Men are just ‘bad texters’ — and NYC women have had enough of their excuses
Maybe he’s a bad texter — or maybe he’s just not that into you.
That’s the question on Adrianna Guerrero’s mind when the single 42-year-old texts eligible bachelors, only to be burdened with a lackluster conversation akin to pulling teeth.
Instead, the Big Apple project manager expects “responsiveness and actual engagement” when texting — otherwise, she thinks they’re just not interested in her.
“I mean, everybody’s really busy,” she told The Post. “There’s moments where I’m really busy and I just don’t want to text someone, but if I do really want to text someone, I will.”
Being a “bad texter,” then, is a poor excuse.
Most women have been victims of the self-proclaimed “bad texter” — a boyfriend, lover or husband who barely replies to messages, and, if he does, the conversation is plagued with dry responses.
Despite the unanimous agreement that the behavior is a glaring red flag, the aforementioned “bad texter” — a phenomenon that recently drummed up debate on TikTok, while women lament their dating woes online — still haunts single women, especially in NYC where it is notoriously difficult to date.
“The opportunity to communicate or connect with someone becomes slim to none when you can’t even get a text back,” NYC-based single Tahirah Jarrett, 33, told The Post.
She lamented the feeling of being “disposable” by bachelors who “have a tendency to get really distracted very easy” and are likely texting multiple women at once, hence the bone-dry texts and indifference.
And it’s not just single ladies. When The Post hit the streets, women in relationships also said their boyfriends and husbands were guilty of bad texting, too, though none would provide their names for fear of causing a relationship rift.
Ariana, a 29-year-old nursing student who declined to give her last name, described men’s texting habits as “short,” lamenting that they tend to cherry-pick the parts of long texts they want to answer while ignoring the parts they don’t. It’s something, she admitted with a laugh, that her boyfriend is guilty of.
“I know he doesn’t mean anything bad by it, but he is just such a short texter, like one-word texts,” she told The Post, adding that she is now “used to it” after three years of dating.
After all, “a lot of men text like that,” she added.
But unresponsiveness doesn’t always equal disinterest, although it can, NYC dating coach Connell Barrett told The Post. Sometimes, guys just “don’t know how to flirt.”
“A big reason why men struggle with this is because many men are just by nature very analytical and logical,” he explained. “They speak and communicate in a logical, informational way, and information and logic is the opposite of romance.”
Barrett’s clients often become so “stuck” on what to say — unable to conjure up something engaging or witty — and they simply “give up,” which backfires and makes a potential flame fizzle out.
Miranda Felix, 18, and Carolina Martinez, 21, both digital marketing interns, believe that the inability to hold an engaging conversation means men are afraid to be emotionally vulnerable, lamenting that the “hard to get” behavior is causing them to “lose hope” when dating.
“If you’re not really engaging in what I’m saying it’s kind of annoying,” said Guerrero, who also complained it’s often “touch and go,” sometimes as long as 12 hours without a reply.
Playing the waiting game — whether it’s hours, or even days, to text after a first date, or pacing replies to not seem too eager — is “so annoying,” bemoaned 27-year-old entrepreneur Morgane Rondot, who prefers someone who texts back quickly.
“Maybe when you’re a teenager it works, but when you’re 27 years old, you don’t want that anymore,” France-based Rondot, who previously lived in NYC, told The Post.
Barrett is convinced that failing to wait an arbitrary yet socially acceptable amount of time before sending a post-date text is nonsense.
“The perfect cadence is whenever you want,” he said, adding that earlier and sooner is better. “I like men to give women the gift of clarity and certainty.”
In short, if you like her, “don’t play a game.”
He added: “You’re not going to come across as needy or eager as long as you are not a needy, eager person.”
For guys who might need to fine-tune their flirting — lest they send dry and lifeless texts — Barrett, otherwise known as “the real-life Hitch,” has digital dating down to an exact science.
He recommends three components to master the treacherous art of texting: personalize messages, add some G-rated playfulness and keep it short and sweet, with messages ranging between 20 to 25 words.
But the goal is not a permanent pen pal, he warned. As a general rule of thumb, he advises bachelors to ask their love interest on a date after discussing two topics, instead of scrambling to find a fifth, sixth or seventh talking point to keep the conversation alive.
If all else fails, frustrated women sick of text tag and lackluster conversation can also make the first move, from a subtle hint to a blatant ask-out.
“I wish women didn’t have to do this, but hey, it’s okay to drop a handkerchief or give an assist,” Barrett said, adding that some men fear rejection.
“She could say, ‘Is there any place you would like to take me?’ That’s a that’s a really good way to phrase it.”
