Stream It Or Skip It: ‘Silent Night, Fatal Night’ on Lifetime Movies Network, Where A Kidnapped Mystery Author is Forced to Write for Her Life

Lifetime Movies Network is stretching the definition of what it means to be a Christmas movie when it comes to Silent Night, Fatal Night. This mystery thriller stars Alex Camacho and Matthew Pohlkamp as longtime coworkers and collaborators turned enemies after a sudden betrayal that will change their lives forever. It’s a wild ride, but does that mean it’s worth watching? Keep on reading to find out!

SILENT NIGHT, FATAL NIGHT: STREAM IT OR SKIP IT?

The Gist: Mallory Dearborn (Alex Camacho) is a world-famous mystery writer, mostly due to her wildly successful ongoing “Gideon Snow” book series. But when promoting her most recent “Gideon Snow” release, Mallory tells her agent, Michael Harrington (Matthew Pohlkamp), that this will be her last of the series so she can focus on writing a new book that has meaning to her and will excite her supporters, including superfan and aspiring mystery writer, Carrie Addison (Hailey Rutledge).

Michael, however, is unwilling to help Mallory pursue a new passion project. In fact, he does the opposite, going over her head to agree to a new “Gideon Snow” novel and accept (…and singlehandedly spend) an advance on Mallory’s behalf, all without telling her. Then he manipulates Mallory into going to his family’s remote old cabin in the woods upstate for the holidays to relax and recharge away from the public eye, especially since she has nowhere else to be now that her parents are dead and gone.

But shortly after arriving at the beautiful old property, Mallory’s getaway turns into something sinister when Michael straps a house arrest ankle bracelet to her and holds her captive, using force and intimidation to make Mallory finish a new “Gideon Snow” book. To make matters even worse, the world thinks that Mallory is dead, ensuring that this “coincidentally discovered manuscript” will make a fortune when published posthumously. Now Mallory must fight, and write, for her life, all while Carrie makes her own inquiries to get to the bottom of her favorite author’s untimely and suspicious death.

What Movies Will It Remind You Of?: More than anything else, Silent Night, Fatal Night will probably evoke certain aspects of the 1990 psychological thriller film Misery.

Performance Worth Watching: Butter, for being this movie’s unsung hero in both delicious sandwiches and helping Mallory escape from her handcuffs and an ankle bracelet. I truly appreciate butter and its many uses more than I ever have before.

Special shoutout as well to Alex Camacho’s hair, which somehow managed to look incredible even while her character was fighting for her life in captivity.

Memorable Dialogue: “You seem so down since your parents died.” Wow, Michael is such an empath. A very astute guy, indeed.

A Holiday Tradition: Uh, none, unless Michael makes a habit of imprisoning writers until they churn out a “posthumous” novel during the holiday season a yearly endeavor.

Does the Title Make Any Sense?: Not really, since this basically has nothing to do with Christmas except that it vaguely takes place around the holidays. Also I’m pretty sure the one fatality in this movie doesn’t even happen at night. What a misnomer!

Our Take: First, it must be said that Silent Night, Fatal Night is not a Christmas movie, it’s just a thriller that happens to take place during the holidays. And to address the “thriller” of it all, I’m generally easily scared and usually avoid movies in this genre and horror, but this movie is so ridiculous and unintentionally goofy that it’s less thrilling than funny and weird. Michael in particular is so overdramatic that he ends up being pretty amusing. I mean, at one point he says, “You want to play the victim?” to his literal kidnapping victim. The guy has zero self-awareness! Not to mention that he’s also kind of an unhinged creep (I so wish I could unhear him saying “Good girl” to Mallory, dear Lord).

Additionally, Silent Night, Fatal Night is absolutely full of plot holes and strange narrative choices. How are news outlets reporting a very well-known figure’s death when there’s no body? And fans of mystery novels seriously aren’t going to question that this healthy-looking 30-something suddenly dies of “natural causes”?! Doesn’t Mallory have any living family or friends that would look into her case? And that’s not even getting into all of the many times where it seemed like Mallory could have easily escaped (she wasted a stick of butter for nothing) or the multiple moronic oversights that Michael made throughout his own nefarious machinations.

If you’re going to jump the gun and become a dastardly criminal just to make your author pen another novel (seriously, talk about taking drastic measures), at least don’t tell the local sheriff that your famous client is currently writing a new book. He also shut off all the house’s WiFi but somehow left his local hotspot on and without any password to protect it, which Mallory discovers and doesn’t even take advantage of. Maybe these two dinguses deserve each other after all (but just to clarify, this is not a romance, thankfully).

Our Call: Despite its title, Silent Night, Fatal Night isn’t about Christmas at all, and even besides that, it certainly is no gift. SKIP IT.