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Television is like any other art form: groupthink just happens. It happened after 2016 when every sci-fi drama and family sitcom became an allegory for the U.S. election. It happened in 2017 when every network wanted to make historical figures into hunks for no conceivable reason. And it’s happening again. Except this time TV seems to be really into polar bears.
This isn’t a joke or even a euphemism for a weird sex thing. Polar bears — an animal that rarely comes up in daily conversation, let alone on television — have been everywhere lately. The latest example appears in the third episode of Big Little Lies. Renata (Laura Dern) is once again enraged at her daughter’s principal. This time it’s for teaching Amabella about climate change and making her anxious. Principal Nippal (P.J. Byrne) ignores the irate Renata as he always does, which inspires Renata to deliver this rant:
“I will be rich again. I will rise up! I will buy a fucking polar bear for every kid in this school. And then, I’ll squish you like the bug that you are.”
But as excellent as Dern’s rant is that’s not even the most famous polar bear line of the year. The world’s most adorable killer/Coca-Cola enthusiast made an appearance in the Season 5 Black Mirror episode, “Striking Vipers.”
“Striking Vipers” follows two friends (Anthony Mackie and Yahya Abdul Mateen II) who used to bond while playing a fighting video game. Though they could choose from a variety of characters to play as (including an armor-wearing polar bear), the best friends always stuck to the same two human fighters. Once an immersive VR version of their favorite game is released, they decide to play it again and explore every boundary possible. That means virtual hookups galore.
The VR love story progresses like a typical affair saga. Mackie’s Danny wants to end his side fling so he can better focus on his family, but Mateen’s Karl is all but addicted to his new romantic partner. That’s when the Aquaman star drops this mic: “I fucked a polar bear, and I still couldn’t get you out of my mind.”
That’s right. Black Mirror hasn’t just featured a man having sex with a pig. It’s also featured a man screwing a virtual polar bear. And who said romance was dead?
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Even the big bad in one of the most critically praised miniseries in recent history had a polar bear connection. All season long the stranded crews of the HMS Erebus and HMS Terror had been hunted by a mysterious creature called the Tunnbaq. In Episode Five, The Terror finally revealed what this terrifying monster was: a polar bear with a human face and hands. Yes, that is horrifying. But more importantly? Polar bear.
So what does all this mean? Who knows. Maybe we’re so close to the world ending from global warming that Hollywood’s elite have bears on the brain. Maybe there’s a powerful polar bear lobby that got some extra funding and decided to invest in some creative marketing. Maybe Charlie Brooker secretly writes for Big Little Lies and The Terror. Between “The National Anthem,” “The Waldo Moment,” and now “Striking Vipers,” he’s proven he likes to make weird television with animals.
Whatever’s going on, we’re on board. Laura Dern can give us a fucking polar bear any time she wants — just maybe one with polar bear hands and a polar bear face.
