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How to Stay Married: The Most Insane Love Story Ever Told
Goodreads Choice Award
Nominee for Best Humor (2023)From Harrison Scott Key, winner of the Thurber Prize for American Humor, How to Stay Married tells the hilarious, shocking, and spiritually profound story of one man’s journey through hell and back when infidelity threatens his marriage.
One gorgeous autumn day, Harrison discovers that his wife—the sweet, funny, loving mother of their three daughters, a woman “who’s spent just about every Sunday of her life in a church”—is having an affair with a family friend. This revelation propels the hysterical, heartbreaking action of How to Stay Married , casting our narrator onto “the factory floor of hell,” where his wife was now in love with a man who “wears cargo shorts, on purpose.” What will he do? Kick her out? Set fire to all her panties in the yard? Beat this man to death with a gardening implement? Ask God for help in winning her back?
Armed with little but a sense of humor and a hunger for the truth, Harrison embarks on a hellish journey into his past, seeking answers to the riddles of faith and forgiveness. Through an absurd series of escalating confessions and betrayals, Harrison reckons with his failure to love his wife in the ways she needed most, resolves to fight for his family, and in a climax almost too ridiculous to be believed, finally learns that love is no joke. How to Stay Married is a comic romp unlike any in contemporary literature, a wild Pilgrim’s Progress through the hellscape of marriage and the mysteries of mercy.
One gorgeous autumn day, Harrison discovers that his wife—the sweet, funny, loving mother of their three daughters, a woman “who’s spent just about every Sunday of her life in a church”—is having an affair with a family friend. This revelation propels the hysterical, heartbreaking action of How to Stay Married , casting our narrator onto “the factory floor of hell,” where his wife was now in love with a man who “wears cargo shorts, on purpose.” What will he do? Kick her out? Set fire to all her panties in the yard? Beat this man to death with a gardening implement? Ask God for help in winning her back?
Armed with little but a sense of humor and a hunger for the truth, Harrison embarks on a hellish journey into his past, seeking answers to the riddles of faith and forgiveness. Through an absurd series of escalating confessions and betrayals, Harrison reckons with his failure to love his wife in the ways she needed most, resolves to fight for his family, and in a climax almost too ridiculous to be believed, finally learns that love is no joke. How to Stay Married is a comic romp unlike any in contemporary literature, a wild Pilgrim’s Progress through the hellscape of marriage and the mysteries of mercy.
320 pages, Hardcover
First published June 13, 2023
About the author
Harrison Scott Key
5 books529 followersHarrison Scott Key is the winner of the Thurber Prize for American Humor and the author of three nonfiction novels: How to Stay Married: The Most Insane Love Story Ever Told (2023), Congratulations, Who Are You Again? (2018), and The World's Largest Man: A Memoir (2015).
Harrison's humor and nonfiction have appeared in The Best American Travel Writing, Oxford American, Garden & Gun, Outside, The New York Times, Men's Journal, The American Conservative, McSweeney's Internet Tendency, The Mockingbird, Salon, Savannah Magazine, Reader's Digest, Image, Southern Living, Gulf Coast, and Creative Nonfiction, as well as a number of magazines that don't pay you anything at all, not even a little, but it was cool, because people who work at magazines are mostly poor, and helping the poor is a priority for Harrison, should he come under scrutiny.
Harrison has lectured, talked, read, performed, etc., around the world for audiences of 0 to 1,000, depending on how many of his mother's friends live in that city. He has spoken at book festivals, bookstores, conferences, variety shows, radio shows, and universities around the country, as well as retirement communities and at least one religious organization whose members were perfectly courteous up until the end. He has also performed comedy at venues around the U.S., if you include three or four different cities to be "around the U.S."
He lives in Savannah, Georgia, U.S.A.
Harrison's humor and nonfiction have appeared in The Best American Travel Writing, Oxford American, Garden & Gun, Outside, The New York Times, Men's Journal, The American Conservative, McSweeney's Internet Tendency, The Mockingbird, Salon, Savannah Magazine, Reader's Digest, Image, Southern Living, Gulf Coast, and Creative Nonfiction, as well as a number of magazines that don't pay you anything at all, not even a little, but it was cool, because people who work at magazines are mostly poor, and helping the poor is a priority for Harrison, should he come under scrutiny.
Harrison has lectured, talked, read, performed, etc., around the world for audiences of 0 to 1,000, depending on how many of his mother's friends live in that city. He has spoken at book festivals, bookstores, conferences, variety shows, radio shows, and universities around the country, as well as retirement communities and at least one religious organization whose members were perfectly courteous up until the end. He has also performed comedy at venues around the U.S., if you include three or four different cities to be "around the U.S."
He lives in Savannah, Georgia, U.S.A.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 2,559 reviews
June 21, 2023
I have no previous experience with this author, nor was I aware that the book was so heavily influenced by the Christian faith of the couple. I wish I had been because I would have known to avoid it. HSK spends the entire book making it clear how much he hates his wife, and probably all women. He spends a few cursory paragraphs describing his own shortcomings, which include shockingly cruel behavior towards his wife which he insists is part of his special brand of humor. He spends the rest of the book explaining in detail why all of this is her fault, her shame, and how terrible she is.
The wife, Lauren, confesses a long term affair with a neighbor. So that’s bad. We can all agree she deserves heaps of shame and scorn.
This absolute d-bag then proceeds to make it super clear to her that he will do anything he can to ensure she doesn’t have any money, resources, (he moves all their money to a new account only in his name!!!!!!!!) or friends. This is the woman who has committed her life to raising their children.
He makes it clear to her (and to readers of the book) that he will do anything he can to keep her children from her. He shames her in every possible way, including informing her family, his family, their friends, and their church community of seemingly every detail of her infidelity.
So she moves out. She tries to live a more authentic life. She eventually gives in to the torture that her husband, her family and her community are putting her through and goes back to him.
