‘Hard Knocks: Training Camp with the Detroit Lions’ Episode 5 Recap: Some Tough Goodbyes, Persistent Hope and a Cameo By Eminem

Detroit Lions head coach Dan Campbell pauses. Pauses again. Pauses on top of the other two pauses. Tugs on his goatee. Blinks. Blinks again. Blink blink blink blink. We contemplate his blue eyes, graying temples, neck like a redwood trunk. We hop in the car, run to pick up the pizza, no not at that place, the other place, it’s a little farther away but their crust is better, crap, gotta get gas, pull over, hey run in and grab a half-gallon of milk while we’re here would you. And we finally get back and Campbell is still blinking.

Hey, it was a tough one. Hard Knocks: Training Camp with the Detroit Lions producers asked him to complete the sentence: The 2022 Detroit Lions will ___. He breaks the silence. “There’s a number of ways I could go with that,” he says. Pauses again, briefer this time. “The 2022 Detroit Lions will be the team that can. And will.”

Not bad. Curt. Inspirational. Broad. Vague. No guarantee of a playoff berth – so, smart. He could’ve said something more stereotypically Campbellesque like “kick yer ass, man” or “eat your beef for lunch” or “run your hose up a flagpole and say goodbye as it goes into outer space.” But no. Can. And will. And that’s where this season of Hard Knocks ends.

I like it – a little steely determination goes a long way for us Lions diehards. Gives us hope as we wiggle around in our straitjackets, itchy for the regular-season opener against the Philadelphia Eagles. But a lot happened prior to coach’s declaration. Remember last week, which CLIFFHANG’D us with the promise of inevitable roster cuts? Anticlimactic roster cuts that media outlets reported the afternoon before the fourth episode of Hard Knocks even aired? We needed a machete to cut through the suspense – not to learn the fates of the players on the bubble, but to see if Campbell would cry. It’s been established that he’s a bit of a cryer. Heck, we LIKE that about the guy.

But first, a title card: FIVE WEEKS AGO. Argh! Narrator Liev Schreiber says something but I didn’t hear because I was too busy saying argh! Another run-through our principal characters: Malcolm “Rodrigo” Rodriguez, the little bowling ball that could. Chase Lucas, the seventh-round pick and defensive back who didn’t get much screen time before but gets plenty in this episode. Craig Reynolds, the running back who Hard Knocks insists is on the cusp but in truth is a rock-solid no. 3 on the depth chart. David Blough, the quarterback who bellowed “FUDGE!” on mic after erring during a preseason game. Lovable smileyfaced juggler Kalil Pimpleton. Softspoken Nigerian-born man-mountain Obinna Eze.

We get a montage in which Campbell and general manager Brad Holmes repeat many of the same phrases as they slash the roster from 80 to a lean, lean 53 – we hate this, you did everything right, we had to make a tough decision, you still have a future in this league. Stuff like that. They hug every dude before sending them out the door. And you swear some of the players are actually making Campbell feel better, possibly because they know his voice could crack at any moment. You know, here come the waterworks.

But Campbell doesn’t cry. Not once. Even as he stands on the sidelines during practice, lamenting the two toughest days of every training camp. He hugs player engagement director Jessica Gray. “If it doesn’t hurt, it’s time to get out of this business,” he says.

If Pimpleton is hurting, he doesn’t show it. He’s all smiles, even when he gets cut, and afterwards in his room as he chats with friends and family on the phone. He’s blessed, he says. Grateful for the opportunity. “I grew through it all,” he proudly proclaims. He lands on his feet, sort of: A tryout with the New York Giants, during which he drops a pass right off the bat, and then another – but snags the rest. He signs to their practice squad, which is no guarantee of anything, really. But his dream is still afloat. How many bottom-rung wide receivers on NFL teams get a second chance like this? Not many. But not all of them are stars on Hard Knocks.

Reynolds makes the team of course, but his brother, facetime chatting from prison, tells him not to let up. Eze has a good meeting with Campbell and Holmes – they cut him, but tell him he’s a lock for the practice squad. Lucas doesn’t get pulled into the room with the heavy, heavy air in it; the coaches love him; he still half-jokes about dropping what would’ve been the game-winning interception in the preseason opener, but maintains his confidence: “I have a feeling I’m about to be great, bro,” he says.

Further developments:

• Mr. Blough: He hung around for a day after cuts were made – then was edged out after the Lions signed Nate Sudfeld, freshly released by the 49ers, to be the backup quarterback. But Blough plowed forward, landing with the Minnesota Vikings, the Lions’ division rival. Campbell hated to see that happen: “That’s the absolute worst,” he moans.
• Rodrigo: Look out, world – like a true shitkicker, our boy just bought himself a new cowboy hat, some cowboy boots and a pair of Wranglers. He looks like he could tackle all the bulls in Pamplona. Lions president Ron Wood tells Campbell that Rodrigo’s no. 44 is the team’s second-most requested jersey by fans. I think I kinda called that one a couple weeks ago.
• Eminem: Detroit’s premier rap star shows up at Lions practice to hang out. He gets a tour. He makes some quips. Jared Goff is starstruck. Is he here to inspire his hometown team? Uh, sort of. Is he actually here for a glorified commercial for his restaurant? Yep.

And after all is said and done, coaches Aaron Glenn – wearing a shirt that says “SALTY” across the chest, which we all want to buy now – and Duce Staley are still jawing at each other on the practice field. Their shit-talking will never stop, even after Hard Knocks packs up and goes home. Maybe the Glenn-Staley show should spin off into the regular season. Or maybe it’s time to get past the reality TV and to the real games, so we can see if the Lions can. And will?

John Serba is a freelance writer and film critic based in Grand Rapids, Michigan. Read more of his work at johnserbaatlarge.com.