albertburneko Page 2 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Please Enjoy This Brief Video Of Devin Booker Being A Pickup Weenie
In general, it’s fine to have informal house rules in a pickup basketball game. “Guard your man” is a good one, for example: Few things are more annoying or more ruinous to the flow of play than the lazy sack of crap who sags 20 feet off his man, substituting the aggregate strategic soundness of let...
Which Flavor Of White Claw Hard Seltzer Is Best (At Football)?
This past weekend, I stopped by the little beer-and-wine store near my local supermarket and picked up a 12-can variety pack of White Claw–brand fruit-flavored “hard seltzer.” At the checkout counter, I had two options: A hip-looking 20-something dude with a beard and some kind of bunlike thing goin...
Horny <i>Times</i> Columnist Would Like To Know Who's Down To Fuck
I have not been a regular reader of the Times’s Ross Douthat since the 2016 presidential campaign, and I was not a regular reader of his before that. Unlike David Brooks and Bret Stephens, the other fussy right-wing cheese heaps who pretend to dislike Donald Trump for the Times, I do not have a stan...
Pour One Out For The Sad Fucker Who Flunked His Being-Zion Williamson's-Agent Exam
Reader, I will be honest with you: My eyes turned to little wads of chalk and I lapsed into a coma for 50,000 lifetimes of the earth while trying to read this ESPN.com feature about the twists of hotshot rookie Zion Williamson’s path to a sneaker endorsement deal. All I remember about it is the unbe...
<i>Once Upon A Time In Hollywood</i> Is A Fun Movie About Making Shit Up
In 1992, when I would have been 11 years old or so, I went with my family to the theater to see the movie Radio Flyer, starring Elijah Wood and the annoying dinosaur enthusiast kid from Jurassic Park (Joseph Mazzello) as brothers in an abusive household in... probably the late 1950s or early 1960s? ...
The NBA's Supermax Is Doing What It Was Supposed To
The provisions of a collective bargaining agreement can be tricky things. After all, by definition they’re negotiated and agreed upon by parties with different and largely opposed interests, who will want different and often directly conflicting things out of them. The purpose or intent of any given...
Barry Sanders Was The Coolest Football Player Who Ever Lived
What would it take for a present-day football player to equal or surpass the sheer coolness of Barry Sanders, who turns 51 years old today? I’m not sure it’s even possible. Individual humans simply are not permitted to impose themselves on the sport’s structure in 2019 the way they were in 1992. And...
Until There's A Contract, There's No Contract
Here is some weapons-grade stoogery, from The Athletic’s Jared Weiss:...
Can The Thunder Trade Russell Westbrook?
The trade that brought Paul George to the Los Angeles Clippers also in effect brought Kawhi Leonard to the Clippers. That alone makes it one of the more momentous trades in recent NBA history, and the shockwaves haven’t even finished circling the globe yet....
There Are Too Many Kinds Of Dashes
So you’ve got the hyphen. That’s the “-” guy. It joins words together. When you put “-ass” at the end of an adjective, you are using a hyphen. Also when you are separating out the syllables of a word, like for effect—“pre-pos-ter-ous”—that is also a hyphen job. The hyphen’s function in that case is ...
And Now, A Washington Wizards Update: Hell
If you lost track of the Washington Wizards amid all Sunday’s wild NBA free-agency news, that’s fine, and reasonable. It speaks well of you, all things considered. A solid double-fistful of the league’s big stars switched teams over the weekend, and none of them came to or left the Wizards—but the W...
Kevin Durant Will Be A Free Agent
Kevin Durant has declined the one-year player option on his contract with the Golden State Warriors, which would have paid him $31.5 million next season. He’ll be an unrestricted free agent next week. ESPN’s Adrian Wojnarowski first reported the news on Twitter....
Don't Do It, Nets!
NBA free-agency opens on July 1, and if the rumors and anonymous reports are to be believed, at least one big star already has his destination picked out: Kyrie Irving, on his way out of Boston, has his eyes on the Brooklyn Nets. For the Nets, signing Irving—particularly if it’s done with an eye tow...
Reds' Jesse Winker Goes Ass Over Teakettle To Turn A Double Into A Triple
With one out in the top of the second inning of yesterday’s Reds-Brewers game, Cincinnati’s Jesse Winker smoked a loopy Jimmy Nelson breaking ball on a hard line past center fielder Lorenzo Cain and all the way to the wall. It was a double, easily. Was it a triple? Only for a madman. A madman like J...
Mike Conley Traded To Utah Jazz For Some Crud
Remember the decade basketbloggers and analysts spent appending the word “underrated” to every single mention of Mike Conley’s name? Then he signed what was, at the time, the largest contract in NBA history, and everybody stopped calling him “underrated” for a while. Heh, well, about that....
There's A Difference Between Luck That's Received And Luck That's Found
Other franchises will want to make a replicable plan out of the Toronto Raptors’ journey to one of the truly amazing championships in NBA history. That’s how it goes. There has to be some parable in what everybody just watched, even if it’s the dullest kind, the kind about the friggin’ salary cap. ...
There's Nothing Quite Like Draymond Green At Full Speed
Draymond Green’s curse (well, other than the invisible backpack) is that no matter how good he gets at basketball, the most immediately and undeniably impressive basketball feats, the truly unmistakable displays of superhuman ability, will never be available to him. He will never pour on the hailsto...
Play In Game 5, Coward, God Gave You Two Calves For A Reason
Look. Obviously this (emphasis added), from our own Samer Kalaf, is the correct take:...
The Regions Of The United States
Here are the regions of the United States....
Dead Letters: "You Are A Bruins Dan"
Subject: Seems a bit harsh...