At no point was I able to identify a single resource Lauren has who will help her without that assistance being predicated on going back to her horrible husband. All of his actions are apparently justified.
I cannot fathom why the title is the most insane love story ever told, it’s the most common story on earth. The only thing uncommon about the story is the author’s casual cruelty towards his wife, which as far as I can tell continues to this day.
Lauren, if you are reading this I want you to know you are ok. And the next time you try to escape your marriage, I hope you are able to do it. Girl, you can sleep on my couch.
The wife, Lauren, confesses a long term affair with a neighbor. So that’s bad. We can all agree she deserves heaps of shame and scorn.
This absolute d-bag then proceeds to make it super clear to her that he will do anything he can to ensure she doesn’t have any money, resources, (he moves all their money to a new account only in his name!!!!!!!!) or friends. This is the woman who has committed her life to raising their children.
He makes it clear to her (and to readers of the book) that he will do anything he can to keep her children from her. He shames her in every possible way, including informing her family, his family, their friends, and their church community of seemingly every detail of her infidelity.
So she moves out. She tries to live a more authentic life. She eventually gives in to the torture that her husband, her family and her community are putting her through and goes back to him.
At no point was I able to identify a single resource Lauren has who will help her without that assistance being predicated on going back to her horrible husband. All of his actions are apparently justified.
I cannot fathom why the title is the most insane love story ever told, it’s the most common story on earth. The only thing uncommon about the story is the author’s casual cruelty towards his wife, which as far as I can tell continues to this day.
Lauren, if you are reading this I want you to know you are ok. And the next time you try to escape your marriage, I hope you are able to do it. Girl, you can sleep on my couch.
January 11, 2024
Classic rom-com
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
January 2, 2024
A surprising amount of Taylor Swift.
July 24, 2023
For most of this book, I thought I loved it. That’s because I love it anytime someone tells the truth. And the authors admissions of his wife’s infidelity coupled with confessions of his own deeply selfish behavior felt refreshingly true in a book about marriage. There’s also talks about religion in the way I relate to- Nuanced and mystical and weird and funny. I could see just how Christianity was grounding the author through his tumult. He didn’t want his marriage to end, so he didn’t end it.
Then, the second half of the book happened. His wife cheats again, with the same man. And now there’s less accountability from the author and more wtf which is totally reasonable. But for some reason, he still wants to be married to someone who’s actions keep screaming she doesn’t want him. This is where a thread of self righteousness starts to weave and my eye brow went up. There’s a lot of talk about not messing up children’s lives. Not HIS children’s lives. Just children in general. As if divorce is some sort of absolute mental anguish only selfish parents hand down to their kids. The author doesn’t explain why he takes his wife back a second time. And maybe he doesn’t know, which is fine. Then his wife writes a chapter only singing the praises of her husbands grace.
And the final chapter is something I wish was on the back cover so I would have chosen to never pick the book up. The way he speaks of staying married as if that is the only holy answer was infuriating. He literally says not to listen to anyone who tells you deserve better, and that they are themselves unhealthy. He only ever gives the nod to divorce if you are childless or are facing violence. This is so judgmental. Perhaps he SHOULD have surrounded himself with the people who loved him telling him to leave or who were divorced themselves so he could see it could be done in a weird, loving, and even sometimes healthy way- even if neither spouse is violent or cheating or even as selfish as he was at the start of their marriage.
I wanted to know more about HOW they moved on through such betrayal, but we just got a snapshot that said they went to therapy and don’t talk about the affairs. Okay?
He also calls out the readers who, like myself, were mostly here for the “lurid details.” Duh. That’s how you sold it. But fair enough.
I was so disappointed in the end. I felt judged as a divorced mother. And I felt like the author could have just published the last chapter as a blog post and skipped giving the “lurid details” to his audience.
Then, the second half of the book happened. His wife cheats again, with the same man. And now there’s less accountability from the author and more wtf which is totally reasonable. But for some reason, he still wants to be married to someone who’s actions keep screaming she doesn’t want him. This is where a thread of self righteousness starts to weave and my eye brow went up. There’s a lot of talk about not messing up children’s lives. Not HIS children’s lives. Just children in general. As if divorce is some sort of absolute mental anguish only selfish parents hand down to their kids. The author doesn’t explain why he takes his wife back a second time. And maybe he doesn’t know, which is fine. Then his wife writes a chapter only singing the praises of her husbands grace.
And the final chapter is something I wish was on the back cover so I would have chosen to never pick the book up. The way he speaks of staying married as if that is the only holy answer was infuriating. He literally says not to listen to anyone who tells you deserve better, and that they are themselves unhealthy. He only ever gives the nod to divorce if you are childless or are facing violence. This is so judgmental. Perhaps he SHOULD have surrounded himself with the people who loved him telling him to leave or who were divorced themselves so he could see it could be done in a weird, loving, and even sometimes healthy way- even if neither spouse is violent or cheating or even as selfish as he was at the start of their marriage.
I wanted to know more about HOW they moved on through such betrayal, but we just got a snapshot that said they went to therapy and don’t talk about the affairs. Okay?
He also calls out the readers who, like myself, were mostly here for the “lurid details.” Duh. That’s how you sold it. But fair enough.
I was so disappointed in the end. I felt judged as a divorced mother. And I felt like the author could have just published the last chapter as a blog post and skipped giving the “lurid details” to his audience.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
July 15, 2023
Goodness gracious, this was a wild ride. Poignant hilarity from a master wordsmith; I couldn’t put it down. The story gripped me, moved me, and, yes, convicted me on several fronts.
I’ll give it 4.5 stars, only because it perpetuates some frustrating misconceptions about Christianity. (For example, that church discipline is a form of shaming; in reality, it can be an act of love. See Jonathan Leeman’s terrific work on this topic.) The way Key describes Christian experience, by the way, reminded me of Donald Miller or Francis Spufford. I do wish he’d more clearly pointed to the logic of gospel grace—how Jesus Christ’s radical forgiveness of us is the only thing that can finally enable us to radically forgive others. (On this topic, Tim Keller’s recent book “Forgive” is superb.)
