Kids’ birthday parties are like a terrifying initiation into the challenging years of parenthood. Forget about the terrible twos, now it’s all about the painful party planning.
One mom has learned just how onerous birthday parties can be when a school mom invited herself to her child’s party… and she was so caught off-guard that she didn’t set her straight at the time.
“I’d much rather go to yours”
“My [daughter] is turning eight in August and we’ve organized a small party for her, telling her she can have six guests from school,” the woman wrote in her post to mumsnet.
She said the limit on guests came down to cost as the party was an activity that’s “fairly pricey per child.”
The issue arose when another school mom asked if she and her daughter were attending something else that’s being held on the same day.
“I foolishly said, no because it’s her birthday and she’s having a party,” she continued.
“The mom instantly said, oh OK I’ll say no to the event then as she (her daughter) would much rather go to your party.”
She added, “The kids have literally never played together.”
The woman said she stupidly mumbled something and headed off without clarifying that the woman and her child weren’t actually invited. Now though, she’s stressing out about it.
She said she’d consider just inviting them, but then there are other children her daughter would want to invite if there were more spots available.
“I’m annoyed with myself but also finding the whole thing a bit stressful and awkward,” she said, asking for advice on how to address it.
“Just send her a message”
There were some very logical suggestions for how to get out of this situation on Mumsnet.
“I would simply say to her next time you see her, ‘Please don’t cancel an arrangement because of [darling daughter’s] party, we are only having five children to the party’. And leave it at that,” suggested one commenter.
One person said the woman was in the wrong for not saying anything at the time.
“I only voted Yabu [you are being unreasonable] for sheepishly murmuring and leaving,” they said. “You have to stand up for your daughter, who else will if you don’t put her straight, the other mom, quite politely but clearly so she doesn’t ‘misunderstand’ and show up anyway.
Another added, “I think you were very rude to tell her there was a party when her daughter wasn’t invited. The normal polite response would have been ‘no, we aren’t able to make it’. She presumably assumed her daughter was invited as it didn’t dawn on her that you would have mentioned the party if her daughter wasn’t invited. I would say in this instance you should suck it up.”
And one pointed out that if she were to just go along with it and invite the girl, the situation might get even worse.
“The poor girl will end up at a party with five other kids who don’t consider her part of the group and it will be awkward all round, if not actual tears,” they said. “Not to mention your budget getting pushed up and it all leaving a bad taste for these reasons. Just nip it in the bud before one thing leads to another and it becomes a farce.”
The mom replied thanking everyone for the responses.
“When you put it like that it sounds really obvious,” she said. “Wish I hadn’t frozen to the spot and just said it then!”