My kid is going off to college — and I’m going with them
When it came to raising their kids, Chad and Laura Mitchell didn’t miss a beat.
And when flutist daughter Kahley got ready to fly the family coop in Northern Virginia to pursue a Bachelor of Arts in Music Performance at Penn State in 2020, the pair realized they’d miss more than just the sweet sounds of the then-18-year-old’s whistle — they’d miss being her parents.
“We still wanted to be there for her — to support her through the drastic transition from high school to college and to be there for her performances,” Chad, vice president of TD Bank’s Corporate and Public Affairs, told The Post.
“So we moved to her college town.”
Relocating four hours away from their home of three decades to State College, Pennsylvania — a move that classified Kahley as an “in-state student” and saved the Mitchells thousands in tuition — was a “family decision,” said Chad, himself a Penn State alum.
“I was happy to make the move,” said Laura. “I think we created a bit of sanctuary away from the competitiveness of her major and gave her time to decompress, ask for advice and talk through any challenges she was facing.”
Chad and Laura are just one example of a current trend, where moms and dads are changing zip codes along with their children. And, in many cases, it’s to escape a life of loneliness.
According to May 2023 research from the Hunan Normal University in China, 43% of parents whose adult children no longer reside in the family home grapple with depression due to separation from their kids.
Like so many, Westchester single dad Jeff Vasishta has been feeling the pangs of having to part ways with his brood — and has tried his best to make a new nest for himself near daughter Milaan’s college campus.
“She’s been accepted to Bennington in Vermont, which is her dream school, and I’m excited for her,” the 55-year-old told The Post. “But I’d like to go with her.”
At the top of the year, the Brit-turned-New Yorker found himself pricing three-bedroom houses in the Green Mountain State. He planned to live there part time to be closer to the 18-year-old when she moves out in August.
“It’s purely selfish of me,” conceded Vasishta. “But just thinking about not being with her makes me feel lonely already.”
Novelist Vasishta also confessed to dreading the day his youngest daughter, Samara, a 16-year-old soccer prodigy, kicks it out on her own.
“I love being with my girls,” he said. “Whether it’s discussing books with Milaan or practicing with Samara — we just have so much fun together.”
And the pangs of empty-nesterhood aren’t limited to everyday commoners.
Michelle Pfeiffer, Christie Brinkley, Rob Lowe and other A-listers have groaned over watching their little hatchlings take flight.
Gwyneth Paltrow, 51, recently revealed that the thought of bidding farewell to both daughter Apple, 19, a sophomore at Vanderbilt University, and son Moses, 17, is one she’s “not [handling] very well.”
One expert cautioned that a family move should not be about a parent’s angst and should instead focus on the child’s interests.
“The reasons for moving should be to focused on meeting the needs of the young adult — eg, need more parent support, living at home instead of dorms, additional executive functioning support, etc.,” Yamalis Diaz, a child & adolescent psychologist at NYU Langone Health, told The Post. “Identifying some of your child’s social-emotional needs and ways that a parent could be supportive to them as they transition to college could help the family make a collaborative decision about making that move.”
After all, for the kids, the idea of parting is not always so sorrowful.
Kahley Mitchell admitted her eyes widened in shock at the news that her parents and younger brother Charles, 18, would be moving six minutes away from her college grounds.
In fact, Langone’s Diaz reiterated that parents should fully “engage” with their children about the “pros and cons” of making such a move.
“This is such an important transition time for them to feel increasingly independent, so making a decision like this without their input will feel like the exact opposite of fostering independence,” Diaz told The Post. “Imagine teaching them to drive and never letting them drive a car. How are they to become good drivers if you never let them drive?”
But, Kahley told The Post, having mom and dad within spitting distance has turned out to be an A+ asset.
“It’s really nice having my parents close by — they’ve been my support system,” said the graduating senior.
In fact, the zillennial has grown so comfortable with her folks being around that she’s actually ditched the dorms to bunk at their house. It’s a budget-friendly move that more than half of her generation is making due to the recently sky-high cost of living.
And Kahley said it’s like living every cash-strapped college kid’s dream.
“My parents’ move [near my school] has been such a good way for me to save money.”
Jaden Reed’s folks faced less hesitation on their daughter’s part. When the aspiring communications major packed her bags for Iowa State University in 2020, her parents were loading up their luggage as well.
“My mom actually got a job at my school and moved 15 minutes away from campus,” Reed, 21, told The Post.
Her parents — who chose not to be named for privacy purposes — ditched family digs in the Quad Cities region in Eastern Iowa for the multihour hike to Reed’s turf.
The Gen Zer initially winced at the thought of being under their watchful eyes while out on dates and at parties.
“I literally thought I was going to see them everywhere I went,” said Reed. “But my mom and dad really give me space to live my life and enjoy my independence.”
So far, Vasishta hasn’t had the same luck getting his daughter on board. His high hopes to plant new roots in Vermont were axed by an unenthused Milaan.
“She gave me a such a quizzical look like, ‘Come on, dad! Really?’” he chuckled.
The girl’s grimace was the reality check Vasishta needed.
“I just ditched the whole idea … I could tell she wants her own space. And I need to live my own life.
“But I will be FaceTiming her every day.”