All that said, I was encouraged by Key’s searing vulnerability (credit to his wife here, too!), and by the earthy love of Christ the King Church—how they rallied around a broken family in their darkest moments. Gospel doctrine without gospel culture is ugly. This church seems beautiful.
I’m now eager to read Key’s other books. Count me a fan.
I’ll give it 4.5 stars, only because it perpetuates some frustrating misconceptions about Christianity. (For example, that church discipline is a form of shaming; in reality, it can be an act of love. See Jonathan Leeman’s terrific work on this topic.) The way Key describes Christian experience, by the way, reminded me of Donald Miller or Francis Spufford. I do wish he’d more clearly pointed to the logic of gospel grace—how Jesus Christ’s radical forgiveness of us is the only thing that can finally enable us to radically forgive others. (On this topic, Tim Keller’s recent book “Forgive” is superb.)
All that said, I was encouraged by Key’s searing vulnerability (credit to his wife here, too!), and by the earthy love of Christ the King Church—how they rallied around a broken family in their darkest moments. Gospel doctrine without gospel culture is ugly. This church seems beautiful.
I’m now eager to read Key’s other books. Count me a fan.
February 18, 2024
This is one of the best books I have read in my entire life. That is not hyperbole. I laughed out loud a dozen times. Was moved to tears on three separate occasions, snot streaming down my face. This book is deeply spiritual and deeply human, and Harrison toggles both of those lenses with a balance nothing short of masterful. The only bad thing I have to say about this book is that it made me realize I will *never* be this good of a writer. I’d give it six stars if I could.
June 21, 2023
To sum it up: 🤮. The author certainly has a witty writing voice, and I did appreciate that. However, the author also would like to remind the reader — again and again and AGAIN as nauseam — that he is such an upstanding Christian man that he forgives his cheating wife. Somebody give him the “attaboy” he clearly wants for martyring himself in the name of keeping his fractured marriage together.
January 1, 2024
Every 5-star, praiseworthy quality that I found in Harrison Scott Key’s memoir How to Stay Married had a 1-star, not-so-praiseworthy dark side. Overall, it was a three-star reading experience for me, one that I had to wrestle with. Here’s a little list of the attributes I liked, along with the unpleasant flipsides.
Sense of Humor: Key is a great writer, and he's funny. I laughed aloud often while listening. He’s especially clever with figurative language, and he paces this story really well.
Flipside: Key sometimes “peaked”—a word my childhood family used to designate that painful moment when someone being funny tries to ride the wave of their joke’s hilarity a little too long, thereby wiping out and becoming unfunny. If you were lucky, your “peak” would, itself, become funny and people would start laughing again, allowing you to regain some face. But this didn’t always happen growing up and it didn’t always happen with Key. In addition to some “peaking”, Key's sense of humor veers regularly into irreverent territory for me. I would be laughing one moment and cringing the next, sometimes painfully. I didn't always appreciate the nature of his jokes.
Transparency: For those interested in marriage, especially Christian marriage, this book presents a page-turning opportunity to take an unvarnished look at one particular couple’s very difficult struggles. The author is probably right that Christians don’t find it easy to talk openly, for better or for worse, about the topics raised in this book. It can therefore serve as a cautionary tale for readers, and an opportunity to learn from another couple’s missteps, a moment to pause and think, Am I, in any way, being a jerk to my spouse?
Flipside: At times, I worried that this author was sacrificing his marriage on the altar of his writing career, privileging his reader’s desire to know salacious details over his family’s right to privacy. Maybe it’s good and right that people don’t air their marital struggles to an entire audience of salivating readers. That’s what close friends are for. I can’t see the writing of this book, with its oversharing of so many intimate details, to be a wise and loving move on his part, or in any way in his wife’s best interests. So, every time I found myself deeply engaged, which was often, I also had to ask myself, is this what kindness toward your spouse looks like?
Fighting for Marriage: I appreciate this couple’s countercultural fight to preserve their marriage in an age when people treat divorce like a cheap and easy solution. Assuming they make it work, it’s a great testament to the power of forgiveness and the joy of reconciliation.
Flipside: Throughout the book, including the chapter written by Key’s wife, the two keep taking swipes at each other. It’s painful and uncomfortable to read. I’m all for playful teasing, but these two often come across as just plain mean. Joking that you wish melanoma would spread all over your husband’s bald head so that he might die a slow and painful death? That’s not very funny. (And not just because I’ve had melanoma!) Maybe the humor was lost in translation. Some jokes are meant to stay between man and wife.
The Role of the Church Family: This is where my feelings about How to Stay Married are the most complicated. It’s good to think about how a body of believers ought to respond wisely to issues like marital infidelity when they happen. But (flipside) to be totally honest, there’s a troubling irony to this couple’s attitude toward other Christians. Take, for example, this passage written by Key’s wife, Lauren, which appears toward the end of the book:
“Christians, who claim to be the best in these types of situations” (i.e. infidelity) “are often the worst. Some leaned into me and tried to help, others avoided me like a bomb that was about to explode. It was good gossip for many. A few invited me for lunch on their very high horses so they could 'pray' for me, when really they just wanted to see a real-live whore up close. Lunch? No thanks. I’m good down here in my whore-trough. When I was growing up, my grandmother would often say, ‘I’m sweating like a whore in church!’ As a kid, I assumed this imaginary whore was sweating in church because she knew Jesus was watching her and scowling his disproving scowl. But now I know. The whore is not sweating in church because of Jesus. She’s sweating because of all the Christians” (Chapter 37: A Whore in Church).
There is something to be learned from humbly considering Lauren's reflections here, but I can't help but also think that the Keys’ church family found themselves in a lose-lose situation. Give her space, and you’re avoiding her like a bomb. Reach out, and you’re a high-handed hypocrite sliding into your front row seat. Offer to pray? How dare you, you jerk!
