Allison Janney Will Always Be the Fast-Talking Mom from ‘Miracle on 34th St.’

Allison Janney has turned out a lot of legendary performances over the past 30 years. There’s her iconic role on The West Wing, which earned her four Emmys. Proving she obviously has the range, she’s also won two Emmys for her current work on the CBS sitcom Mom. And because you can’t limit this talent to the small screen, there’s her Golden Globe and Oscar-winning role in I, Tonya. I can keep going: Masters of Sex, Juno, The Help, Hairspray, and—of course—the remake of Miracle on 34th Street.

What, you don’t recall Allison Janney stealing scenes in the 1994’s luxe Christmas classic? I’m shocked, because no matter how many awards she adds to her crowded mantle, Allison Janney will always be the fast-talking mom from Miracle on 34th Street to me.

Every single year I am shocked to see the inevitable “Did you know Allison Janney was in Miracle on 34th Street?!” tweets pop up in my timeline, as if there are people who don’t hear the name “Allison Janney” and immediately hear the line “and they’re ninety bucks without batteries or barf” in their head. But apparently that’s the case! Apparently there are people out there who don’t know about Allison Janney’s career defining turn as, according to IMDb, Woman in Christmas Shop.

Yeah, her character doesn’t even have a name! She’s only on screen for 60 seconds! It speaks to Janney’s raw power that this one minute of film so dazzled my 10-year-old brain in the movie theater in 1994 that for the next 26 years, I’ve seen Allison Janney and thought, “Hey, it’s the woman who absolutely bulldozed that inexplicably British department store manager in Miracle on 34th Street.” I’m just saying, if Hermione Baddeley could be nominated for an Oscar for 139 seconds of screen time in 1959’s Room at the Top (I had to look that fact up), then Janney absolutely should’ve been nominated for these 60 seconds.

And what a 60 seconds! Miracle on 34th Street is a phenomenal remake, and I could argue that it earned its place in the Christmas canon the instant Janney’s brassy New York accent blurted out “You tha boss?” This one minute of the movie is essentially the whole movie. They gave Janney a pivotal role as the no-nonsense mom who tells the department store that their Santa is sending shoppers elsewhere if Cole’s is out of stock or charging too much.

Janney takes this role and tears into it, like she’s a dame straight out of The Maltese Falcon. The way she delivers the line “You tell your Santa Claus that he made a Cole’s shopper out of me,” the way she draws out “Cooole’s” before speeding through “shopperouttame” is just perfection. Allison Janney gave us her bold choices for Christmas. And then she delivers this absolute gem of a line: “I’m coming here for everything but toilet paper and bananas.” It’s a line that is 100% ridiculous, but Janney undergirds it with conviction. You believe that yes, this mom is absolutely going to go to a department store to buy everything from cilantro to bed linens.

Then she leaves the movie—but not my brain—with this: “Any store that puts the parent ahead of the almighty buck at Christmas deserves my business, and you can tell Mr. Cole that his Santa Claus oughta get a raise.” The line is punctuated by a declarative thwack of her leather gloves against the manager’s chest. And she’s gone! What a literal moment.

Go ahead and rewatch Miracle on 34th Street, the 1994 one. It’s great, and now it’s certified fresh on Rotten Tomatoes because of my review last year. It’s top-to-bottom one of the best Christmas movies ever made, thanks in no small part to Allison Janney’s take-no-prisoners performance. For me, and I’m betting a lot of other millennial gays out there, this isn’t just a before-she-was-famous cameo for Janney. It is, instead, Allison Janney’s why-she-is-famous role.

Where to watch Miracle on 34th Street