.

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  40. Coach P. C.
    • 122 friends
    • 161 reviews

    I've heard u can cash coins in at a Coinstar machine and get amazon gift cards, without Coinstar taking a cut. I haven't looked into it to find out if it's true.

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  41. B H.
    • B H.
    • San Francisco, CA
    • 264 friends
    • 176 reviews

    Hmmm I did the coinstar thing once in 2005 a bit depressing and about a 15 minute stanky wait at places like foods co.  Coinstar takes a cut eh? Meh, here's to dignity hah, maybe I can trek it in there at midnight & cash my stash of hoared pennies on the DL

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  42. Valeria R.

    Loli, would it be better for me to make an appointment, though? I've seen the line at the Sutter PO, and the abuse that customers are subjected to. Ugh...I'm dreading this.

    Do I need to take anything for the kid other than her birth certificate? What's the turnaround time? She needs it for December.

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  43. Alan F.
    • 127 friends
    • 518 reviews

    Question I was once asked by a substitute bartender:  "What goes into a gin and tonic"?

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  45. Coach P. C.
    • 122 friends
    • 161 reviews

    BH:

    Gurl, be shameless. Look how much you can get!!!!!!
    amazon.com/Hidden-Valley…

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  46. B H.
    • B H.
    • San Francisco, CA
    • 264 friends
    • 176 reviews

    Ahahhaah omg chile!

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  47. Rick B.
    • 7 friends
    • 1 review

    Have any of you b!tches applied for a passport for your kid(s) recently?
    ______

    they're done while you wait at the San Jose Flea Market

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  48. Loli L.
    • 211 friends
    • 1526 reviews

    If you do it now, you'll totally have it back in time. We waited maybe 10-15 minutes to see an actual person. That was first thing in the morning on a Saturday, I think. There was practically no wait when we went in the afternoon the Friday before. But you should be fine anywhere else (and probably closer to you) with an appointment.

    We filled out the form and brought all the documents that it suggested by the Dept of State: travel.state.gov/content…

    I was totally freaked out about submitting little dude's certified birth certificate copy but they mailed it back afterward like they said they would.

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  50. Valeria R.

    Mexico...to meet her Mexican abuelita for the very first time. They've only ever talked on the phone. I'm excited for her. It's going to be a great experience.

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  51. Valeria R.

    Thanks, Lolikins! That makes me feel much less nervous about the whole thing.

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  53. Valeria R.

    An itty-bitty pueblo right outside of Tecozautla: tecozautla.com.mx

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  54. Valeria R.

    It's so small that a lot of the older folks still speak Otomí: britannica.com/EBchecked…

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  57. .Vanessa G.
    • 98 friends
    • 214 reviews

    oooh fun!!  My mom is from the state of Coahuila

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  58. Valeria R.

    A ladybug pooped on me twice yesterday. Is that good luck?

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  60. Valeria R.

    LOL! You just made me snort at my desk, Kimo.

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  61. This Yelper's account has been closed.
  62. Valeria R.

    What kind of phone number is a "B"?

    I'm looking at someone's business card and it has a "T" number for their office then a "B" number. Is that a fax or cell? Google ain't helpin'.

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  64. Valeria R.

    LOL! Umey needs to order new business cards with that number.

    I think I just figured it out. I saw a "Blackberry" number on another business card. These folks ain't from 'round these parts.

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  66. Umesh T.

    My basement will be the new Noah's Ark, and y'all will regret this mirth

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  67. Rick B.
    • 7 friends
    • 1 review

    no, the "B" number is what you use for Booty calls.   DUH.

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  68. Rick B.
    • 7 friends
    • 1 review

    Do I need to take anything for the kid other than her birth certificate?
    ______

    uh, aspirin?

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  69. Valeria R.

    Okay...what's an "S" number? Also a British thing.

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  71. Loli L.
    • 211 friends
    • 1526 reviews

    Wha??? B for Blackberry? Why not M for mobile? Should I make cards that list A for my Android number? maybe S for Samsung?