“Because of all the Christians.” Is this fair? Christians can be awkward in awkward situations, just like everyone else. Christians don’t always get it right. This is why we constantly need Paul’s reminder to “put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony" (Colossians 3:12-14). The “bearing with” goes both ways. And the Hester Prynne sympathy card has been played to death.
To be honest, this couple sometimes seemed to demand from their former church family a measure of grace, patience, and mercy which they, themselves, were unwilling to extend. I’m glad they found a new church where everyone is “authentic," but I do worry for people with this kind of attitude that it’s only a matter of time before the new church family doesn’t quite measure up.
So, in a nutshell, there's some good stuff in How to Stay Married and quite a bit that chafed. A complicated read to ring in the New Year! 🥳
Sense of Humor: Key is a great writer, and he's funny. I laughed aloud often while listening. He’s especially clever with figurative language, and he paces this story really well.
Flipside: Key sometimes “peaked”—a word my childhood family used to designate that painful moment when someone being funny tries to ride the wave of their joke’s hilarity a little too long, thereby wiping out and becoming unfunny. If you were lucky, your “peak” would, itself, become funny and people would start laughing again, allowing you to regain some face. But this didn’t always happen growing up and it didn’t always happen with Key. In addition to some “peaking”, Key's sense of humor veers regularly into irreverent territory for me. I would be laughing one moment and cringing the next, sometimes painfully. I didn't always appreciate the nature of his jokes.
Transparency: For those interested in marriage, especially Christian marriage, this book presents a page-turning opportunity to take an unvarnished look at one particular couple’s very difficult struggles. The author is probably right that Christians don’t find it easy to talk openly, for better or for worse, about the topics raised in this book. It can therefore serve as a cautionary tale for readers, and an opportunity to learn from another couple’s missteps, a moment to pause and think, Am I, in any way, being a jerk to my spouse?
Flipside: At times, I worried that this author was sacrificing his marriage on the altar of his writing career, privileging his reader’s desire to know salacious details over his family’s right to privacy. Maybe it’s good and right that people don’t air their marital struggles to an entire audience of salivating readers. That’s what close friends are for. I can’t see the writing of this book, with its oversharing of so many intimate details, to be a wise and loving move on his part, or in any way in his wife’s best interests. So, every time I found myself deeply engaged, which was often, I also had to ask myself, is this what kindness toward your spouse looks like?
Fighting for Marriage: I appreciate this couple’s countercultural fight to preserve their marriage in an age when people treat divorce like a cheap and easy solution. Assuming they make it work, it’s a great testament to the power of forgiveness and the joy of reconciliation.
Flipside: Throughout the book, including the chapter written by Key’s wife, the two keep taking swipes at each other. It’s painful and uncomfortable to read. I’m all for playful teasing, but these two often come across as just plain mean. Joking that you wish melanoma would spread all over your husband’s bald head so that he might die a slow and painful death? That’s not very funny. (And not just because I’ve had melanoma!) Maybe the humor was lost in translation. Some jokes are meant to stay between man and wife.
The Role of the Church Family: This is where my feelings about How to Stay Married are the most complicated. It’s good to think about how a body of believers ought to respond wisely to issues like marital infidelity when they happen. But (flipside) to be totally honest, there’s a troubling irony to this couple’s attitude toward other Christians. Take, for example, this passage written by Key’s wife, Lauren, which appears toward the end of the book:
“Christians, who claim to be the best in these types of situations” (i.e. infidelity) “are often the worst. Some leaned into me and tried to help, others avoided me like a bomb that was about to explode. It was good gossip for many. A few invited me for lunch on their very high horses so they could 'pray' for me, when really they just wanted to see a real-live whore up close. Lunch? No thanks. I’m good down here in my whore-trough. When I was growing up, my grandmother would often say, ‘I’m sweating like a whore in church!’ As a kid, I assumed this imaginary whore was sweating in church because she knew Jesus was watching her and scowling his disproving scowl. But now I know. The whore is not sweating in church because of Jesus. She’s sweating because of all the Christians” (Chapter 37: A Whore in Church).
There is something to be learned from humbly considering Lauren's reflections here, but I can't help but also think that the Keys’ church family found themselves in a lose-lose situation. Give her space, and you’re avoiding her like a bomb. Reach out, and you’re a high-handed hypocrite sliding into your front row seat. Offer to pray? How dare you, you jerk!
“Because of all the Christians.” Is this fair? Christians can be awkward in awkward situations, just like everyone else. Christians don’t always get it right. This is why we constantly need Paul’s reminder to “put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony" (Colossians 3:12-14). The “bearing with” goes both ways. And the Hester Prynne sympathy card has been played to death.
To be honest, this couple sometimes seemed to demand from their former church family a measure of grace, patience, and mercy which they, themselves, were unwilling to extend. I’m glad they found a new church where everyone is “authentic," but I do worry for people with this kind of attitude that it’s only a matter of time before the new church family doesn’t quite measure up.
So, in a nutshell, there's some good stuff in How to Stay Married and quite a bit that chafed. A complicated read to ring in the New Year! 🥳
June 23, 2023
I've never read or heard of anything like this. So honest, so raw, so funny. And so relatable if you're married. There's an understandable tendency of people to hear about infidelity and think, "Oh, that person is a monster. That couple must be so dysfunctional beyond belief. I'm glad we're not like that." This book will blow that assumption up. The dynamics of Harrison and Lauren are found in every marriage. The events that unfold are sadly common. The unheard of part is the redemption that comes through the painstaking humility, raw honesty, and real community.
No one else could have written a book this good. The details he lays out are so bare at times I was uncomfortable, as if I shouldn't be allowed in on such personal details. At the same time, these awful events are made palatable by the hilarious jokes and self-deprecating humor. You'll find yourself cringing, gasping, and laughing loudly. Often all at once.
