Young woman standing in front of subway at platform
Even if the train stopped, I’d still be alone in a locked carriage with a man who’d threatened to kill me (Picture: Getty Images/Westend61)

‘Are you a virgin?’ I heard echoing down the empty carriage.

‘S-sorry?’ I said baffled, looking up – I was entirely alone, except for one man.

I’d bristled when he was the only person to get on my otherwise empty carriage, only mere minutes earlier, but I’d kept reading my book.

‘Are you a f**king virgin?’ he repeated, standing up. Eyes wild. His body shuddered in short, sharp motions as he started speed-walking towards me.

‘I’m going to shoot you, I have a gun,’ he shouted. He was mumbling and nodding to himself, dirty, and obviously unwell.

He got to me before I could even process what he’d said. Before I could stand up and press the emergency alarm – whatever help that would have been.

Even if I’d pressed it and the train stopped, I’d still be alone in a locked carriage with a man who’d threatened to kill me.

His body loomed over me as he pointed in my face – his shaking fingers forming a gun right to my head, muttering nonsense.

He locked eyes with mine. They talk about eyes going black in books, but I swear I actually saw evil in his.

Looking back, it’s the most scared I have ever been. And though it happened years ago – when I lived in London – his eyes still sometimes haunt me whenever I get on trains. 

Emmie wearing a flower crown and colourful dress, at Glastonbury.
As a woman, I’ve been aware of my own mortality at the hands of men for decades. (Picture: Emmie Harrison-West)

It’s little wonder that I’m surprised to hear that violence against women and girls travelling on Britain’s trains has risen by more than 50% over the last two years. 

At the same time, the survey commissioned by The British Transport Police found that the number of sexual offences has risen by 10% over the same period, and the number of reported cases of sexual harassment has doubled.

That doesn’t surprise me, either. Every single woman I know has been catcalled, harassed, attacked or assaulted on some mode of transport – both in and out of London. I know I have been, and still am.

After I was threatened with my life, for a while, I refused to get the Tube alone. Looked over my shoulder for this man.

I started planning my journeys alongside my husband, or friends – always trying to make sure one was male, for protection.

I’d go as far to say it’s what eventually encouraged me to move out of London. I didn’t feel safe.

As a woman, I’ve been aware of my own mortality at the hands of men for decades. But nothing can prepare you for someone saying they have a gun in an enclosed, locked, moving space, when you’re entirely alone.

Emmie standing in a white and pink floral dress, holding onto a rail and smiling while standing in front of the London skyline at sunset.
I didn’t feel safe in London as a woman (Picture: Emmie Harrison-West)

Somehow, at the time. I managed to calmly get up – I think flight mode took over. I escaped at the next stop, but I was conscious he’d follow me. 

He did, and my heart raced as it was super early morning, before rush hour, and there was no one on the platform, either.

No staff, no emergency call buttons that I could see – just me, this man, and live train tracks. I could have easily been physically attacked or overwhelmed by him, with no one to intervene.

For some reason, this man wandered into another empty carriage – undoubtedly searching for his next victim.

When the train soared past, I hyperventilated and started to cry. Where was my help? Where did I go? Had the driver not seen it happen on camera?

I couldn’t call the British Transport Police, I was underground. If I did go to the surface and report him, would I be believed? I was alone, had no witnesses. And by then, it would have been too late – he’d be too far away.

Anyway, I was going to be late for an exercise class I’d already paid for. Was it really worth it? 

I regret having this mentality now, but so many women are guilty of belittling the trauma we go through at the hands of men – it just felt like part of life. 

Even if I did go through the effort of reporting it, Underground train CCTV footage is reportedly only kept for up to 72 hours, while stations are up to 14 days.

London, commuters in crowded subway car
Between 5pm and 7pm, and on busy train carriages, is when sexual assault and violence is most likely to happen (Picture: Jeffrey Greenberg/Universal Images Group via Getty Images)

And, sadly, even when writing this, I tried to remember what I was wearing, to describe it. As if, somehow, I was deserving of being shot. Then I realised it was unimportant what I was wearing – this man wanted to shoot me regardless.

So, I did what every other woman does, and went back about my day. As if it was the most normal thing in the world to be threatened with a gun in the UK’s capital.

The British Transport Police claim that attacks have risen because of greater reporting. I am relieved that more women are doing this, not just brushing it under the carpet – but at the same time, these stats are distressing. 

The one positive is that the survey found that 51% of those who have been victims of harassment said that other passengers had tried to help. 

However, I can’t help but think about what happened to the other 49%. 

Or what happened to those women when there was no one around, like with what happened to me.

British Transport Police's latest figures

  • Violent crimes against women and girls on railways have risen to 11,357 from 7,561 last year
  • The number of sexual offences has risen by 10% to 2,475
  • Cases of sexual harassment doubled to 1,908
  • A third of women have been sexually harassed or been victims of sexual offences on the Tube or train

Or those who didn’t report it, like me.

In the case of the Tube, yes there are TfL posters describing that catcalling or staring at women is wrong, but it doesn’t help when a woman’s being attacked. Cuts to services means more and more train stations are unstaffed, too.

What is in place to help women like me? We’re still in very real danger on a right as basic as public transport.

There needs to be an increase in effective policing on transport at all times, with heightened presence during key times – especially between 5pm and 7pm, on busy train carriages, according to the survey.

Stations need effective, present, long-lasting CCTV footage, with more emergency alarms – and both staff and drivers need to know when to intervene, and actually be present in the first instance. 

If we don’t get on track to make women’s safety a priority, the number of attacks will only keep rising. 

And more dangerous men will simply disappear into the next carriage.

Do you have a story you’d like to share? Get in touch by emailing [email protected]. 

Share your views in the comments below.

MORE : Severe delays disrupt major London Underground line

MORE : Best ways to travel to Taylor Swift Eras concerts at Wembley Stadium

MORE : I think Freddie Flintoff’s facial scars look cool – and they’re just like mine