What ‘Ballers’ Misunderstands About Gaslighting

This week’s episode of HBO’s Ballers featured Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson doing his best Taylor Swift impression and it wasn’t even the first time — Johnson got down to “Shake It Off” back in April as a part of Spike TV’s Lip Sync Battle. But this was the first time we’ve seen The Rock confronted with the complex subject of gaslighting, which the episode is also titled.

Ballers may have confirmed Johnson’s favorite pop song, but it only confused what gaslighting means. The word comes from the 1938 stage play “Gas Light,” a story that depicted a woman being systematically manipulated by her husband, who would alter elements of reality and claim it was in her head. While men are not always familiar with the term, many women use it to describe a range of dismissive behaviors, typically in romantic relationships when someone is disregarded as “crazy.”

Sports reporter and sometimes-girlfriend Tracy Legette, played by Arielle Kebbel, tried to break down gaslighting for Spencer (Johnson), saying it’s when you “string her along, make her feel really special. And then slowly drive her nuts by walling off your emotions and avoiding her.”

But gaslighting is also considered a form of mental abuse. Though Spencer is an arrogant, pill-popping, retired pro-athlete, putting him in an abusive category is a stretch. This might be a symptom of a broader issue of how loosely we all use this loaded word. Just because gaslighting can make people doubt their sanity, it does not make it a catch-all term for any kind of crazy-making behavior.

According to Dr. George Simon, a clinical psychologist specializing in manipulation tactics, technical gaslighting is much more intentional.

“It is the deliberate attempt to make someone doubt the legitimacy of their perceptions or beliefs.” Dr. Simon told Decider. “And it’s always done with more than the intent to make the other person feel bad.” Rather, it’s a way to keep another person in the self-doubting position where they can be controlled, exploited and harmed more easily. That seems like a lot to pin on a guy who just wants to car-dance to some sweet pop jams.

The Ballers-brand definition of gaslighting may not match up with this clinical expertise, but it is consistent with the casual way people use the word in real life. Spencer is grappling with what many men do — a variety of behaviors that produce what Dr. Simon called a “gaslighting effect.” This occurs when more confident personalities dominate insecure ones and dismiss their opinions and feelings, but without the same malice intent as true gaslighting.

Spencer got the gaslighting label from having a casual relationship with Angie, not noticing her at a party and then paying her off to protect Vernon. This all seems like a part of the job description when you’re basically the Olivia Pope of pro sports. It’s not ideal, but it doesn’t appear to be the “gaslighting effect” either.

“A Spencer-like character would be an easy scapegoat for an Angie-like character, who simply didn’t recognize the initial seduction for what it was,” Dr. Simon explained about the episode. She could only cry gaslighting if Spencer had made her feel special, lead her to believe he wanted something more, lost interest and then denied her perception of that connection. Instead, Angie took the sincere apology, the money and the opportunity to mess with Spencer’s head about the paternity of her son. She’s not a victim; she’s a hustler who got what she wanted. But if anyone got manipulated in this situation, it was Spencer.

This episode isn’t totally wrong about gaslighting either. Women are more aware of gaslighting than men, making them more prone to pointing it out. Dr. Simon attributed this to an increase in resources geared towards educating women who were more vulnerable to this in the past. This is partially why gaslighting might seem like an exclusively female issue, when men can be victims of it too.

Where Ballers gets it right is reflecting where we all get gaslighting wrong.
Many intelligent, well-intentioned people like Tracy often accuse others of it without fully explaining or understanding the extent of what it means, or distinguishing between the “gaslighting effect” and intentional mental abuse.

Though the subject is an important one that we should keep talking and learning about, it is also a serious accusation we should stop throwing around when other words and phrases will do. The sentiment Tracy tried to convey was that if you treat someone like they’re crazy, they might act like it. That would’ve been a fine takeaway on its own.

[You can stream the “Gaslighting” episode of Ballers on HBO Go or HBO Now]

Lauren Vino (@laurenvino) is a writer and comedian based out of NYC. When she’s not writing or performing, you can find her watching pro wrestling with her dog.