Read this book. Especially if you're married.
Thanks to Simon & Schuster for the advance copy.
No one else could have written a book this good. The details he lays out are so bare at times I was uncomfortable, as if I shouldn't be allowed in on such personal details. At the same time, these awful events are made palatable by the hilarious jokes and self-deprecating humor. You'll find yourself cringing, gasping, and laughing loudly. Often all at once.
Read this book. Especially if you're married.
Thanks to Simon & Schuster for the advance copy.
October 13, 2023
I’m not sure how emotional and mental torture is “hilarious” but Lauren, if you’re reading this, please set up a go fund me for your attorney fees. I’ll personally do whatever I can to help you escape.
I suppose the silver lining is that a good attorney might be able to submit the author’s own work as evidence of this dude’s absolutely abhorrent behavior.
I suppose the silver lining is that a good attorney might be able to submit the author’s own work as evidence of this dude’s absolutely abhorrent behavior.
September 28, 2023
How does a story so raw get told so hilariously? A story so complicated get told so perfectly?
The swept me up and I listened in two days. I always enjoy authors reading their own books, especially memoirs. The experience reminded me of the raw confession in Seth Haines' "Coming Clean" and the witty storytelling of Daniel Nayeri's "Everything Sad Is Untrue"-- also read by their authors.
And I did, in fact, laugh out loud. What a wonder this story is, of going to hell and back. Not everyone needs to share their stories of marital infidelity so publicly, but I am incredibly grateful they did. Loved hearing her own thoughts in the chapter toward the end.
As Marilynne Robinson says in Gilead, "Grace has a grand laughter in it." That was a quote I couldn't shake around the time of our own wedding. A wild miracle story after a 2.5 year-long breakup (completely different circumstances and story, but grace-filled just the same.)
The swept me up and I listened in two days. I always enjoy authors reading their own books, especially memoirs. The experience reminded me of the raw confession in Seth Haines' "Coming Clean" and the witty storytelling of Daniel Nayeri's "Everything Sad Is Untrue"-- also read by their authors.
And I did, in fact, laugh out loud. What a wonder this story is, of going to hell and back. Not everyone needs to share their stories of marital infidelity so publicly, but I am incredibly grateful they did. Loved hearing her own thoughts in the chapter toward the end.
As Marilynne Robinson says in Gilead, "Grace has a grand laughter in it." That was a quote I couldn't shake around the time of our own wedding. A wild miracle story after a 2.5 year-long breakup (completely different circumstances and story, but grace-filled just the same.)
August 4, 2023
This is a book’s title is misleading. The events are not insane or even unusual. It’s an ordinary story about one mundane couple’s marital difficulties. The husband wrote most of it. The wife wrote one chapter. For the husband, it’s an opportunity to try and make the world laugh because he as some psychological need to try and make everyone believe he’s funny. I laughed for the first 100 pages and then his humor began to get on my nerves. For her, it’s the opportunity to tell the world how difficult it is to live with someone who thinks everything is a joke. Both husband and wife were subjected to the Southern curse of Evangelical gaslighting as children. So, the whole book is larded with God blah, blah, blah. Jesus blah, blah, blah. At the end I had the unpleasant realization that I had wasted several hours of my life I’ll never get back. I gave it 2 stars only because it kept me engaged enough to actually finish the book.
July 3, 2023
The author is so steeped in his own misogyny. He can’t understand why she would leave him given that he provides for like her father never did. I kept reading waiting for the part where he owns his mistakes and goes to therapy but instead he just started doing dishes and now probably does more housework than most men and definitely more than his father so what’s the problem? Gross.
June 23, 2023
4.5 // Too many emotions to sort through. It's one of those books you have to read quickly otherwise you'll just get overwhelmed. It's tragic, and yes, it is funny, but more than that, it's a stab at something much deeper than just "laughing through the tears." Key has found actual truth, iterated in his own way, that is ancient. Truth that is worth fighting for, and hard to believe. It's the truth that marriage predates the ruin of Eden, and is therefore worth staying in, not for comfort or pleasure alone, but for glimpses through pain into Paradise. As he rightfully points out, the essence of comedy is that it always ends in marriage, and the Christian story is the greatest comedy ever told.
Also bonus that a popular level book speaks clearly and supportively of the church. There are local outposts and embassies of Heaven out there folks, places with air thick of grace; you just have to be willing to realize you might be the reason you can't find one.
Also bonus that a popular level book speaks clearly and supportively of the church. There are local outposts and embassies of Heaven out there folks, places with air thick of grace; you just have to be willing to realize you might be the reason you can't find one.
August 23, 2023
I really liked this book. It surprised me. It is smart, thoughtful, funny, and unique. Treating a marital infidelity as true crime genre book is so smart and interesting. Mostly I loved this. I only didn't love the huge amount of God talk. I know that is part of their story, but it felt necessary at the start and then just filling throughout. Overall though I liked it so very much.
March 10, 2024
On Friday night, I intended to starting rereading Les Misérables, but instead I picked up How to Stay Married, which had arrived at the library this week, so long after putting it on hold that I could hardly remember what I’d read about it that made me initiate the hold request. I planned to look at the first page or two to see if I should add it to the to-read pile. Now it’s Sunday afternoon, and I’ve barely put the book down between starting it and finishing it. (Apologies to Monsieur Hugo—I’ll get back to you soon.)
This is the most hilarious and brutal book I’ve read in a long time—and it’s often hilarious and brutal at the same time. Harrison Scott Key is an amazing writer, aided by the fact that he and I are about the same age and share a lot of cultural references. He tells the story of his wife’s infidelity, and what the experience has taught them both. When she first revealed her affair, he made a decision to “fight for her,” not granting her the divorce she requested. That’s just the beginning of the story. The years following that decision reduce both of them to almost nothing—but they found a slender pathway to keeping their marriage, and along the way, they found the love of Jesus Christ. Christianity is interwoven with this story in the most natural, sometimes-wonderful sometimes-painful way. At many points in the book, I couldn’t imagine that the end would be faith-affirming or positive. But I thank God that our stories don’t always go the way that seems horribly inevitable.
