Empire: Gabourey Sidibe blogs the latest episode

Empire has officially returned for season 2, and Gabourey Sidibe – a.k.a. the ever outspoken Becky – will be recapping all of the drama week to week for EW. Read on for actress’ inaugural entry as she recaps the season premiere, “The Devils Are Here.” Like what you see? Send feedback to us at @EW and to Gabourey at @GabbySidibe.

Did you see Empire? Clyde told me you missed it. He told me you might need to know what happened. I got you.

So Hakeem, Andre and Cookie are all walking out of Empire with their stuff in boxes. This is the “Fired Walk Out” that Cookie has taken a ton of times. Andre and Hakeem are distressed, but Cookie is tired of it and wants the three of them to open their own company. So she finds an office that’s basically a crap box but Cookie, The Visionary sees potential! Andre and Hakeem are basically like, “Ummmm I guess.” P.S., Hakeem is working that body out pretty hardcore, and for some reason, he’s trying to get Anika to join their new company!

Really homie?! You want Cookie and BooBooKitty in the same office?! And he’s lying to Anika, telling her that Cookie wants her there! He’s taking the Parent Trap approach to getting them together! Adorable AND terrible! Also, Hakeem wants develop his own artist! More terrible?

Let’s see! So Lucious is still in jail! Why? Because you weren’t praying hard enough. Not that it’s your fault but… it is. For some reason, he can’t get his medicine! Oh no! I almost forgot that he’s sick! Anyway, he’s making friends in the joint. Some dude named Big Country (I’m hoping for an origin story for this prison name), some other dudes, and Clyde. Obviously. Lucious and his new BFFs decide to freestyle away their troubles when Lucious loses his breath and can’t stop coughing. A guard comes over and basically starts hating. He’s mad he can’t rap. (The guard is played by actual superstar rapper Ludacris, but suspend your knowledge of that and just KNOW that this guard is a hater who can’t rap.) But it turns out that he’s working for Roxanne Ford, the DA that’s trying to send Lucious to prison! And, oh no! She’s the one keeping Lucious from getting his meds! Oh no!

Meanwhile, Jamal is having an interview/private concert in his amazing penthouse. Michael is there cooking and loving that he and Jamal are back together, while Jamal is dodging questions about female fans wanting to bone him and what’s going on with Lucious’s trial.

AWKWARD. Of course Cookie barges in to ask Jamal to give Hakeem back his album so that they can release it through their new company. Jamal is not in a giving mood. Probably has something to do with those two slaps across the face in the last episode. Clearly that cheek is still ringing. Instead of saying “yes”, Jamal goes to Hakeem and offers him his album back if he comes back to Empire. Hakeem wants Cookie and Andre to come too but Jamal’s like, “Nah.” Hakeem takes a nice bath with a Latina to consider this very serious decision. Rhonda has a private meeting with Jamal, asking him to talking to Lucious to get him to let Andre back into Empire. We’ll see!

Back in prison, Lucious meets a new lawyer in a super pretty suit named Thirsty. No really. His name is Thirsty. Thirsty really wants to be Lucious’s new lawyer! He woos him with the fancy drugs that he needs to live AND a makeshift studio in prison so that he can record his new song, “Snitch Bitch.” How’d Thirsty get a studio with autotune into prison? He’s got friends there! It’s all good!

Back at the Crap Box, Hakeem is holding auditions. He’s looking for a girl group. He wants a black girl, a white girl and a Latina girl. He wants to call them “Rainbow Sensation.” Oh! Now I get it. TERRIBLE! Cookie and Anika are going at it, Hakeem’s leaking his album to spite Jamal and Empire, the hall lights are blinking and Andre can’t take it!! This is not what Andre signed up for! He needs out. He begs Cookie to let him go. Tearfully, she does. Andre pretty much goes straight to prison to see Lucious and beg for his position at Empire back. Lucious says no. Andre wants to know why Lucious hates him so much. Lucious has a flashback of being a little boy in his mother’s arms. She sings to him and then she’s gets crazy eyes. Perhaps she had a flashback of her own? Flashback within a flashback?! Trippy. We still don’t entirely know what that was about but Lucious walks away from his son like a bad ass though. Poor Andre.

Meanwhile, Becky is back at the Empire offices screaming, “Hello?!!!” because no one is there. (Okay, this wasn’t actually in the episode but I assume that’s what’s going on.) Lucious is having a bail hearing. Finally! Super Lawyer Thirsty arrives a tad late but right on time to present the judge with evidence of the judge all tied up with a ball gag in his mouth. And I think I saw nipple clamps but I can’t be sure. Apparently, this judge is into justice and freaky sex stuff but I’m not here to judge. The judge is here to judge. He lets Lucious out on bail! YASSS! Finally, you’re praying hard enough! Praises be to Thirsty!! SHONDO!