LOS ANGELES – To be perfectly prickly, nobody outside this city’s limits, exempting Yankees fans, perhaps, likes the Lakers. How can we when the Lakers don’t like themselves?
Oh, sure, now that they’re positioned to gain another championship the Zen Hen’s House suddenly is spotless and each pin-up player all at once thinks their teammates and coaches are just precious.
Un-charmed, to be sure; their warm and fuzzy charade doesn’t fool me a bit. No matter what they’ve been lip synching lately for public consumption Shaq, Kobe, Little Noxious, the Mailman and Big Chief Triangle privately loathe the preponderance of Dysfunction Junction.
I’m beginning to suspect Vanessa Bryant of being this generation’s Christina DeLorean. Maybe it’s because her lawyers are covertly wondering whether the Larry O’Brien trophy can be equally divided.
On the flip side, unless you’re Rick Carlisle and Carmelo Anthony, or have a connection or affection for L.A. Lore, who isn’t rooting for the Pistons?
Starting with Bill Davidson, who owned them when Larry O’Brien was known as the man whose Democratic Party office was ordered broken into by President Nixon, as opposed to the name of the title trophy. Second in longevity to Washington’s Abe Pollin, Davidson, 81 and tracking his third NBA crown, bought the team in 1974 from Fred Zollner who shifted the franchise to Detroit in ’58 from Fort Wayne where he owned an auto body shop, hence the nickname Pistons.
Oscar Feldman, meanwhile, was Davidson’s lawyer before the purchase and has provided legal counsel for the team since. When asked for advice regarding the proposed deal, Feldman declared, “I think it’s terrible investment. Bad location. Bad building [Cobo Arena], bad fan base.” He recommended against it. “I’m doing it anyway,” Davidson replied.
Loyalty runs rich and bottomless through Davidson’s veins. How can you not root for a guy whose organization is based on that spirit? Feldman is hardly its only lifer, he’s the rule. In fact, Ben Paolucci, in his 35th season, worked for four years as the team doctor under Zollner; how many people can say they have conversations on the same day with Darko Milicic and John Mengelt? Team president Tom Wilson has been on the scene 26 years. Matt Dobek has been headlining the publicity department for 21. Trainer Mike Abdenour has been attending to Pistons for 25, the same amount of time marketing VPs Dan Hauser and John Ciszewski have been on the job.
Then there’s Joltin’ Joe Dumars, who never left and went away. One of everybody’s all-time favorite players and people, he is now one of the league’s foremost personnel authorities. Revered as the only “Bad Boy” to wear a white hat, the league went so far in its adoration to identify its Sportsmanship Award in his honor. You don’t see one named after Mitch Kupchak, do you?
Larry Brown’s unconscionable kindness toward my son is additional impetus to side with Detroit. Last time he matched wits and human resources with Phil Jackson he got him to uncross his legs once. Since Brown’s players don’t take off a single defensive possession and the Lakers are known to take off an entire game Jackson might want to keep his fingers permanently crossed. Here’s the paradox: How come Brown gets everyone to play for him in Detroit yet nobody wants to play for him in Greece?
Ben Wallace? How can you not love this undrafted once unadoptable mountain of a man? There’s no active player like him. The closest was Dennis Rodman. Clockwork is the sane version with just the holes God gave him.
Even Rasheed Wallace has become almost cuddly. Since arriving in Detroit only his performances and press conferences have been arresting. Can’t recall the last time he was tossed, T-ed up or towel-dried a teammate from point-blank range. On his best behavior; consequently, we’ve been given the chance to appreciate his passion for winning the right way and willingness to play hurt. If Rasheed keeps up this nonsense, the league will be forced to rename its sportsmanship award after him.
Rip Hamilton? Fathers all over the world are telling their kids to study how he cleverly reads the defense before curling around picks (speed is not important, in fact, it can be dangerous) for open jumpers or clear paths to the hoop. A great watch and a great listen; nobody tolerates more inane questions from sideline reporters with a straight face.
Need more reasons to rally around the Pistons? Chauncey Billups capacity to make big shots even when struggling, Lindsay Hunter’s beatific smile while slashing opponents’ sneakers, Shower Forward Corliss Williamson, Herb Brown, Mike James being the only person from Long Island not to be side-swiped by Billy Joel, Bob Seger, Eminem, Mickey Lolich, Al Kaline, Motown, the football team formerly known as the Lions and because Kobe has not proved he has mastered the feat of holding the Larry O’Brien trophy and Jim Gray in his arms at the same time.