As Key confronts his own weaknesses after Lauren’s initial revelation, I found plenty to wrestle with in my awareness of my own petty and ugly flaws. That kind of self-evaluation makes me grateful for the miracle of my amazing marriage. I finished the book feeling in awe of a beautiful woman who has stuck with a guy (me) who is much less than she deserves, and overwhelmed by a loving God who has overseen all of it and led us on through each step.
As the book builds, the tone shifts from hilarious and almost flippant to deeply truthful (and still often hilarious). And then a chapter near the end goes back to the beginning and helps us see the whole story from a very different perspective. The main plot twist, however, is that two people who had every reason to lose all faith in God have ended up with a grander faith because of their utter brokenness. I hope a lot of readers find their way to this book and allow themselves to be challenged by it, whatever demands it makes upon them.
This is the most hilarious and brutal book I’ve read in a long time—and it’s often hilarious and brutal at the same time. Harrison Scott Key is an amazing writer, aided by the fact that he and I are about the same age and share a lot of cultural references. He tells the story of his wife’s infidelity, and what the experience has taught them both. When she first revealed her affair, he made a decision to “fight for her,” not granting her the divorce she requested. That’s just the beginning of the story. The years following that decision reduce both of them to almost nothing—but they found a slender pathway to keeping their marriage, and along the way, they found the love of Jesus Christ. Christianity is interwoven with this story in the most natural, sometimes-wonderful sometimes-painful way. At many points in the book, I couldn’t imagine that the end would be faith-affirming or positive. But I thank God that our stories don’t always go the way that seems horribly inevitable.
As Key confronts his own weaknesses after Lauren’s initial revelation, I found plenty to wrestle with in my awareness of my own petty and ugly flaws. That kind of self-evaluation makes me grateful for the miracle of my amazing marriage. I finished the book feeling in awe of a beautiful woman who has stuck with a guy (me) who is much less than she deserves, and overwhelmed by a loving God who has overseen all of it and led us on through each step.
As the book builds, the tone shifts from hilarious and almost flippant to deeply truthful (and still often hilarious). And then a chapter near the end goes back to the beginning and helps us see the whole story from a very different perspective. The main plot twist, however, is that two people who had every reason to lose all faith in God have ended up with a grander faith because of their utter brokenness. I hope a lot of readers find their way to this book and allow themselves to be challenged by it, whatever demands it makes upon them.
October 20, 2023
I stayed up late (on a work night, for the second time in a row) to finish this book. What can I say? It’s like a train wreck - I just couldn’t look away. 😂 I laughed AND cried, and was in awe that people are so generous with their stories that they’ll share their deepest pain and heartache (and healing) with thousands of readers. Vulnerability is a gift, and I’m thankful for this (hilarious and moving) example of it.
June 13, 2023
Thank you to the author, Avid Reader Press and NetGalley, for an ARC in exchange for an honest review.
I was not familiar with this author, but was hooked by the mention of him being a winner of the Thurber Prize. His writing is humorous, but this book is not. I found large stretches of it sad and the author too self-absorbed. Much of it felt as though the author was holding a comedy monologue, and had put that down on paper. While I understand the concept of looking at the hardship of life - or in this case the disintegration of the author's marriage - through a humorous lens, this book did not work for me. In addition, I had a hard time with the religiosity pervasive throughout the book.
I was not familiar with this author, but was hooked by the mention of him being a winner of the Thurber Prize. His writing is humorous, but this book is not. I found large stretches of it sad and the author too self-absorbed. Much of it felt as though the author was holding a comedy monologue, and had put that down on paper. While I understand the concept of looking at the hardship of life - or in this case the disintegration of the author's marriage - through a humorous lens, this book did not work for me. In addition, I had a hard time with the religiosity pervasive throughout the book.
August 17, 2023
I fail to understand how this book has an over 4 star average rating?!
Hands down, worst audiobook I have ever listened to.
These two are toxic for each other! From descriptions of an abusive marriage (throwing her salad in her lap, among other things) along with Harrison's ramblings about nothing, I don't understand what people are seeing or liking about this book!?
Who on earth takes back someone after they have admittedly cheated on you not once, but multiple times. And when it happens again in the future, he will claim how shocked he is.
Hands down, worst audiobook I have ever listened to.
These two are toxic for each other! From descriptions of an abusive marriage (throwing her salad in her lap, among other things) along with Harrison's ramblings about nothing, I don't understand what people are seeing or liking about this book!?
Who on earth takes back someone after they have admittedly cheated on you not once, but multiple times. And when it happens again in the future, he will claim how shocked he is.
August 23, 2023
I don’t have any cohesive thoughts on this book except for the fact that it made me feel a wider range of emotions than any book ever has and was also probably more raw than anything I’ve ever read. Dang. The way Key writes about “the difference between doubt and wonder,” hope, depravity, grace, the church, scripture, marriage, love, friendship, anger, virtue, forgiveness, and really anything else in life will stick with me for a long time. This book is honest and vulnerable in that way that is simultaneously painful and comforting, which maybe is to say it’s overwhelmingly beautiful in a way you can’t ever forget.
Also Goodreads besties go read @Drake Osborn’s (why can we still not tag people on this platform?) review for some really good pastoral thoughts!
Also Goodreads besties go read @Drake Osborn’s (why can we still not tag people on this platform?) review for some really good pastoral thoughts!
September 18, 2023
Maybe it’s just me but I just didn’t get this book.
Funny at times but I mostly just felt sad for them. And didn’t buy into that they ever loved each other or understood each other at all— before or after the affair. Basically she came back because she had no other choice and “Chad” was a horrible choice too. All marriages are ups and downs but they just seem like two separate people living their lives together for their children/convenience… which is fine but that’s not a love story.
