Alec Baldwin Ends Exile, Returns To ‘SNL’ With His Stale Trump Impression

He’s baaa-aaaack. Did you miss Alec Baldwin’s Donald Trump? Did you think, the only problem with recent episodes of Saturday Night Live was the absence of this brilliant impression? Well, if you did, you got your wish. Also, re-evaluate your life choices.

No surprises in last night’s cold open, even if it contained several “surprise” appearances. Baldwin’s Trump is in Argentina, just like the real thing. Cecily Strong appears as Melania, comforting her husband’s fears by telling him that worse comes to worse, he can always transfer his money to her while she hires a hunk to watch over her. She then goes to think about that imaginary hunk  in the bathtub.

Kate McKinnon appears as Rudy Giuliani, embracing the former mayor’s Nosferatu-like appearance of late by giving him bat wings. Ben Stiller shows up once again as Michael Cohen, answering the phone, “Michael Cohen speaking. I’ll tell you anything you want.” The two exchange pleasantries as Trump suggests putting his son Eric in a fat suit and saying it’s him. Everything Trump says to Cohen seeks comfort, only to be confronted with the illegality of everything they did together.

Beck Bennett then appeared as a shirtless Vladimir Putin, bro-ing out with Fred Armisen as Saudi Arabian Crown Prince Mohammed Bin Salman. Putin and MSB act like frat boy bros with Trump the nerd on the outside, Putin telling him, “I prefer presidents who don’t get indicted.” The sketch ends with Trump and the rest singing a version of “Don’t Cry For Me Argentina” wherein he confesses his guilt.

The sketch plays off many obvious, well-worn points about the president and his ongoing scandals, while adding nothing to the conversation. McKinnon’s Giuliani, for example, plays off the now common juxtaposition of Giuliani and Nosferatu, without delving too deeply into the politics of Giuliani’s defense of the president. It all makes for more shrugs then laughs, as if SNL is getting to the joke weeks past the joke’s freshness date.

First time host Claire Foy, a British actress best known for playing Queen Elizabeth in The Crown and not known at all for comedy, acquitted herself mostly admirably in a monologue that was briefly kept short. She joked about how it was a relief, during the time of Britain’s Brexit mess, to be in a country even more chaotic than her own. She also joked about how she’s a foreigner, but Americans shouldn’t panic since she’s only taking the jobs that Americans don’t want – like playing Ryan Gosling’s wife in First Man. She then told a story about the time she met the real Queen that had absolutely no pay off, but hey, they can’t all be winners. Like I said, they kept this short.

A commercial parody took a swipe at Netflix for having way too much content, leading to a phenomenon we’re all familiar with by now, the endless scroll, where you search their all-too-plentiful catalog for something to watch for so long that you run out of time to watch anything. Netflix’s goal, according to this ad, is to own all the content in the world, even if it means having only 12 movies you’d actually want to watch. They have so much content they’re plagiarizing themselves, including sending Foy back to high school as Queen Elizabeth in Saved by the Crown.

McKinnon and Alex Moffat brought back the Morning Joe team of Mika Brzezinski and Joe Scarborough, who married last week, and spent the segment mostly ignoring the news and their guests, including Foy as BBC’s Katty Kay, Kenan Thompson as Rep. Elijah Cummings, who married the couple, and Mikey Day as Willie Geist. The exception was Melissa Villasenor portraying Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, talking about how the challenges of Congress will be a breeze since, as a millennial, the job situation is so dire she’s still working for Task Rabbit, and, “I worked as a bartender in a Mexican restaurant like 11 minutes ago.This job is a frickin’ breeze.” Otherwise, this sketch was a look at the anchors’ uncomfortable level of on-screen flirting, the pair talking with their lips almost touching while Geist looks like he wants to escape. The revelation that their safe word is “partisan politics” was by far the funniest moment of the sketch. As for Foy as Kay, she tries to reveal new information about the president, but Scarborough isn’t listening, leading Kay to reveal that Trump is a “gay Mexican werewolf.”

The War in Words is a PBS look at World War I on its 100th anniversary. Foy is the wife of a WWI soldier, reading, and answering, her husband’s letters from the front. Only thing is, after her husband, Day, pours his heart out, giving every detail of the awful battles around him, Foy can only send two-word replies like, “Sounds dreadful. Love, Margaret,” and, “Will do. Love, Margaret.” Asked to send a photo, she first sends one of herself as a child, with the sly suggestion that he “enjoy it,” a suggestion that appalls him. She follows this by sending a photo of herself with another man, played by Thompson, who, it turns out, has made his way into their lives following several shocking revelations about Margaret. A funny, escalating conceit well played by all, this was a unique take on gauzy PBS nostalgia, and the funniest sketch of the episode.

