Stream It Or Skip It: ‘V/H/S/99’ on Shudder, a Less-Scary-More-Funny Outing for the Horror-Shorts Anthology Series

The popularity of V/H/S/94’s 2021 release as a Shudder exclusive prompted the streamer to keep on rollin’ – thus, the latest entry in the horror anthology franchise, V/H/S/99. As the title implies, the film’s five freaky and/or funny shorts are all set at or around the turn of the millennium, so beware of extra-baggy pants, TV/VHS combo units, Limp Bizkit references (but no needle drops – too expensive!) and terrifying depictions of, GASP, the early days of the internet. Notable directors this time around are Johannes Roberts – of 47 Meters Down and Resident Evil: Welcome to Raccoon City fame – and DJ, music producer and rapper Flying Lotus, making his filmmaking debut. Any shorts anthology is inevitably a hit-and-miss endeavor, but will this one be more hit than miss?

V/H/S/99: STREAM IT OR SKIP IT?

The Gist: For the first time, the V/H/S series has ditched its clunky wraparound narrative – and replaced it with amusingly pointless clips of stop-motion-animated toy army men. Not scary! But sort of funny? First short: Maggie Levin’s Shredding, in which the four members of pop-punk band RACK set aside camcordering themselves doing skate tricks and Jackass-style pranks to pay homage to Bitch Cat, the alt-pop all-girl band that was all that and a bag of chips – all that and a bag of chips until they DIED via TRAMPLING after the venue they were playing CAUGHT FIRE. The RACKers decide to film themselves playing that very same scorched stage, but do you know what happens? They get more than they bargained for, that’s what.

Next is Roberts’ Suicide Bid, about a desperate college freshman pledging for a fraternity that hazes its pledges by burying them in a coffin overnight with a little box that the pledge is told to open when she gets the most scared. Of course, the box is full of spiders. That’s not a spoiler, because there’s so much more to this short, which might involve those sorority rhymes-with-ditches getting more than they bargained for.

Short No. 3: Flying Lotus’ Ozzy’s Dungeon, a parody of sloppy old Nickelodeon kiddie game shows. This degrading and gross show is hosted by a greasy sleazo played by Steven Ogg, who’s the only cast member in this anthology you might recognize from other roles, in this case, as Simon on The Walking Dead. After a girl is horrifically injured on the show and treated like crap by the host, her family kidnaps the guy and gives him, yes, more than he bargained for.

Now, the fourth: The Gawkers, by Tyler MacIntyre. Our protags here, one of whom is dubbed Boner, are three horny horny horny teenage boys who like to spy on their nubile lady neighbor as she sunbathes and washes her Mustang convertible. They think it’s weird that she has strange-looking statues in her yard but you don’t think too much about that when your hormones are raging like a wild boar shot up with steroids. They can’t believe their luck when one of their younger dork brothers gets an opportunity to install a webcam in her house and they get him to load up some spyware so they can hopefully watch her undress, but guess what happens? They get more than they bargained for, of course!

Finally, Vanessa and Joseph Winter’s To Hell and Back, in which two videographers are hired to shoot an occult ritual summoning, and get – what do they get exactly? That’s right: more than they bargained for, baby. The spell zaps them all the way to Hell, where they befriend a Gollumy gal dubbed Mabel the Skullbiter to help them hopefully find a way out of there. Don’t you HATE IT when that happens? It’s so inconvenient, and the cell service in Hell really sucks.

What Movies Will It Remind You Of?: I got a whiff of some vibes from The Return of the Living Dead, and from all of the buried-alive scenes in Buried, Kill Bill, and that one episode of Alfred Hitchcock Presents.

Performance Worth Watching: Sonya Eddy delivers inspires some big laughs with a few ripping one-liners in Ozzy’s Dungeon.

Memorable Dialogue: Eddy: “Well, it sure ain’t bean dip!”

Sex and Skin: Brief female toplessness, otherwise, TBSTY2KBTF: Too Busy Stocking The Y2K Bunker To F—.

Our Take: Let’s break down V/H/S/99, which delivers way more laughs than scares:

• Shredding: Comical send-up of late ’90s musical trends. Three-quarters of RACK (spot-on stupid band name, an acronym of band members’ initials) are j-holes effing with their uptight drummer, and who don’t know the line between being funny and disrespectful. Their desserts are just and ironic, and the punchline works, even if it doesn’t make much sense. Rating: 7/10 LAUGHING SKULLS.
• Suicide Bid: Effectively plays on phobias, especially arachno- and claustro-. Serves up more irony-soaked just desserts for j-holes. Unsurprisingly features the best direction of the five, even though the guy directed the very junky Welcome to Raccoon City. Another nonsensical dramatic punchline, but again, amusing nonetheless. Rating: 7/10 LAUGHING SKULLS.
• Ozzy’s Dungeon: So gross: One of the game show’s obstacle courses is Ozzy’s Orifices, and it only gets yuckier from there. Good thing it delivers some good, solid yuks, or we might tune out. More j-holes, more just desserts, another funny left-field random-ass ending, all recurring themes of this V/H/S outing. Rating: 6/10 LAUGHING SKULLS.
• The Gawkers: Absolutely spot-on depiction of bored, perma-aroused suburban teenage boys, especially the one with the goggle-sunglasses atop his spike-haired head listing his favorite bands, Limp Bizkit, Creed, Hole and Korn. Projects the punchline a little, but it’s still a good one. Cheesy CG effects, not as fun as the practical ooey-goo of the other shorts. Good riff on the feminist-revenge story. J-holes! Just desserts! Rating: 8/10 LAUGHING SKULLS.
• To Hell and Back: Where the hell did they shoot this? The Badlands? A cave system? Hell is a nifty set piece here. Mabel the Skullbiter is quite the scene thief. I like her. Maybe I’ll start following her Instagram. Terrific bit in which the cinematographer crawls through a cobwebby mucus-maggot tunnel. Worst ending of the bunch, though. Rating: 7/10 LAUGHING SKULLS.

SUMMARY: A strong, pretty consistent antho. No home runs, but no outright duds either. Scads of retro fun. Found footage horror is back, and surprisingly watchable! Next year: bust out yer white Reeboks for V/H/S/85, with heavy-hitters Scott Derrickson and David Bruckner leading the way.

Our Call: STREAM IT. At the risk of sounding like a Shudder shill, the streamer is the perfect home for V/H/S/99 and its sister flicks. It makes hit-and-miss outings like this less of an investment of time and effort.

John Serba is a freelance writer and film critic based in Grand Rapids, Michigan. Read more of his work at johnserbaatlarge.com.