Last note— all his jokes about touching/ ticking her when she didn’t want to be touched. Dude that’s just fucked up.
Funny at times but I mostly just felt sad for them. And didn’t buy into that they ever loved each other or understood each other at all— before or after the affair. Basically she came back because she had no other choice and “Chad” was a horrible choice too. All marriages are ups and downs but they just seem like two separate people living their lives together for their children/convenience… which is fine but that’s not a love story.
Last note— all his jokes about touching/ ticking her when she didn’t want to be touched. Dude that’s just fucked up.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
November 26, 2023
There are three reasons people generally want to know the details when the relationships of otherwise "successful" people fall apart:
1. For some close friends and family, it's to empathize and help their friend/family member bear the burden of the pain and stress.
2. For probably a majority of people, it's because the details of failures are entertaining, whether it's as low-key and innocuous as salacious gossip, or as outright malevolent as watching fail videos on Youtube in which people actually get injured quite badly and that makes some people laugh.
3. For some tiny fraction, it's because they have a sort of engineering mindset, and they want to learn from the failures of others so the lessons can be applied to future relationships.
I would like to count myself among group #3, but the bottom line is that How to Stay Married isn't really written for group #3. It seems to be targeted solidly at groups #1 and 2 only.
Or maybe it was really only for author Key to fulfill his desperation to become a beloved wriiiiiiiiter. And I mean that in only the most whiny, pretentious sense of the word: good writers build their body of work on top of some other body of work, like maybe research into history, their personal military adventure, success in business, or even just a fantastic imagination. But if they don't have any of these kinds of experiences in life to fall back on, their writing can only possibly be about two things:
1. Writing about writing, and what it's like to go sit in a coffee shop and hammer on your keyboard, and
2. Writing about when your wife leaves you for some cargo-shorts-wearing schlub.
How to Stay Married is a book about both of these things. And about how the author's faith in God and church community buoyed him through the experience of his wife's affairs.
Though this book could have been an extremely valuable analysis of his wife's motivations and how not to get to that point, we are treated instead with this not-very-useful wrap up near the end of the final chapter:
Well, dang. He might have started the book with that, to caution his readership what a huge waste of time his book was going to be, if we sought any meaningful insights.
For those of us looking for lessons to apply to our own lives, hearing about faith in Jesus and the community of the author's church isn't very useful. So here are two key takeaways I will summarize, one learned elsewhere but reinforced by this memoir, and one wholly gleaned from the pages of this book:
1. Never insult your wife. Always give compliments and kind words only. This is even true of what you might consider "joking around." If you consider your insults to be sarcasm, and to be taken ironically only, guess what: after a few decades together, the insulting banter becomes not-charming and becomes hurtful only. The ironic or fake-mean comments will eventually be taken at face value... including by your own brain, and you may come to believe them yourself. You train your brain by what you say, so always tell your wife straightforwardly the good things you like about her. And if you ever want to bring an opportunity for improvement to her attention, do it by bringing solutions only. Provide a way to achieve the improvement without harping on a personal failing. If you do that for her, she might catch that habit in return, and be kind back.
2. Don't count on anything Harrison Scott Key writes to be funny. He writes a lot about his beloved "comedy" in this book, but it won't actually make you laugh. That "Thurber Prize for American Humor" he's so proud of, in every bio blurb and every other chapter of this book? You can't tell if it was well-earned by reading this.
1. For some close friends and family, it's to empathize and help their friend/family member bear the burden of the pain and stress.
2. For probably a majority of people, it's because the details of failures are entertaining, whether it's as low-key and innocuous as salacious gossip, or as outright malevolent as watching fail videos on Youtube in which people actually get injured quite badly and that makes some people laugh.
3. For some tiny fraction, it's because they have a sort of engineering mindset, and they want to learn from the failures of others so the lessons can be applied to future relationships.
I would like to count myself among group #3, but the bottom line is that How to Stay Married isn't really written for group #3. It seems to be targeted solidly at groups #1 and 2 only.
Or maybe it was really only for author Key to fulfill his desperation to become a beloved wriiiiiiiiter. And I mean that in only the most whiny, pretentious sense of the word: good writers build their body of work on top of some other body of work, like maybe research into history, their personal military adventure, success in business, or even just a fantastic imagination. But if they don't have any of these kinds of experiences in life to fall back on, their writing can only possibly be about two things:
1. Writing about writing, and what it's like to go sit in a coffee shop and hammer on your keyboard, and
2. Writing about when your wife leaves you for some cargo-shorts-wearing schlub.
How to Stay Married is a book about both of these things. And about how the author's faith in God and church community buoyed him through the experience of his wife's affairs.
Though this book could have been an extremely valuable analysis of his wife's motivations and how not to get to that point, we are treated instead with this not-very-useful wrap up near the end of the final chapter:
How can I, for example, continue to sleep next to a woman who wanted, for the better part of a decade, to attend my funeral, so that she could marry another? I don't know. I will never know. The human heart is a terrain that cannot be mapped by reason alone. Virtue cannot solve the riddle of marriage.
Well, dang. He might have started the book with that, to caution his readership what a huge waste of time his book was going to be, if we sought any meaningful insights.
For those of us looking for lessons to apply to our own lives, hearing about faith in Jesus and the community of the author's church isn't very useful. So here are two key takeaways I will summarize, one learned elsewhere but reinforced by this memoir, and one wholly gleaned from the pages of this book:
1. Never insult your wife. Always give compliments and kind words only. This is even true of what you might consider "joking around." If you consider your insults to be sarcasm, and to be taken ironically only, guess what: after a few decades together, the insulting banter becomes not-charming and becomes hurtful only. The ironic or fake-mean comments will eventually be taken at face value... including by your own brain, and you may come to believe them yourself. You train your brain by what you say, so always tell your wife straightforwardly the good things you like about her. And if you ever want to bring an opportunity for improvement to her attention, do it by bringing solutions only. Provide a way to achieve the improvement without harping on a personal failing. If you do that for her, she might catch that habit in return, and be kind back.