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  72. Nate R.
    • 358 friends
    • 204 reviews

    Why do some people leave those stickers on the bills of their baseball hats? Why do the same people that leave those stickers on their hats wear their bills all flat nowadays?

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  73. Umesh T.

    Why do all you idiots keep asking these stupid questions?

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  74. B H.
    • B H.
    • San Francisco, CA
    • 264 friends
    • 176 reviews

    Can you graduate from college with a BE? (Butt Eatery)

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  75. Valeria R.

    Kimo, it's a type of phone number. One of my co-workers thinks it might be "secretary."

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  76. Loli L.
    • 211 friends
    • 1526 reviews

    OMG! They don't call them administrative assistants!

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  79. Rick B.
    • 7 friends
    • 1 review

    We've tried that with Val already.

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  80. Chrysanthemum A.
    • 1160 friends
    • 2107 reviews

    Should attorneys be trusted with conjugal sex advice?

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  81. Steve A.
    • 46 friends
    • 249 reviews

    Depends on what kind of advice the attorney is being asked for. Asking about potential visits, sure-but asking for 87 ways to drive your man wild...well, they have magazines that answer those very questions.

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  82. Coach P. C.
    • 122 friends
    • 161 reviews

    After buying banh mi sandwiches, how many hours do you think they're still safe to eat if they were left at room temperature?

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  83. Rick B.
    • 7 friends
    • 1 review

    John Kerry is the administrative assistant of state.
    ______

    For all of Ford's pratfalls,  at least he never broke a femur (!) biking into a curb on his own

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  84. Valeria R.

    Coach asked: After buying banh mi sandwiches, how many hours do you think they're still safe to eat if they were left at room temperature?
    ~~~~~~

    For you and Mr. Coach, 5-6 hours. For the little princess, 2 hours.

    That's my vote.

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  85. This Yelper's account has been closed.
  86. DontHurtMe T.
    • 425 friends
    • 82 reviews

    90% of men cheating. How many % of them would change ?

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  87. Coach P. C.
    • 122 friends
    • 161 reviews

    Thanks Val!! That's what I kinda thought but wasn't sure.

    Chau, seriously? Couple days?

    Hmmmm. Cheating. Depends. If they've grown up from their cheatin' stage of their life, maybe. Depends on if you're the one he cheated on, less likely that'll change.......broken trust, weird dynamics, seems hard for a relationship m to recover from.

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  88. This Yelper's account has been closed.
  89. Valeria R.

    I'm one of those people who defrosts meat on the kitchen counter. I like to play fast and loose like that.

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  90. Coach P. C.
    • 122 friends
    • 161 reviews

    What kinda meat we talking about? ;)

    I grew up in a house where food sat on the dinner table for a while sometimes if someone had to eat later. Built up some stomachs of steel. But I don't think I could handle the couple days thing.

    And agreed....I would edit my post on cheating to say it applies to both men and women.

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  91. This Yelper's account has been closed.
  92. Valeria R.

    Yes.

    And you also happen to have a big booger hanging out of your nose.

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  95. Valeria R.

    Because the kitchen sink can be even dirtier than the toilet, Jon. For reals.

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  97. Rick B.
    • 7 friends
    • 1 review

    Most toilets won't chill to zero F.  Although some women claim otherwise.

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  98. This Yelper's account has been closed.
  99. Jon F.
    • 385 friends
    • 40 reviews

    Why do they called it a "building". It's already built; why not call it a "built"

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  1. This Yelper's account has been closed.
  2. Rick B.
    • 7 friends
    • 1 review

    she's Hollywood's current "point-and-laugh-at-the-funny-fat-lady-doing-pratfalls" go-to girl.

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  4. Valeria R.

    The funky little ATM I used at Freddie's Sandwiches this morning had comic sans font on the screen. How many times has my identity been stolen so far today?

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  5. Coach P. C.
    • 122 friends
    • 161 reviews

    ^did you ever get your answer?

