The story has it that legendary Alabama football coach Bear Bryant was not short on self-assigned confidence that many heard as boastful. Thus Bryant considered himself the best duck-hunting marksman ever to shoulder a shotgun.
One morning, Bryant and some friends were hunting when a string of ducks suddenly flew across their gaze.
“The one on the end,” Bryant announced, “that one’s mine.”
Bryant pumped his shotgun, raised it, aimed and fired.
Nothing. All the ducks flew on.
Bryant regarded the scene for a moment, nodded toward the sky, then declared, “Thar flies a dead duck.”
We no longer have to rely on duck tales to know that we now stand wobbling at the crossroads of absurd and preposterous.
Consider the days and weeks prior to Sunday’s NBA All-Star Game when local media throughout NBA cities advocated — relentlessly pounded the drums — to include “their guy” on the roster, thus giving him the opportunity to play in what’s now annually the most undignified, waste-of-time “game” the league presents in order to invite ridicule.
That the Over/Under was established at 358 — the Over was easily surpassed in Sunday’s 211–186 final — served as more of an indictment than an everyone-now-must-have-a-bet TV viewing and give-us-our-cut enterprise.
The only thing it determined for many was that they would never again watch an NBA All-Star Game along with the NFL’s Pro Bowl and MLB’s indefensibly denuded All-Star Game.
It was both comical and unsurprising, that ESPN’s “SportsCenter,” Monday morning, led with the “game,” treating the farce with reverence and a good deal of serious, highlights-plucking examination as ESPN continues to specialize in trying to con genuine, know-better sports fans with anything that promotes its partnered investment products — especially the NBA.
Naturally, TV again proved that it’s drawn to the worst acts to sell its telecasts, thus Draymond Green, a gratuitously violent, regularly sanctioned disgrace to his sport was TNT’s special All-Star Game star attraction.
Whoever came up with Green as a preferred presence — and whoever approved — please let us know. We’ll be happy to provide the space to print how you arrived at such a decision and who you tried so hard to attract.
But the weekend was morbidly obese in farce.
The weekend’s NHL presentations on ESPN continued to demand disgusted mockery as they again featured the brilliant idea of attaching player-name graphics to those with the puck during power plays. Because ESPN must always attach its special tag to everything it touches, we were again forced to read the game during its more frenetic and decisive moments rather than watch it.
After three NHL seasons in, it still hasn’t dawned on ESPN that such clutter appears over players who quickly one-touch the puck as preface to the next split-second here-then-gone distracting, flashing graphic. But ESPN chooses obstructed views over maximized live coverage and standard play-by-play calls.
Yet one didn’t need ESPN or TNT to know that common sense can no longer compete with the preposterous. One could view online that a girls high school basketball game in Massachusetts included young women injured by a trans male with the size, build and strength to physically dominate female opponents.
At about 6-foot-1, and with facial hair, this stood to reason but not the preposterous new rules.
In one clip, he’s seen wrestling a ball away from an opponent, sending her flying. Illegal? No. Unfair? Absolutely, conspicuously and indisputably!
But to advocate for fair play in sports, of all endeavors, now irrevocably establishes you as an anti-trans bigot — and by no less an authority on fair play than President Biden.
Again, the preposterously illogical has us surrounded.
And then came word that new Yankees superstar, Juan Soto — with a rep for doing less with more — has named Robinson “Good In The Clubhouse” Cano as his baseball role model. Preposterous.
But can’t say he didn’t warn us.
A sneaking suspicion about Trump sneakers
Donald Trump’s new sneakers will be worn by the Trump University basketball team — if “The U” ever resumes following its revelation that it was a scam.
Give Me That Ol’ Time Religion: Creighton fans, Tuesday, chanted “F–k You” at UConn coach Danny Hurley as a matter of, I guess, school spirit. For those scoring at home, Creighton is a Jesuit school. Hurley, who can be explosive, exploded.
By the way, UConn’s men’s team, even when ranked No. 1, is not fully appreciated in TV-chosen game highlights. Why? Perhaps it has something to do with being a share-the-ball, strong passing team that creates good shots rather than what TV highlight gatherers look for: 3-point bombs and mean-mugging slam dunks.
NBC’s Peacock streaming network will soon announce a new, exclusive, “Tuesdays With Tiger.” For $9.95 a week or $34.95 for a month of Tuesdays, you can follow Tiger Woods as he pours a bowl of cereal, checks his texts and shifts in his chair.
Bob Wischusen, Saturday for ESPN, provided a good, clean, clear call of Kings-Bruins NHL game. So why, as the radio voice of the NFL Jets, does he go to such foolish lengths to be heard as a hysterical, unhinged homer? Why would he do that to us and to him?
A Thorne On Their Side: Last week in Connecticut, Gary Thorne, now 75, called a high school hockey game, Kent vs. Canterbury. Thorne’s grandson, Gio DiGiulian, soon to play for Cornell on scholarship, scored twice, including the winner. And Gio’s father, Damian, head hockey coach at Saint Michael’s College (Vt.) and Thorne’s son-in-law, did color.
It’s tough watching MLB Network on issues of rules, authority and administration knowing that Ken Rosenthal, of Fox baseball fame, was tossed by MLBN because he allegedly didn’t play patty-cake with Rob Manfred.
Ticketmaster is like the weather. Everyone complains about it but no one does anything about it.
There’s no comparing Clark to Maravich
The problem with modern hype is that it’s too often devoid of significant context. Yes, Iowa’s Caitlin Clark is a phenomenal scorer — and passer — deserving of all the records she has set and the attention they bring.
But this now often-repeated and shown comparison data showing Clark approaching LSU’s Pete Maravich’s college career scoring record is primed to become apples-to-onions, context-barren history.
We’ll let reader Jim Curnal handle the rest:
“Maravich’s record 3,667 points was accomplished in just three seasons as freshmen were not eligible. Pistol Pete averaged 44.2 ppg.
“Throw in the three-point shot — he often shot from a different time zone — and at a minimum he’s at 4,600 points. Had he been allowed to play four years [as has Clark], he’s at 6,000 points.
“Congratulations to Caitlin, but their names don’t belong in the same zip code, never mind the same sentence.”
