rayratto Page 2 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
How Do The Raiders Do It?
Year after year, move after move, hire after hire, the Raiders outdo their own capacity for abject humiliation, and every time you think they’ve bottomed out, they bring in a new excavator. And now, with the start and also pending end of the Antonio Brown era, they can honestly say that the earth’s ...
The NFL Is 100, And Sometimes It Makes You Feel That Way Too
You may not have heard about it because the National Football League has fought heroically to keep this information out of the public, but this season the NFL celebrates its 100th year of whatever it is that they do. Toward that end, commissioner and dictator-for-life Jerry Jones was invited to the ...
Carli Lloyd And The Rule Of The Second
There are going to be somewhere around 10 in-season openings for NFL placekickers this year because there have been somewhere around that many every year since the rules were changed to make kicking more stressful. The chance that one of them will go to Carli Lloyd is minimal....
What Should Andrew Luck Do With His Superpower Of Making Dumb People Mad?
I imagine Andrew Luck is thinking about a Senate run today. Nothing, after all, inspires dreams of grandeur quite as quickly as doing something personal and painful that makes America pick a side, twitch like a worker in a meth lab, and then scream at each other for a few days....
The NFL Has Accepted The 80-Yard Field So Now Chaos Can Reign
So it turns out that professional football teams can do all the things they need to do on any given day with 20 percent less field. All they have to do is not give much of a damn about it....
The Antonio Brown Helmet Saga Ends With A Wet Thud
I suppose the only way the Antonio Brown Body Issue could wrap up was with him turning into a penitent and eager company man. He fought the law, the law yawned, took its feet off the desk, mixed itself a drink and hammered him flat, and he went “all-in” on being an Oakland Raider by playing Jon Grud...
The Nihilist's Guide To DeMarcus Cousins's Injury
If karma exists, DeMarcus Cousins did some ethereal being mighty wrong. If this is just bad luck, Cousins not only has his own but several other people’s as well....
Antonio Brown Had Better Have Something Else In Store
You hate when a great story about massive foot blisters, home-painted football helmets, ultimatums, and coaches supporting their players through clenched teeth and retirement threats takes an obvious plot twist, but here we are: Antonio Brown v. Roger Goodell:...
The Start Of The Premier League Means The Start Of Manager-Sacking Season
The Premier League begins Friday. By Sunday, at least one manager will be rumored to be in trouble “if results do not improve.”...
What In The Hell Is Happening In The NL?
I am surprised that Comrade Roth hasn’t mentioned this a couple of hundred times because as a Mets fan he is by definition skin-rash-level annoying, but there’s this: The Mets are now in the National League wild card mosh pit....
The Raiders Will Be The Death Of <i>Hard Knocks</i>
I do not consider Hard Knocks a part of my sport-watching schedule, so I come to this conclusion solely without bias and based entirely on the hearsay of others, minimal news reports, Antonio Brown’s balloon arrival, and the law of diminishing returns:...
Let's Rebrand The Clippers
Steve Ballmer said he is open to renaming/rebranding his basketball team, which would be noble if the rest of the sentence read, “because the amoral pig who owned this before me turned the enterprise into a urinal and even shouting like a lunatic and bringing Jerry West and Kawhi Leonard on board do...
A Trade Deadline Full Of Sound And Fury And Setup Men
Of the enduring images that make live sports television great, few rival the trade deadline shows for pure unalloyed reality. Men in coats staring at phones that don’t ring, then looking plaintively at each other and the hosts as if to say, “We got nothing here. Go to break, do a puppet show, crack ...
Get Ready For The Real Tampering Fight
Sure, you people laughed about the new NBA-wags-its-withering-fingers-at-tampering story. Of course you did. You’re still drunk, high, and sleeping on the front lawn about the latest offseason. It’s what you do, because drunken no-limits you is the best you you’ll ever be....
The Red-Hot Giants Are Ruining Everything For Everybody
Plans change. That’s the best thing about them. Inflexible thought is kindling, and only the adroit bully survives. Kawhi Leonard changed the topography of the NBA by winning a championship. Anthony Davis changed it by crushing New Orleans’s hope before the first national anthem was shrieked. And Ma...
The NBA Offseason Doesn't Get Better Than This. Unfortunately.
And now, the longer view on the Russell Westbrook–Chris Paul deal that you haven’t seen yet:...
Nothing's Happening Today
This is the worst time of the year, but not for the reason you think. It’s because everyone in sports media all the way down to a three-watt radio station in Cow Skull, Saskatchewan, tells you it’s the worst time of the year. “Nothing’s happening,” “Nothing’s going on,” “We’re so bored,” and “I know...
Does Rob Manfred Even <i>Like</i> Baseball?
Baseball giveth, and baseball taketh away. In these perilous times when every little moment is a referendum on whether the game will survive until Christmas, and every act of untrammeled joy comes with two asterisks that scream, “Yeah, but they’ll screw it up because it’s baseball and only old peopl...
Kawhi Leonard Is The NBA's Executive Of The Year
Kawhi Leonard dynamited what remained of the premise of the Executive of the Year Award, and in doing so redefined the meaning of such staples as: the Friday night news dump; the value of holding onto non-human playing assets; and even patriotism. Now if that’s not a full day’s work for an adult-siz...
Treat The Knicks Like What They Are
Kevin Durant could have chosen better than to make Brooklyn the new center of the universe. For example, he could have joined Kawhi Leonard in Toronto and taken on the entire National Hockey League at its very core by making basketball Canada’s new national pastime. I mean, it’s one thing to kick th...