    Exiting the highway:
    If I have to exit the highway, and the left turn I would like to make is shortly after the exit, and there are 3 lanes of traffic I have to cross that's backed up, can I legally stop at the end of the highway exit to wait for the lanes to clear to get all the way over to the left?

    Just curious if it's legal to stop there. If I need to, I'll go straight and make a left further down.

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  6. Rick B.
    • 7 friends
    • 1 review

    I always order my sandwiches sans mayo and sans font.

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  7. Valeria R.

    That sounds sketchy, Coach. I'm of the belief that if you have to go around the block in order to correct your route, that's okay. Better than getting a ticket or stressing yourself out trying to cross a bunch of lanes in a hurry.

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  8. Coach P. C.
    • 122 friends
    • 161 reviews

    Agreed, thanks!

    Now that I think about it, there's a gas station in the intersection I can turn into and get onto the road I need to, if necessary.

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  10. Valeria R.

    If I report that my upstairs neighbors are holding onto their rent-controlled apartment while they own a huge, new house in the suburbs, will it backfire and make ME look bad?

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  11. Coach P. C.
    • 122 friends
    • 161 reviews

    Jon L., most likely yes :(

    Valeria R., depends how loud they are. Also, make sure you are rubbing on some sort of lucky charm while you report them.

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  12. Valeria R.

    I can't do it anonymously because it'll be pretty darn obvious who has it in for them. Regardless, that's so fucking dirty to do that. That's not what rent control is for...to have a pied a terre or however the hell that's spelled.

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  14. Coach P. C.
    • 122 friends
    • 161 reviews

    ^lol agreed!

    Also, maybe tell the right people that'll protest them outside your building.

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  15. .Vanessa G.
    • 98 friends
    • 214 reviews

    can I move into their place?  I'm paying waaaaayyy too much now in the EB.. :(

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  16. Valeria R.

    Not if you have lots of noisy sessy time, Banaessa. I need my sleep.

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  17. Valeria R.

    Your silence speaks volumes, Banaessa. Volumes.

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  18. Coach P. C.
    • 122 friends
    • 161 reviews

    ^LOL

    Is it ok to be on vacay (at least in my head) all week long? :)

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  19. F D.
    • F D.
    • Puerto Rico, Puerto Rico
    • 3 friends
    • 122 reviews

    dude, where's my car?

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  20. Valeria R.

    What are all those exploding sounds???

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  21. Loli L.
    • 211 friends
    • 1526 reviews

    Who keeps drinking all my wine?!

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  22. Loli L.
    • 211 friends
    • 1526 reviews

    It sounds like my neighbor is broadcasting their popcorn popper

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  23. Rick B.
    • 7 friends
    • 1 review

    ^or it became self-aware

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  25. Jack H.
    • 1392 friends
    • 213 reviews

    When we showed my Chinese national college roomate the first picture of a nude woman he had ever seen, he asked: "Where's the hole?  Why can't you see a horizontal hole when she's standing up looking at the camera?"

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  26. Coach P. C.
    • 122 friends
    • 161 reviews

    Groupon.

    What's with all the different due dates for printing, redeeming, and using??!

    Gah!

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  27. This Yelper's account has been closed.
  28. Sean L.
    • 43 friends
    • 115 reviews

    What floor is suite 600 on?

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  29. F D.
    • F D.
    • Puerto Rico, Puerto Rico
    • 3 friends
    • 122 reviews

    What do you mean you don't have eggless omlets?

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  30. Valeria R.

    Am I gonna need stitches for this?

    *faints from blood loss*

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  31. Valeria R.

    by the way...finger cots are basically tiny condoms.

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  32. Valeria R.

    and my clumsiness in the kitchen is helping me learn to type with one hand.

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  33. .Hazel T.
    • 123 friends
    • 54 reviews

    When will MUNI stop kicking people off and turning trains around?

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  34. Valeria R.

    What's the cheapest way for me to shampoo my car's interior?

