This year has been a perfect example of why you shouldn’t let your children grow up to be Newcastle United fans.
The team’s loyal (and some would say delusional) supporters have been put through the wringer since the calendar turned over on Jan. 1, forced to deal with an indifferent group of players, managerial incompetence and the continued reign of cartoonishly evil owner Mike Ashley. Fortunately for the beleaguered fan base, this weekend offered up some relief and joy.
The Magpies finished off last season in truly catastrophic form, taking a meager four points from their final 11 matches, barely escaping relegation. Somehow this campaign started even worse, with Steve McClaren’s squad earning two points from the first eight games. But on Sunday, Newcastle finally notched their first win, an entertaining if flawed 6-2 thrashing of Norwich that shows that the team is better than its pitiful point total suggests.
The scoring started early for the home team, with Moussa Sissoko setting up Georginio Wijnaldum for the first of his four goals in the 14th minute. Though the build-up was nice, Newcastle had some atrocious defending to thank.
Minutes later, the Magpies returned the favor, letting Norwich’s Martin Olsson zip in an uncontested cross that Dieumerci Mbokani expertly poked in for the equalizer in the 20th. Things didn’t stay level long: Wijnaldum struck again six minutes later, followed seven minutes after that by a scrappy put-away from Ayoze Perez. But this being Newcastle, and fitting in with both teams’ pregame pact to not play defense, Norwich was back within a goal just a minute later thanks to Nathan Redmond. That no one else scored before the halftime whistle was the most surprising aspect of a breakneck opening 45.
Though their team was up at the half, Newcastle fans could be forgiven for any pessimism that may have crept in. Just three weeks ago, their club had the struggling defending champs Chelsea up against a wall, down two with barely a dozen minutes to play, but couldn’t summon up the defensive fortitude to stop their opponents from leveling things shortly before the final whistle. You know things are dark when your best game of the season featured an embarrassing collapse.
The scoring slowed slightly in the second half, but that’s only because Norwich spent so much time frantically running around trying to stop Newcastle from adding to the scoreline that they forgot to do the same. All that running was for naught, though, as the Magpies were able to put in three: one from striker/head case Aleksandar Mitrovic and two more from the high-flying Wijnaldum. As with all their first-half tallies, Norwich’s defense was suspect at best, but that didn’t make the finishing any less clinical.
The win was Newcastle at its best, especially going forward where Sissoko (who set up four goals), Mitrovic and Wijnaldum combined time and time again to wreak havoc on Norwich’s shaky backline. But the home team wasn’t much better on that end of the pitch, frequently looking as if they could easily give up one or three to let the Canaries back into the game.
Still, a win is a win, especially when you’ve been rooted to the bottom of the league table. Newcastle now are just two points from saying goodbye to the relegation zone.
Prior to the game, McClaren said it would take three transfer windows to turn his team around. While that may have initially read like a man trying to explain away his struggles, there’s truth to it. Newcastle have shown glimpses of quality throughout this season — unlike, say, Sunderland — and this game showed if given the time, they might be able to do something.
Slow reboots at both Liverpool and Sunderland
Liverpool and Sunderland both came back from the international break with new men at the helm. German Jürgen Klopp took over for the fired Brendan Rodgers at Liverpool, while Sam Allardyce was brought in to work his ugly relegation-avoiding magic at Sunderland, where Dick Advocaat walked away from his post following the team’s last insipid performance. One result in and it’s clear a new manager isn’t all it will take to change either team’s fortunes.
Klopp’s hiring was met with tears of joy by red-leaning Liverpudlians. The former manager of Bundesliga side Borussia Dortmund is revered among soccer purists, something made clear by the slobbering coverage of his appointment in the British press. Unfortunately, the hype wasn’t enough to power his squad past Tottenham on Saturday. While the team kept a clean sheet for the first time in nine matches, and became the first team to outrun Spurs this season, their lack of offense was again painfully apparent. Still, a 0-0 draw to Mauricio Pochettino’s side isn’t the worst way to kick things off.
It’s certainly better the loss that kicked off Allardyce’s reign. Just like Newcastle fans, Sunderland supporters know to expect the worst from their team, but they had to be hopeful of at least getting a point against a poor West Brom side. Instead they lost 1-0 courtesy of a goal from Saido Berahino. But even Allardyce, someone who believes he is the best manager in Europe despite all proof otherwise, knows that turning around Sunderland is going to take time. Their ceiling is grinding out low-scoring games. They’ll need to score to do that, but at least they managed to keep the game close.
Klopp and Allardyce face very different challenges. Klopp needs to challenge for a spot in Europe; Allardyce just needs to keep his team up. Both will need time and patience if they’re to succeed. Though fans may have been hopeful of immediate results, this weekend made clear that that won’t be the case.
Goal of the Week
Jamie Vardy’s extra time equalizer (1:40 mark) in Leicester’s 2-2 draw with Southampton may not have been the weekend’s prettiest goal, but it was one of the most thrilling. The underrated striker helped inspire his team to yet another comeback Saturday, and there was something gloriously predictable about his second goal of the game (bringing his season total to nine). As he powerfully fired the ball into the top of the net in the 91st minute, it was clear the English international was going to do whatever he could to make sure his team didn’t lose
Card of the Week
Crystal Palace’s  Dwight Gayle really couldn’t have chosen a worse time to lose his head on Saturday (0:45). The striker’s second yellow card, for a clumsy and pointless challenge on West Ham’s Cheikhou Kouyaté just before the half, was the turning point in his team’s 3-1 loss. Forced to play a man down for the entire second half, Palace was almost able to withstand the West Ham onslaught, but two late goals put the game away.
Post’s Premier League Rankings
Wins from each of the top three further separate them from the pack, West Ham’s road form continues and Bournemouth’s complete lack of defense has them in serious trouble (last week’s rankings in parentheses):
1. Manchester City (1)
2. Arsenal (2)
3. Manchester United (3)
4. West Ham (7)
5. Tottenham (5)
6. Everton (4)
7. Leicester (8)
8. Crystal Palace (6)
9. Liverpool (9)
10. Southampton (10)
11. Swansea (11)*
12. Chelsea (13)
13. Norwich (12)
14. Watford (14)
15. Stoke (15)*
16. Bournemouth (16)
17. West Brom (17)
18. Newcastle (19)
19. Aston Villa (18)
20. Sunderland (20)
*Play Monday