Dad Christmas finds Strong as the mother of children Foy and Pete Davidson, the first Christmas after her divorce. Almost structured as a commercial parody, the sketch plays on the awkwardness of a recently divorced man trying to make Christmas for his kids – he gets them on December 26 – but failing to reach far beyond the stereotypical divorced dad life. With Day as the dad living in a sad apartment, highlights (lowlights?) of Dad Christmas include the ceremonial lighting of an inside cigarette, and a lady who wants to be called by her first name. Also – dad’s a massive Jimmy Buffett fan now. A funny look at an awkward aspect of divorce.

At the Update desk, Colin Jost mocked the president’s description of his dealing with Moscow during the 2016 campaign as “very legal and very cool” by comparing it to “a Craig’s List ad for Russian prostitutes.” Michael Che, noting how everyone in the president’s circle winds up leaving and betraying him, said that he “picks counsel like my cousin Tasha picks baby fathers.” Che also talked about Trump’s defense of border agents firing pepper spray at migrants – which Che said gave them “a fun preview of what it’s like to be a minority in America” – where he noted that they used “safe tear gas.” “Wait, there’s been safe tear gas this whole time?” Che asked. “Boy, black people are gonna be upset when they find out about this.”

Leslie Jones came to the desk to announce that at 51 years old, she’s retiring from sex. Her signature sex move involved her knees, but her knees aren’t what they used to be. “That move was so good the Kama Sutra called me and said, ‘Bitch, you nasty. Can you send me a drawing?'” At this point, men still want her to have threesomes, but to her, a threesome better extend to chores. “That other bitch is gonna wash some dishes, she gonna clean the house, babysit the kids, now that’s a threesome.” Of course, by the end, Jost pays her some compliments and tells her that women’s sexual peak occurs at 54. Surprise – she’s back in the game.

Bennett premiered a new character at the desk as Jules, a free-thinking economist there to talk about the economy. While other kids were watching cartoons, Jules said, he was making hats, so he sees the world a bit differently than most. Instead of driving cars like the rest of us, he prefers to “lay belly down on a long board and use my arms the way a dolphin uses its fins. Sure, it takes longer, and yes, I’ve been hit by a couple of cars, but the thing about getting hit by a car is that for just a moment, I get to fly.” Surprise – Jules has nothing smart to say about the economy. Still, this dreamy, clueless, relentlessly optimistic character has potential. And this bit of dialogue, said like a man who believes he knows the secrets of the universe, had me laughing out loud. “I just see people going to work like, rah, rah, rah, I need money to put a roof over my head. But if you have a roof over your head, how are you going to see the stars?” I’d love to see more of this character, maybe even off the Update desk and in an actual sketch.

A showing of Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory on AMC features Foy as Charlie, returning home from work to greet his mother and his bedridden grandparents. Only problem is, one set of grandparents take advantage of their bedridden status, and get it on in front of everybody. This is the one joke of the sketch, and while amusing for a moment, it’s a joke that has virtually no real relation to its source material and is also basically the same joke employed for the Morning Joe sketch – a couple gets too amorous as those around them awkwardly try to figure out how to handle it. McKinnon, as the mother, broke pretty quickly, and this petered out just as fast, leaving the viewer with nothing. Lazy sketches are nothing new to SNL, but my lord, how did this make it past the Tuesday writers meeting? Sketches like this make it seem like they’re not even trying anymore.

Thompson and Foy, in a southern accent, play HSN anchors, welcoming Strong as a new vendor who is star struck in their presence. She creates miniature figurines meticulously by hand, painstakingly working for hours on end with a magnifying glass, but in her excitement at being on TV, she left them all in the Uber on the way to the studio. What follows is Strong in a symphony of self-flagellation, berating herself for telling the Uber driver her case was worth over $100,000. Her misery is compounded by Bryant as her hectoring wheelchair-bound mom, rolling onto the set to call her a loser and to show the home audience how Strong got so self-defeating in the first place. Strong and Bryant chew some fun scenery here as Bryant elevates petty to an art form.

Foy breaks out an admirable Staten Island accent for the Staten Island Cable show, Good Morning Goomah, featuring her and McKinnon as hosts of a show for the women who suffer through the holidays knowing their boyfriends are with their wives instead of with them. Sure, it’s depressing, but you know in your heart he loves you just as much because, they say in unison, “you do things his wife would never do.” Aidy Bryant is their guest as a fellow goomah, carrying a poodle and dressed in an pantsuit so garish it’ll make your eyes bleed. They ask what happened to her boyfriend’s former goomah. “You didn’t hear it from me,” Bryant says, “but she called the house.” With an appearance by Davidson at the end as a character right out of The Sopranos, this hit some funny notes.

The female cast members came out to give us a taste of their singing talent, as well as their wishes for the holidays. The subject of their take on “All I Want For Christmas Is You” is Robert Mueller, and their Christmas wish – indictments. Can’t get one against Trump? One against his son will do, they sing, hoping against hope that Mueller will return the US to the country of old. Good luck with that. (No link available online)

SNL returns next week with host Jason Momoa and musical guests Mumford & Sons.

Larry Getlen is the author of the book Conversations with Carlin. Follow him on Twitter at @larrygetlen.

Watch Saturday Night Live with host Claire Foy on Hulu