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winter olympics 2018
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Up All Night for Sledge Hockey At The 2018 Winter Paralympics
First of all, let’s just get this out of the way: you’re not defective if you don’t enjoy the Winter Olympics. There’s nothing wrong with you. You’re every bit the American, every bit the human being that you were a week ago. You just don’t seem to get the thrill or the joy out of the Olympics that the rest of us do. That doesn’t make you wrong! Maybe a little bit defective, sure, but not wrong! This is America, and in America, people get to like or not like whatever they want to, even if it means they’re only denying themselves the triumph of the human spirit present in the Winter Games. That’s fine! Everything is fine!
The thing about the Olympics is that it’s a television event that lasts for over two weeks, all on NBC. Which means that all the other networks have to make their decision: do we run away from the Olympics, or do we attempt to offer counter-programming for those who won’t be flocking to figure skating no matter how flawlessly Adam Rippon nails his jump combinations.
Of course, there are eight billion TV options every night, on cable and on streaming, to sift through. So how are you going to figure out which counter-programming option is for you? Allow us to do the sifting.
The Show That's On More Often Than Figure Skating
Show/Movie: Celebrity Big Brother
Network: CBS
When it premieres: It’s already begun; it airs multiple nights over the next two weeks
The idea of an American version of Celebrity Big Brother was an idea that was both long overdue (British and Australian editions have existed and been wildly popular for years) and kind of revolting. The revolting part came when the cast was announced and among the 11 cast members was Omarosa Manigault, the notorious reality TV villain who worked in Donald Trump’s White House right up until she was fired. Supporting Omarosa’s redemption-tour, however obliquely, was not something a lot of Big Brother fans were eager to do. But after the first trio of episodes, it must be said that Celebrity Big Brother is turning into a compelling concentrated dose of the show. With only two weeks and change to run an entire season, competitions and changing alliances happen at a whip’s pace; it is so vastly preferable to the usual Big Brother 3-month journey of interminable downtime and eventual hatred. And, much as we hate to say it, the Omarosa gambit has paid off, making news headlines for the show and its chilling moments of confession.
The Show That's More Cartoonish Than Curling
Show/Movie: Our Cartoon President
Network: Showtime
When it premieres: The first two episodes premiered on Showtime on Sunday night
There has never been a time in recorded history when our U.S. president has been better fodder for a cartoon series, for better or worse (worse). So producer Stephen Colbert’s Our Cartoon President is perfectly poised to capitalize on everything that’s insane about this administration, from Melania to Ivanka and Jared to the three-ring circus of advisors and gaffes and insane patterns of thought. It might not ultimately make you feel better about the American nightmare we’re all living through, but it might squeak a laugh out of you.
The Show That's More Nerve-Wracking Than Skeleton
Show/Movie: Homeland
Network: Showtime
When it premieres: the first episode of Season 7 premiered on Sunday night
The skeleton event, in case you weren’t familiar, is like the luge, except the competitors board the sled face-down and head-first, so when they go careening down those death-spiral ice tubes, they’re essentially human-shaped bullets being shot out of an ice gun. It’s terrifying to watch. Also terrifying to watch will be the new season of Homeland, as Carrie and Saul go from fighting terrorism on foreign soil to investigating the very timely issue of home-grown hate groups and white-supremacist terror cells. Should be a freewheeling good time!
The Show That's a More Welcome Team-Up Than Hockey
Show/Movie: Roseanne
Network: ABC
When it premieres: there’s a primetime special on February 15th, ahead of its March premiere
The revived version of Roseanne isn’t due to hit ABC airwaves until March 27th. But on Thursday, February 15th, we’re getting a special edition of 20/20 featuring the cast talking about the new venture, which ought to give us plenty of insight into what’s coming. Roseanne was one of the signature sitcoms of the 1990s, and its return in 2018 is among the more hotly anticipated shows of the year, if only to see what the notoriously outspoken Roseanne Barr has got planned for her pulls-no-punches character.