2. Don't count on anything Harrison Scott Key writes to be funny. He writes a lot about his beloved "comedy" in this book, but it won't actually make you laugh. That "Thurber Prize for American Humor" he's so proud of, in every bio blurb and every other chapter of this book? You can't tell if it was well-earned by reading this.
August 31, 2023
Ugh. Thought it would be funnier and less preachy.
January 8, 2024
WOW. I could not stop listening to this one. What an insane story, truly!
January 20, 2024
I feel like I just watched Everything Everywhere All at Once but in words. I appreciate the level of vulnerability from both the author and his wife. Marriage is often portrayed in media as the greatest most beautiful thing to ever happen, and while those beautiful moments exist, this book does a wonderful job of displaying the hardships that tag along. To all my homies getting married this year, good luck and it’s worth it
October 17, 2023
One of the best books I’ve ever read.
July 17, 2023
Not for everyone, and that’s ok. But when I saw that the author of one of the funniest books I’ve ever listened to (“The World’s Largest Man”—also, listening to him read it IS a necessity 😆) had come out with another book, I immediately placed a hold from my library. For some reason I’m not really a comedy person, but his first book was recommended to me by a reading friend I trust, and I laughed and cried the whole way through it.
My hold for this one became available shortly before a weekend road trip with my husband and five daughters (Mr. Key, we see you 😆) and since the girls were occupied with their many devices, I invited my husband, an evangelical pastor, to share the AirPods and listen along. It was definitely more fun to chuckle at the chapters with someone else who perfectly understood the hilarious parody of Job and descriptions of the Old Testament bible reading, of raising daughters, and just how annoying your spouse’s breathing can be sometimes, but also the beauty of church planting, of exploring Christianity, not through the opinions and viewpoints of others, but simply through God’s Word, of choosing mercy and humility over judgement, and just how difficult it is to stay married. I feel like this book probably ministered to us in a different way than some of our other favorite marriage books by people like Tim Keller, and we are thankful for Harrison and Lauren sharing their story.
My hold for this one became available shortly before a weekend road trip with my husband and five daughters (Mr. Key, we see you 😆) and since the girls were occupied with their many devices, I invited my husband, an evangelical pastor, to share the AirPods and listen along. It was definitely more fun to chuckle at the chapters with someone else who perfectly understood the hilarious parody of Job and descriptions of the Old Testament bible reading, of raising daughters, and just how annoying your spouse’s breathing can be sometimes, but also the beauty of church planting, of exploring Christianity, not through the opinions and viewpoints of others, but simply through God’s Word, of choosing mercy and humility over judgement, and just how difficult it is to stay married. I feel like this book probably ministered to us in a different way than some of our other favorite marriage books by people like Tim Keller, and we are thankful for Harrison and Lauren sharing their story.
December 6, 2023
It was a 1 star and a 5 star. Hence, it was a 3-star. If you are to read this book, you need to know who you are.
Can you identify and rightly evaluate irreverence, crudeness, unhelpful language, unnecessary details, worn-out mischaracterizations and dismissals of biblical church discipline? Then this book might be for you.
Because, with those caveats in mind, it is helpful as:
1. A realistic journey through the emotions, thinking, and actions of someone who has or is being unfaithful and for the one facing that in their spouse.
2. An illustration of perseverance in imperfect love fighting for a marriage
3. It makes you evaluate your own character in marriage
4. It sounds the alarms about big and little indicates that something isn't right in your own heart or the heart of your spouse.
5. A reminder about the deceptiveness of sin both in the one who is unfaithful and the one who is reacting to the unfaithfulness.
Besides, the author is a master wordsmith coupled with a gift of hilarity that makes the book engaging and hard to stop listening to, even if the reader/listener gets the impression that the author's giftedness in writing and humor does lead him down paths that he should have never led his readers down.
This is probably the most frustratingly helpful 3-star book I have ever read/listened to.
Can you identify and rightly evaluate irreverence, crudeness, unhelpful language, unnecessary details, worn-out mischaracterizations and dismissals of biblical church discipline? Then this book might be for you.
Because, with those caveats in mind, it is helpful as:
1. A realistic journey through the emotions, thinking, and actions of someone who has or is being unfaithful and for the one facing that in their spouse.
2. An illustration of perseverance in imperfect love fighting for a marriage
3. It makes you evaluate your own character in marriage
4. It sounds the alarms about big and little indicates that something isn't right in your own heart or the heart of your spouse.
5. A reminder about the deceptiveness of sin both in the one who is unfaithful and the one who is reacting to the unfaithfulness.
Besides, the author is a master wordsmith coupled with a gift of hilarity that makes the book engaging and hard to stop listening to, even if the reader/listener gets the impression that the author's giftedness in writing and humor does lead him down paths that he should have never led his readers down.
This is probably the most frustratingly helpful 3-star book I have ever read/listened to.
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January 19, 2024wow, this truly is the most insane love story ever told lol. I’m honestly not sure what to say about it, but he is an amazing writer and genuinely made me laugh out loud several times
June 27, 2023
Blue like jazz meets Jim Gaffigan in the form of reality television in a book.
Some lines are absolute gold. I absolutely laughed out loud multiple times. Its hard to dislike a book that makes you laugh. However there’s a ton I could have done without. It can be painfully repetitive. And also like there’s a lot of stuff here I feel reading just puts one in a position of morbid curiosity and therefore can not particularly recommend it.
Some lines are absolute gold. I absolutely laughed out loud multiple times. Its hard to dislike a book that makes you laugh. However there’s a ton I could have done without. It can be painfully repetitive. And also like there’s a lot of stuff here I feel reading just puts one in a position of morbid curiosity and therefore can not particularly recommend it.
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