Big Ass Giveaway! (Note: Not Giving Away Actual Big Ass. This Time.)

I AM GIVING AWAY A BUNCH OF FREE SEX STUFF. 

Yes, I am rich in sexy items and wanted to share some with you, in some sort of fucked up way of saying Thank You.

So, like Eminem, I'm Cleanin' Out My Closet, but finding sex toys instead of psychological damage. (Oh, there's plenty of that back there, too. I'm not completely deluded. Just didn't seem like that fun of a prize.)

Here's what I have for you today. (For the record, I don't get any kickbacks or anything for these, I just like sex and am super thrifty--a delightful combination. I can't stand that these would be going unenjoyed, like lonely little residents of the Island of Misfit Sex Toys.)

1.  Autoblow 2

This is a pretty major blow job machine. Kind of like a really big fleshlight, but it plugs in and does all the work itself.  Comes with a "B" size insert, so I suppose you or your lover should have a B-sized wiener (as opposed to A or C). Generally costs, like, $160 bucks.


2.  Slaphappy Bendable Couples Vibe

The Autoblow people gave me an extra one of these as well (again, don't worry, it's a different one!) and I love it. It's a nice, pretty strong vibe, though I don't get the aspect that it's also supposedly a G-Spot vibe. It's pretty damn wide and I was not gonna put that thing inside of me. Also can be pressed into service, as it were, on a guy during general fuckery or hand/blow jobs.

 3.  Wicked Awaken

A "stimulating clitoral massaging gel." It's vegan, and herbaly, is created "to heighten sensitivity and enhance libido." That sounds good, yes?





 4. Fill Me In:  Adult Colouring

A groovy Adult Colouring Book created by a super cool, sex positive chick named Sarah who is British and wastes extra "U"s like they're free. Also included is a greeting card with the image there at left and a colourable desk calendar which is now only semi-usable seeing that it's already March. (My fault).  Love her and want to support the fuck out of her.

5.  PrimalDerma
 

PrimalDerma is skincare lotion/goo/slipperyness that's made from beef tallow. Which sounds kind of gross, but actually is kind of a non-issue in any ways that you'd suspect. I have been rubbed down with this stuff and it was pretty fucking amazing. It's slidey, but absorbs into your skin insanely well, so you can have your way with it in a variety of ways.

I actually have more stuff: a "jumbo" butt plug, a vintage issue of Hustler and such, but I grow weary with you now.

Let me know what you want* and we'll get this started, motherfuckers.

xoxox
jill

*Contest Rules:  Tell me which one(s) you want, in the comments below or via email at [email protected]. I'll pick a random winner for each thing. I'll even ship that $%#@ to your door at my expense. And I won't even be a child and write what's inside in huge letters on the outside of the box. Deadline is March 18. 

In return, perhaps you could do a solid for the blog:

--Like the IBWMW Facebook page or like a post or two there.
--Follow on Twitter.
--Share a post, this contest, or tell someone about the blog.
--Mention the blog in your prayer group.
--Fantasize about the blog during a private moment.