My future daughter-in-law called me a ‘jerk’ over this wedding dress act
A woman shared a contentious family situation on social media and asked others for input after a future daughter-in-law – the bride-to-be – tried to direct the choice of dress for the upcoming wedding, with unsuccessful results.
Asked the older woman recently on the Reddit page known as “Am I the a–hole,” “AITA for apparently making the wedding all about me by being difficult and not taking off work to go dress shopping?”
The mother-in-law travels for work Monday through Friday, she told others.
“I have been getting on a plane every Monday and getting back on Friday due to a project needing to be supervised,” she wrote on the platform.
Meanwhile, her future daughter-in-law, she said, works “four days a week … 10-hour shifts.”
The older woman, calling herself “BrilliantMuffin1405” on Reddit, said the younger woman “wants to [meet] up to get a dress for the wedding. She wants to be there when I get a dress. Originally, I was just going to wear the same dress I wear for all weddings (long blue dress), but she wanted me to wear something else since it will match her bridesmaids.”
So, wrote the future mother-in-law, she checked her calendar and saw that “Sunday would be the best day to do this. We are both off. She told me no, since that is her rest day.”
Then the bride “asked for Monday,” said the older woman.
“I told her I can’t and have to work. Then I suggested Friday or Saturday after work – [but] those got shut down” as well.
The younger woman, she added, “wants me to take off work. I then suggested she send me examples of what she wants, and I’ll shop by myself and buy something like the examples. Also, shut down.”
The mother-in-law said, “After much back and forth, I told [her] that [I] will just wear the blue dress. This started an argument, and she called me a jerk.”
She continued, “My son is mad that I am making the wedding about me and not taking off work. I don’t think I am being unreasonable.”
In an update to her post, the woman wrote that her son wanted her to share her story on Reddit to see what others said about it. He then “told me I can wear the blue dress and that it won’t be an issue.”
So far, she added, “no response [from] future DIL.”
More than 8,000 people reacted to the post to date, with more than 2,000 posting comments.
The woman was deemed “NTA” by others on the platform.
Dr. Kathy Wilkerson, a licensed clinical psychologist who is based in California and who handles many relationship issues, acknowledged how challenging such family situations can be.
“Everyone has very busy lives and everyone wants to try to make the other people happy without going too far out of their own way,” she told Fox News Digital in an email.
“The original poster is not having a difficult schedule and not being willing or able to take time off from work. Some projects cannot be left alone, unsupervised. I’m assuming that since she has to travel there every week, her presence on-site is critical.”
Added Nickerson, “What I would suggest is that she tell her future daughter-in-law that she wants to make her happy, and she understands this is a very important day.”
As such, she continued, the “future DIL should pick out three dresses that she would be happy for [the original poster] to wear and she [the future mother-in-law] will pick one of those three.”
Said Nickerson, “The goal in these situations is always compromise without giving up too much. Be as flexible as you can and always validate the other person’s feelings, even if you don’t agree.”
Wrote another person with a much blunter message for the woman, “I’d keep your son’s room ready for him. He’ll be back.”
The top comment on Reddit about the family drama, which earned some 13,000 “upvotes,” contained the following thoughts: “You’ve offered reasonable suggestions to make this work, and she’s shot down each of them. That’s not your fault. Why is she so invested in being there with you? Surely you can pick out a dress in a fit and style that would be appropriate and suitable.”
This commenter also said of the bride-to-be, “She is incapable of compromise. I’d have lost my temper at ‘that’s my rest day’ … No marriage can be happy without the ability to compromise.”
Said the same person, “Is she always like this, about everything? If so, your son is making a huge mistake and marrying someone who will make his life hell.”
Another person directed thoughts to the son: “Apologize to your mom and tell your fiancée that she either needs to accept that your mom will wear the blue dress, allow your mom to select her own dress of the appropriate color – OR commit to a shopping trip on a day your mom is off work.”
