albertburneko Page 4 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
A Good Idea For Multiplayer Video Games
Drew wrote in this week’s Funbag about getting waxed by his own dang kid in FIFA 19. In our staff chatroom, I mentioned that the one time my own young son succeeded in beating me in Street Fighter II on the SNES Classic (after roughly 200 tries), I had to ruthlessly blank him in two straight rematch...
They Don't Make 'Em Like They Used To
By now you’ve seen that Notre-Dame de Paris, the historic medieval cathedral in Paris, spent much of Monday being consumed by an uncontrolled inferno. Its stone body, which dates back centuries, appears largely to have survived the conflagration, as did the bulk of the religious relics and art withi...
Michael Wilbon Will Not Pardon Golf Reruns Being Interrupted For Tornado Warnings
A system of intense and fast-moving thunderstorms swept across most of the eastern United States on Sunday. In Georgia, the incoming weather forced the fourth and final round of the weekend’s Masters golf tournament to start hours earlier than usual, so that the golfers and spectators could get off ...
Frankly An Incredibly Good And Informative, Ah, Preview Of The 2019 NBA Playoffs, Part 2
Good day to you, hoop-sport friends! It’s time for the second part of our extremely on-time and thorough preview of the 2019 NBA playoffs. Today we’ll discuss the important topics of the first-round series that begin, uh, today: When and where they’re on TV, who’s in ‘em, how they got here, and of c...
Frankly An Incredibly Good And Informative, Ah, Preview Of The 2019 NBA Playoffs, Part 1
Well hello there, casual basketball fan! Welcome back... to the crucible of champions. The NBA playoffs are upon us once again, probably within minutes or possibly even before I actually finish writing this very long (and good) blog. Oh crap!...
For His Final Act, Magic Made The Lakers Disappear
Probably the Lakers will recover. They’re the Lakers. Anyway, judging by the vaguely bitchy tweets, he wasn’t actually doing all that much work in the first place, and judging by the results of the past two-plus years, he may not have been very good at it....
There's No Way For <i>Game Of Thrones</i> To Get The Ending It Deserves
There seemed to be a point to all that sprawl, for a while. Or at least a theme. Or anyway that is what I told myself!...
The Nets Are In
Coming into the final weekend of the regular season, none of the handful of decidedly un-great teams racing for the Eastern Conference’s last few playoff spots—the Pistons, Magic, Nets, Heat, and Hornets—had a truly easy route to the postseason. They’d all have to beat somebody to get through. The t...
Report: Wizards To Replace Ernie Grunfeld, Finally, My God, I Thought They'd Never Do It
The Washington Wizards have fired longtime team president and head personnel honcho Ernie Grunfeld, according to a tweet by the Times’s Marc Stein that made the top of my head explode like Mount St. Helens, splattering the interior walls of my home with confetti and glitter....
Which Online Edgelord Mishaps Will Derail Trevor Bauer's Season?
It’s Opening Day, folks, and you know what that means: It’s time to speculate and make predictions about the upcoming major league baseball season. Which teams will win the divisions, wild cards, pennants, and World Series? Who’s gonna sock a ton of dingers? Which bizarre Internet Libertarian ailmen...
Australian Shopping Center Terrorized By A Pair Of Hellion Nine-Year-Olds
Two extremely, ah, feisty(?) nine-year-old girls went on an absolute fucking rampage at the Helensvale Shopping Centre in Gold Coast, Queensland, Australia yesterday. And by “absolute fucking rampage” I mean that they abused an old lady, spat on, punched, and kicked a security guard, and danced on a...
The Celtics Are A Stinky Mess Again, Again
So it was not a great weekend for the Boston Celtics, once upon a time and now not at all the presumptive class of the Eastern Conference. In fact it was a very bad one!...
I Can't Stop Looking At This Photo Of Marcus Smart Nonchalantly Shoving Joel Embiid
Joel Embiid stuck out an elbow and a foot, possibly maliciously and definitely in the sort of passive-aggressive way that players sometimes do this stuff to each other; Marcus Smart crashed into them, and then onto the floor; Smart got up and shoved Embiid onto the floor; and Getty’s Mitchell Leff s...
All Anthony Davis Did Was Request A Trade
On Oct. 3, 1974, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, then the 27-year-old reigning MVP of the NBA and the biggest star the sport of basketball had ever seen, told the brass of the Milwaukee Bucks that he didn’t want to play for them anymore, and requested a trade. He had one year left on his contract and, as he re...
Giannis And Embiid, Just A Couple Of Giant Space Monsters Smashing Everyone Else Into Hell
The Bucks played the 76ers yesterday, in Milwaukee. The game had an outcome; the outcome had no effect on the standings. I am here to call to your attention the two giant space monsters, Giannis Antetokounmpo and Joel Embiid, who combined for 92 points and 31 rebounds in the game and made everybody ...
Russell Westbrook Found His Jump Shot And Is Doing Russ Shit Again
Pretty much everything about how Russell Westbrook played basketball over the first 10 years of his pro career, and especially over the two seasons prior to this one, was insane and impossible. Each time he crossed over into a 75-degree change of direction while sprinting—sprinting—directly at a def...
<i>The Atlantic</i>: Let's Get Fascist So We Don't Have To Elect Fascists<em></em>
We must repel the barbarian horde, according to The Atlantic. ...
Andrew Wiggins Update: Ah, Hm, Well, The Thing Is
First, the good news! Fifth-year forward Andrew Wiggins, the former first overall pick in the draft, has more points (1,038 so far) than shot attempts (966) on the season. That was not the case the last time we visited our pal Andrew, back at the end of November, when he was on track to join the sma...
It Is The Warriors' Sacred Duty To Orbital Strike The Celtics Into Hell Tonight
It’s been rough going for the poor Boston Celtics lately. They’ve lost five of six since the break, they’ve made no headway in their pursuit of a top-four seed in the playoffs, and they got absolutely walloped at home by James Harden and the Houston Rockets two nights ago. Perhaps even more ominousl...
It Is The Warriors' Sacred Duty To Orbital Strike The Celtics Into Hell Tonight
It’s been rough going for the poor Boston Celtics lately. They’ve lost five of six since the break, they’ve made no headway in their pursuit of a top-four seed in the playoffs, and they got absolutely walloped at home by James Harden and the Houston Rockets two nights ago. Perhaps even more ominousl...