albertburneko Page 3 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Kevin Durant Is Fucking Up The Finals
In an ordinary Finals, the team in Golden State’s position, down 2-1 after dropping Game 3 at home, would be in real trouble, needing to win three out of four and at least once on the road to avoid elimination. Hell, the Warriors might even be in real trouble! Or maybe they aren’t the Warriors, but ...
Who The Hell Wants To Run The Wizards?
The Washington Wizards dismissed longtime personnel chief Ernie Grunfeld (his title was “president of basketball operations” but it was a role broadly analogous to “general manager”) back at the beginning of April. More than two months have passed. The draft is a little over two weeks away. Free age...
A Thorough And Informative 2019 NBA Finals Preview For Basketball Idiots
Hello, casual basketball viewer! At long last, the NBA Finals are here, and you know what that means: It’s time once again for you to crib a pitiful smattering of hoops knowledge from this extremely half-assed blog and carry it forth to the sports bar like the torch that lights your path....
Todd Frazier Eats Pancakes Weird
Mets guy Todd Frazier had some chocolate-chip pancakes....
The Aliens Are Not Real, And Also They're Total Cowards
Maybe you have seen the news that ... well, what, exactly? Near as I can tell the “news” is that lots and lots of Navy pilots have seen UFOs, but that somehow none of them have recorded anything but grainy, indistinct, Classic Arts Showcase–ass video of blurry dots which we’re meant to believe are t...
Mallex Smith Circled The Bases In The Coolest Of Ways
You can keep your filthy “dingers,” your “dongs,” your “mashed taters,” you damn dirty apes! Corkscrew yourselves into hell for all I care! Give me a ruthless speedster thieving his way around the bases, as the Mariners’ Mallex Smith did to the pathetic Rangers in the bottom of the eighth inning las...
The Big Idiot President Is Not Getting Himself Impeached On Purpose, C'mon
Would you get a load of this shit:...
Quit Smashing Giannis Into The Damn Wall Already
For a top-seeded team that rampaged through the regular season and the first two rounds of the playoffs at a nigh-historic level of dominance, the Milwaukee Bucks feature a dull-ass half-court offense. Often—dismally often—it’s just, well, this:...
A Better Way <i>Game Of Thrones</i> Could Have Arrived At This Same Point
The very next paragraph contains a description of the events of “The Bells,” the fifth episode of the eighth and final season of Game of Thrones, which aired last night. If you do not want to know what happened in that episode, stop reading now....
We're The Staff Of Deadspin. Let's Chat!
The week is basically over. We’re hanging out down in the comment section under this post, awaiting your questions. Ask us stuff! Update: We’re done....
The Vile Celtics Are Dead And I'm So Happy
It was going to be so bad, man....
Disgraced Racist "British" Political PR Doofus From Seattle: I'm A Cowboy
If you’re familiar with catastrophically incompetent Republican politics and PR doofus Liz Mair at all, first of all I’m so sorry about your brain worms problem. But also, it’s likely you recall her viral Twitter meltdown in January, when she posted an insane, racist gripe about Spanish-speaking peo...
Milwaukee's Bench Broke Boston's Will
By the latter part of the fourth quarter of last night’s home game against the Milwaukee Bucks, the Boston Celtics had all but disbanded on the court. Milwaukee’s Giannis Antetokounmpo was rampaging to the rim on virtually every possession; the Celtics had given up on helping each other defensively,...
Kawhi Leonard Is Just Very Frickin' Good
Look, man. I think the Toronto Raptors are still outright failing at lots of fairly basic manufacturing-a-series-win-type shit. They still have no plan, for example, for creating a steady diet of reasonably high-percentage shots. Or for attacking J.J. Redick, Philadelphia’s best shooter and most vul...
The Raptors Are Doing Whatever The Hell This Is Again
Well, shit....
Cersei Lannister Is Smarter Than All These Morons
Cersei was right! That’s the main takeaway from “The Long Night,” the deliriously silly and nonsensical third episode of the eighth and final season of Game of Thrones, which aired last night. Not only is Cersei Lannister smarter than everybody else in Westeros, she has definitively proven that you ...
Joe Biden Wants To Be The Donald Trump For White People Who Don't Like Donald Trump
Joe Biden’s campaign announcement video—he’s running for president, of course—begins with Charlottesville, Va. It’s a choice, and the construct it reflects is an interesting one. It says a lot....
Let's Catch Up On The State Of The Marvel Cinematic Universe In Time For <i>Avengers: Endgame</i>
Hello friends! As you’re well aware by now, Avengers: Endgame opens in theaters this weekend, finally bringing to a—uh, well, not a close or a conclusion, but uh like some kind of large-scale branding transition for Disney and its Marvel Studios subsidiary, where they will arbitrarily plant a flag a...
The Nets Didn't Have A Plan For J.J. Redick, So He Ripped Them Apart
Only a few NBA players qualify as “unguardable.” It’s a weird category: Being unguardable isn’t the same thing as being quantitatively better than everybody else. James Harden, the best scorer in the NBA, almost certainly will bust your ass no matter how you play him, but there’s at least a theory f...