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  35. Rick B.
    • 7 friends
    • 1 review

    Drive-thru car wash with the windows open

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  36. Joe K.
    • 770 friends
    • 720 reviews

    Do I sign on the line next to the X?

    I love asking that question.

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  37. .Hazel T.
    • 123 friends
    • 54 reviews

    Did you read what you just signed (?) because when I told you word for word what is printed there above your signature, you looked surprised.

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  38. Loli L.
    • 211 friends
    • 1526 reviews

    Have you seen my phone? (best asked while holding, or on, the phone)

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  39. This Yelper's account has been closed.
  40. El B.
    • El B.
    • San Francisco, CA
    • 245 friends
    • 567 reviews

    why should I have to stop at the light at Fulton and Arguello? what were all those squeling brake sounds about anyway? la la la la...

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  41. Rick B.
    • 7 friends
    • 1 review

    Why is it so uncomfortably warm despite the sun being down for HOURS?  I know other stars are hot, but they are hella far away.

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  42. This Yelper's account has been closed.
  43. Valeria R.

    Where can I buy a plunger near Fort Mason?

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  44. Joe K.
    • 770 friends
    • 720 reviews

    Why does Valeria need a plunger?

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  45. Valeria R.

    *looks around nervously*

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  46. Valeria R.

    How many lady Yelpers need to remove their tops in order for Che to return?

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  47. Loli L.
    • 211 friends
    • 1526 reviews

    I didn't like this top anyway.

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  48. Valeria R.

    Does laughing gas really numb you? Because I think I might suddenly be sensitive to novocaine. UGHGHGH.

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  49. Rick B.
    • 7 friends
    • 1 review

    Ask for carbocaine.   Or sodium pentathol.

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  51. Chrysanthemum A.
    • 1160 friends
    • 2107 reviews

    ^Yes, a 4.0 in Piedmont

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  52. Adria D.
    • 1234 friends
    • 667 reviews

    Novocaine is the stuff they inject you with to not feel things (numbing). Laughing gas is nitrous oxide which you inhale and it makes you feel like your on kinda date rape drug... kinda... on nitrous you r like 'OH ok do whatever you want heheh' except date rape drug you can't really talk or even realize what's going on depending on the dose and I doubt your going 'heheh'

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  53. Adria D.
    • 1234 friends
    • 667 reviews

    Anyway my stupid question is... I work for a great dentist...WHY can't you ahole's stop asking her bullshit like Is she "a hunter?"
    It's NOT funny and it's pissing us all off.... because regular dentist are not hunters and it's very insulting and not at ALL funny.

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  54. Joe K.
    • 770 friends
    • 720 reviews

    Why?

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  55. Valeria R.

    Thanks, Adria. So I won't feel pain? I need a wisdom tooth extracted and I'm a big wuss.

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  56. Rick B.
    • 7 friends
    • 1 review

    Can you afford the wisdom loss?

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  57. Valeria R.

    I'll still have 2 of them left, Rick. That should tide me over for a while.

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  58. Rick B.
    • 7 friends
    • 1 review

    What happened?  You can't make the payments on it anymore?

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  59. This Yelper's account has been closed.
  60. Loli L.
    • 211 friends
    • 1526 reviews

    Is this thing on?

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  61. Umesh T.

    ... Like Tron and Donkey Kong combined!!!

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  62. Valeria R.

    How do I view my dukedoms and check-in badges on my new Windows phone? I like looking at them...they're so pretty.

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  63. Rick B.
    • 7 friends
    • 1 review

    You lose them if you use a Windows phone.

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  64. Valeria R.

    Nooooooooo!!!!

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  65. This Yelper's account has been closed.
  66. Umesh T.

    Of course they will. Duh!

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  67. Rick B.
    • 7 friends
    • 1 review

    Val, as long as you don't Yelp on the Windows phone,  you can probably keep the Elite badge.  But they can tell via the User Agent.

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  68. Umesh T.

    Agent 007?

