albertburneko Page 47 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
How To Cook Sausage And Peppers: A Guide For The Stir Crazy
This is the worst time of year....
How To Make A Pasta With Anchovies (And Other Stuff): A Guide For The Unafraid
It's pasta time! We'll do a simple pasta preparation, oh, once a month or so, because they're a nice respite from braising a pork shoulder for a month and whisking butter for the entirety of human history, and because pasta is a fun, cheap, quick way to whip up something unreasonably tasty and then ...
How To Make Pulled Pork: A Guide For Unfussy Super Bowl Eaters
So the Super Bowl is here, and the internet has spent the past several weeks telling you that your game-watching experience will be a sad, dismal, disappointing failure unless it is accompanied by a veritable buffet-table of exotic culinary delights—Great catch, Boldin! Could somebody pass me anothe...
How To Cook Lobster Tails: A Guide For People Who Don't Have Butlers To Do All The Work
Somewhere along the way, lobster became the symbol of gustatory luxury. You picture your stereotypical Person Of Means sitting down to a feast—me, I always picture olde-tymey plutocrats in top hats and tails, monocled, even the women and babies, because my experience of society's upper class begins ...
How To Make Chicken Soup: A Guide For The Flu-Stricken, I.E., Every Goddamn One Of You
So you've got the flu; I've got the flu; your significant other and/or kids and/or parakeets have the flu; everybody's got the flu. One of the annoying things about the flu, after, y'know, the raging fever and the intractable body aches and the weakness and your pores turning into disgusting sweat-h...
Taste Test: The Portable Yogurt That Isn't
Go-Gurt's charmingly daft, hilariously unappetizing name implies its creation myth: the notion that, out there in the world, there were consumers who liked feeding their kids delicious, nutritious yogurt, but were frustrated by its cripplingly immobile nature—"I need a portable, on-the-go yogurt!" ...
How To Make Shrimp Linguine: A Guide For Lovers
Look. Wonderful as these foodstuffs are, it's not all pot roasts and chili and disturbingly alien holiday candies out there in the world of eating; nor should it be in your kitchen. Sometimes you're not looking to spend all day slow-cooking some large quantity of rich, meaty food to serve to a lot o...
How To Make A Bean Dip: A Guide For New Year's Eve Partygoers Who Are Getting Too Old For This Shit
One of the things that changes when you become a haggard, grayfaced grownup is how you spend New Year's Eve. When you were a hip, attractive, energetic young person, you spent the night traipsing between crowded, noisy bars, meeting interesting people and talking excitedly about your plans for the f...
How To Cook A Pot Roast: A Guide For People Who Want To Live, Dammit
Somewhere along the way, it got common to treat Christmas dinner like Thanksgiving II: This Time Without Turkey—like a big showpiece meal for which amateur cooks are meant to serve up some impressive exotic culinary masterpiece far outside the bounds of their humble repertoire of comfort foods. Take...
Taste Test: Three Weird Santa Candies That Want To Murder You
Our cultural affinity for eating crumbly effigies of supernatural holiday icons (the Easter Bunny, Santa Claus, Jesus Christ) only seems weird and slightly unsavory until you consider that we're trying to absorb their mystical powers into ourselves, and then it makes perfect sense. Who wouldn't want...
How To Make Your Own Mac And Cheese: A Guide For Mad Scientists
Folks, making homemade macaroni and cheese is a pain in the ass. It takes forever and there are a million steps involved and you have to have flour and you have to shred cheese and even if you don't have to know annoying French words like roux and béchamel, ugh, you still have to make the things the...
How To Eat Your Leftovers: A Guide For Slobs
The morning following Thanksgiving is a bleary, cotton-mouthed, dead-eyed time—a time for questions, a time of Reckoning. "Oh, Jesus, how much did I drink yesterday?" and, "Am I going to die?" and, "Why do I keep doing this to myself?" and, "Am I in Fort Worth? How did I come to be in Fort Worth?" T...
Eating: A Strategic Guide
How does one eat a Thanksgiving meal? On its face this might seem like a ridiculous question, and also everywhere else too. I mean, who doesn't know how to eat? (Excepting the British, of course.) Thanksgiving is marked, more than anything else, by its abundance of tasty foodstuffs; practically spea...
How To Improvise A Last-Minute Feast: A MacGyver's Guide To Thanksgiving
Oh, shit. Thanksgiving is here? Already?...
How To Make A Thanksgiving Side Dish: A Guide For Slackers And Overgrown Children
So Thanksgiving is right around the corner, and if you're lucky, somebody the hell else is hosting it. Lost amid all the talk in recent years of various turkey-cooking methods—the relative merits of roasting versus deep-frying; whether to brine the bird or cook it upside down or baste it every few f...
How To Make A Meatloaf That Doesn't Suck: A Guide For Unrefined Hedonists
It seems fair to say that meatloaf does not enjoy the very best reputation among foodstuffs. You tend to think of it as something harried parents make, and when their kids ask what's for dinner and are told, they say, "Aw, meatloaf?" and then smother it in ketchup and glumly pick at it with their fo...
How To Make Nachos: A Guide For The Daring
You go to a ballpark or amusement park or carnival and ask for some nachos, and you get a plastic tub with three compartments: a large one holding a fistful of tortilla chips, and smaller ones holding, respectively, molten cheese-food and a tablespoon of canned dog food that you are obliged to prete...
How To Improvise A Meal Out Of Whatever Crap You Have In Your Pantry: A Guide For Ill-Prepared Hurricane Shut-Ins
By now you’ve taken all the standard hurricane precautions—closing the drapes, double-checking to make sure you have an umbrella in your coat closet, duct-taping your pets to the walls, and so on—but you’re at a loss when it comes to the most important challenge of a natural disaster: what to do wit...
How To Eat Halloween Candy: A Guide And A Power Ranking For Sad Adults
That the Snickers bar is the best of all candy bars is a point so obvious and unassailable that it needn't be argued here. What's odd and paradoxical-seeming, and thus noteworthy, is that its superiority is the precise reason why the Snickers is not the best candy bar for Halloween. That is to say, ...
What To Eat With The Best Hot Sauce In The World: A Guide For People Who Aren't Anti-Sriracha Bores
You ever been to a hot-sauce specialty shop? These are dimly lit little retail closets, typically in beachside vacation towns and the like, where you stare at shelves upon shelves of little hot-sauce bottles and have a chuckle at the menacingly hyperbolic product names and label imagery used to indi...