The Show With More Emotional Highs Than Ski Jumping
Show/Movie: Parenthood
Network: Hulu
When it premieres: February 15th
The late, lamented NBC family series that served as a weepy precursor to This Is Us is making it to Hulu on the day after Valentine’s Day. So if a whole day’s worth of other dumb couples celebrating their stupid love doesn’t have you a sobbing puddle, make sure to fire up Parenthood and let the Braverman clan get your emotions into a real rumble.
The Show That's Bumpier Than Moguls Skiing
Show/Movie: Mozart in the Jungle
Network: Amazon Prime
When it premieres: February 16th
Remember Mozart in the Jungle?? The one-time Golden Globe champ for Best TV Series: Comedy/Musical? The one where Gael Garcia Bernal is the bad-boy conductor of the New York Symphony, and Lola Kirke is an ingenue oboist, and Malcolm McDowell and Bernadette Peters are the veteran actors with gravitas, and Debra Monk is the mean veteran? That show? It’s back for its fourth season on February 16th, offering fans an opportunity for a mid-Olympics binge. The show is definitely up and down, just like those notoriously bumpy moguls hills. Best to keep your knees together, in both cases.
The Show That's More '90s Than Bobsledding
Show/Movie: Everything Sucks!
Network: Netflix
When it premieres: February 16th
’80s and ’90s nostalgia are essentially the cornerstones of American popular culture these days. That can be fun, but it can also feel like the empty calories of television. One thing we can say is that the only thing more ’90s than the temporary shine the sport of bobsledding got from the 1992 film Cool Runnings — about the famed Jamaican bobsled team — is the upcoming Netflix series Everything Sucks. Set in 1996, the literal sweet spot combining Alanis, Beavis and Butthead, the Cranberries, and all the other deeply personal touchstones that you’d have if you were literally 16 years old that year. You know, for example. Fellow ’90s children, rejoice in this upcoming teen-outcasts series on Netflix about a bunch of AV Club nerds waiting for a video of the dancing baby to slooooowly download on their dial-up connection.
The Movie That Has More Moving Parts Than Biathlon
Show/Movie: Logan Lucky
Network: Amazon Prime Video
When it premieres: February 16th
Somehow, the Steven Soderbergh comeback project Logan Lucky just slid right under the radar last year, despite being a bona fide super fun time at the movies. Playing out like a southern fried Ocean’s Eleven, this film centers on brothers Channing Tatum and Adam Driver who team up to rob a NASCAR event at Charlotte Motor Speedway, with the help of their sister (Riley Keough) and an incarcerated explosions expert (Daniel Craig). The film is a hoot an a half, to use a technical term, and for a winter’s Friday night, there are few better options available for a chilled-out great time, now that it’s streaming for free on Prime Video.
The Show That Moves Quicker Than The Luge
Show/Movie: The Tick
Network: Amazon Prime
When it premieres: February 23rd
Amazon’s experimental release pattern with The Tick — the candy-colored, off-kilter comedic take on the beloved cult superhero tale — meant that we only got the first six episodes when it premiered last summer. So now, the back half of the season is coming atcha on February 23rd. When last we left our heroes, poor Arthur had just gotten snatched by The Terror, unbeknownst to our big, blue, oblivious Tick. Time to get a rescue on! At only six episodes, it’s the perfect weekend binge.
The Show That's Funnier Than Team Speed Skating
Show/Movie: 2 Dope Queens
Network: HBO
When it premieres: The third special drops on February 16th, while the fourth drops on February 23rd
HBO’s series of four comedy specials featuring podcast superstars Jessica Williams and Phoebe Robinson has been exactly what we needed to get us through ol’ Seasonal Affective February. With two more specials set to air during the Pyeongchang games, they’re the perfect option for counterprogramming the Olympics with some top-shelf comedy.
