A fellow passenger called me a bad mother on a flight

‘You’re a sh**ty, sh**ty mother with sh**ty, sh**ty kids.’ 

That’s what a drunken passenger yelled at me on our recent flight to Tenerife.

We were just 20 minutes from landing and the seatbelt sign was already on, but that didn’t stop him from leering over me and my two young children, aged two and five.

In all my years of travelling, both with my children and without, I’ve never experienced anything quite like it. And I hope I never will again.

My husband and I have always loved to travel. We’ve backpacked around Thailand, enjoyed many mini breaks to Europe, and spent my husband’s 30th birthday travelling around Canada. After our eldest son was born, we vowed not to let that change.

In fact, since becoming parents we’ve travelled more than ever before.

Being able to whisk the kids off to Mexico, Ibiza, Italy, and Spain so that they can see different cultures, people, try new foods and visit beautiful places is something we value greatly. 

We save throughout the year to afford our trips and some of our happiest memories have happened while we’ve been abroad: my sons staring wide-eyed at the live seafood in a food market in Palma, Mallorca, or learning more about their Italian heritage and trying their first authentic cannolis in Sicily. 

Of course, that means we’ve become dab hands at air travel with toddlers in tow.

We pack each child their own bag full of their favourite toys, books, snacks, and a tablet if the flight is long so they can watch a film or a couple of episodes of their favourite shows. 

On longer flights, they usually just fall asleep, so we try to book flight times that fit in with their natural nap or bed times. 

And we’ve also been very clear with the kids from the start about what we expect of them when travelling.

They must be as well behaved as they can be (or where their developmental age allows) and respectful of other people while flying. And I am pleased to say they are generally good travellers. 

That’s not to say it’s always a picnic. There have been times when it’s gone wrong such as on a flight to Mexico when our eldest son was a baby. He fell asleep in the bassinet but during some turbulence we had to take him out. 

He was overtired, stressed and very hard to settle. Thankfully we were surrounded by very kind people who helped us with snacks, the offer of a blanket, and even just an empathetic look. It made all the difference and peace was restored after a while. 

But on the whole we try to be considerate travellers and incidents like this are rare. Luckily for us, we have always found our fellow passengers to be patient and understanding of having children in their space.

Sadly though, that was not the case on our flight to Tenerife during the Easter holidays. In fact, I have never felt so intimidated and scared.

Around an hour into the flight, my two-year-old son, who is naturally more unpredictable than his big brother, threw a small piece of biscuit up into the air. It landed on the floor next to the two teenage girls in front of us who were sat in business class. We were in economy. 

After quickly telling him not to do it again, I apologised profusely to the family’s teenage daughters in front believing that they would accept my apology and show some sort of understanding that it was an accident and by a very young child. 

To my surprise though, one of them stood up and told me my son was annoying her. Once again I apologised.

‘I’m so sorry. He’s only two years old but I am trying my best,’ I explained.

She seemed to accept this and returned to her seat without issue. After that, the flight was fairly calm.

My five-year-old son spent the whole time watching a film, colouring, and playing computer games, not getting up once from his chair. Meanwhile, my husband and I swapped seats every now and again to take turns in entertaining our toddler.

However, throughout the journey, the couple in front of us were getting louder and louder and I’m almost entirely certain it had something to do with the amount of drink they were served. 

Each time a member of the cabin crew set yet another mini bottle of vodka in front of them I became nervous. Partly because I overheard the mother make comments like: ‘That air hostess has the kind of face I want to punch’ but also because, every time another child on the flight cried, the man would stand up and glare at them aggressively.

For three hours it felt like something was brewing, like if the slightest thing happened then either we or the cabin crew were going to be the brunt of their aggression.

That’s why I was so relieved when we were then asked to fasten our seatbelts as the flight was preparing to land – we’d made it.

I did what I always do at this point and began reading a book to my sons which is when my two-year-old, in true toddler fashion, suddenly grabbed the flight safety card from the seat pocket and flung it up into the air. It floated up into the air, landing once again by the young women in front of us. 

And that’s when it happened. That’s when the now incredibly intoxicated man from the row in front leapt to his feet and started firing off his tirade of abuse at me. 

I sat there scared and in utter disbelief. My children started to cry, and my eldest son kept saying that his brother didn’t mean to do it. 

His girlfriend pulled him back, wobbling on her feet as she did, and my husband asked him to stop, which only made things worse. 

Then a toddler started to cry in the next row.

‘God, I hate kids!’ the man shouted. ‘I hate ‘em. I hate ‘em. Shi**y parents and their f**k*ng shi**y kids.’

At this point the air crew rushed over and not only asked him to sit down, but thankfully moved me and the children away from the couple and apologised profusely. 

‘Why didn’t you tell us earlier that they were being like that?’ one cabin crew member asked.

‘It escalated quickly,’ I replied.

I don’t know why I made excuses for him, his behaviour was wholly unacceptable. But in the moment all I could think about was keeping my children away from those people, hoping the man didn’t assault my husband in passport control and trying not to cry.

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Once we landed, other families spoke to the crew and told them how unreasonable, abusive and aggressive the couple had been.

We were also allowed to stay back while the family left the plane and we were asked to file a report. Sadly nothing came of this or our formal complaint and all we received from the airline was an apology. 

I asked twice if they could assure me that we wouldn’t be on the same flight home as those people. They said they couldn’t. 

I’ve since learned that, even though this type of behaviour is deemed unlawful, abuse from unruly passengers has become terrifyingly high in recent years. 

In fact, the International Air Transport Association (IATA), recently published data which shows that drunken and abusive behaviour has increased by 47% since the pandemic. I just don’t see how that can be allowed to continue.

While I understand that some adults may want to enjoy their time in a child-free space, a flight is not one of them, nor should it be. Children have as much right to be on a plane as anyone else and, let’s be honest, they’re not the ones drinking heavily and becoming abusive now, are they?

I would like to see airlines imposing stricter sanctions on passengers that break aviation laws, and for there to be a three-drink maximum limit on short-haul flights.

Thankfully my children forgot all about the incident after a few days while it took me slightly longer to shake the whole experience off.

We haven’t let it deter us though, and we’re flying to Portugal in the school holidays. I think I’ll always be more anxious flying with my children now but I just hope this time around, the memories we make will be ones from outside the terminal.

This article was first published on June 1, 2024

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