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  69. Rick B.
    • 7 friends
    • 1 review

    Agent Whor-ange

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  70. Valeria R.

    I can't seem to understand zero-sum.

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  71. Coach P. C.
    • 122 friends
    • 161 reviews

    Maybe because it's not a win-win situation?

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  72. Coach P. C.
    • 122 friends
    • 161 reviews

    OK, serious replies only puhhhhhhleeeeeeze.

    Do people list things on Craigslist, like a bookshelf for sale, and expect you to bargain on the price?

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  73. Rick B.
    • 7 friends
    • 1 review

    Sure.  They're generally just happy that you don't rob and kill them.

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  74. El B.
    • El B.
    • San Francisco, CA
    • 245 friends
    • 567 reviews

    Do people on CL just put their garbage in front of their houses and expect people to haul it away cuz they listed it in 'free stuff'?

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  75. Stephani M.
    • 644 friends
    • 562 reviews

    If Disney does build the stadium in Carson will it have like a mini-Disney/Raider fan theme going on with a safe place for kids to play while the parents get drunk and cheer on the team?

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  76. Alan F.
    • 127 friends
    • 518 reviews

    What goes into a gin and tonic?  (I was actually asked this question a few years ago at Pear Street Bistro in Pinole, when one of the office staff was pressed into service as a substitute bartender.)

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  77. Brad R.
    • 176 friends
    • 91 reviews

    Back when I was working at a wholesale nursery and guiding a client to get some information on a plant I recommended that they do a google search on the plant. They go, "Yeah, sounds good, and how do I do that?"

    My response was, " You go to google.com type ____ into the box and hit enter."

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  78. Rick B.
    • 7 friends
    • 1 review

    If Disney does build the stadium in Carson will it have like a mini-Disney/Raider fan theme going on with a safe place for kids to play while the parents get drunk and cheer on the team?
    ______

    The draft plans have a windowless,  underground room that looks like Umesh's basement, but with a rack of soiled princess dresses.

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  79. This Yelper's account has been closed.
  80. Stephani M.
    • 644 friends
    • 562 reviews

    ^ omg...this is just what i imagined!

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  81. This Yelper's account has been closed.
  82. Loli L.
    • 211 friends
    • 1526 reviews

    Do rappers outside of the U.S. give shout outs to their area code?

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  83. Valeria R.

    Do any of you b!tches know Visio? I'm stumped on something.

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  84. Umesh T.

    Why is Valeria still Elite?

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  85. Umesh T.

    Lol @ loli !!!

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  86. Rick B.
    • 7 friends
    • 1 review

    Stumped by a TV?

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  87. Valeria R.

    The software, Rick.

    P.S. Shaddup, Umerz!!!

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  88. Umesh T.

    Why? You want to to ask about gory holes instead?

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  89. Coach P. C.
    • 122 friends
    • 161 reviews

    Would you make homemade mac-n-cheese with one of those whole grain versions of pasta? Or would that ruin the dish?

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  90. Valeria R.

    *ignores Umey*

    Coach, don't you dare.

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  91. Coach P. C.
    • 122 friends
    • 161 reviews

    Thought so! If you're gonna do it, do it all the way.

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  92. This Yelper's account has been closed.
  93. Jay C.
    • Jay C.
    • Beer Bottle Crossing, ID
    • 412 friends
    • 0 reviews

    ^ avoidthenoid

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  94. Jay C.
    • Jay C.
    • Beer Bottle Crossing, ID
    • 412 friends
    • 0 reviews

    en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/…

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  95. Valeria R.

    ^^LOL at "pizza nipple"^^

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  96. Rick B.
    • 7 friends
    • 1 review

    Does Spanish lack the letters K and W so that the KKK can't have a website in Spain?

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  97. Joe K.
    • 770 friends
    • 720 reviews

    Does speed dating mean you have sex before the first date?

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  98. This Yelper's account has been closed.
  99. Joanna B.

    Why do fools fall in love?

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