Decorated Army officer from New York comes out as gay in obituary: ‘I’ll forever rest in peace’
After a lifetime of secrecy, a decorated Army veteran from New York has come out as gay in his obituary.
In a final message to the world, Col. Edward Thomas Ryan of Albany, 85, said he had always known his sexual orientation but was “afraid of being ostracized.”
“I must tell you one more thing. I was Gay all my life: thru grade school, thru High School, thru College, thru Life,” Ryan’s last words stated in the obituary that family members say he penned himself before he succumbed to cancer.
Despite keeping his sexuality under wraps, Ryan revealed he was still lucky to enjoy a 25-year “loving and caring relationship” with a man named Paul Cavagnaro — whom he described as the “love of my life.”
According to the Vietnam War veteran’s nephew, Joseph Ryan, the couple’s relationship was something of an open secret in the family.
“He was a private person,” Joseph Ryan, 68, of Rensselaer, told The Post.
“They would go on vacation. Once he did retire, he would take a month off, and they would just put down where they wanted to go, any place in the world,” he added.
“So, we kind of knew, but he wasn’t one that would come right out and say anything … Our family isn’t one that tries to say anything about people.”
Col. Ryan — who was awarded several prestigious medals throughout his military career — was mainly fearful of being “shunned” by his Army colleagues.
For most of the brave soldier’s career, same-sex relations were grounds for discharge, even being explicitly banned from 1982 until 1994, when the Clinton administration enacted the controversial “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policy.
Even after retiring within the last decade, Ryan was scared he would be court-martialed for being an openly gay man, his nephew said — a decision the decorated veteran came to regret in death.
“I’m sorry for not having the courage to come out as Gay. I was afraid of being ostracized: by Family, Friends, and Co-Workers. Seeing how people like me were treated, I just could not do it,” Col. Ryan wrote in his obituary.
“Now that my secret is known, I’ll forever Rest in Peace.”
After succumbing to his battle with intestinal cancer — possibly contracted from his proximity to Agent Orange during the Vietnam War — Col. Ryan donated his body to the Anatomical Gift Program at Albany Medical College.
After students are done using his cadaver, his body will be cremated and buried alongside Cavagnaro, who died in 1994 from a medical procedure gone wrong.
When asked whether his uncle’s final message to the world was shocking to his family, Joseph Ryan said it was a long time coming.
“He was quiet, but he was bold. It’s been inside him all this time,” Joseph Ryan said, noting that the significance of his uncle’s coming out occurring during Pride Month is not lost on the family.
After serving in the Army’s 10th Brigade, Col. Ryan stayed on in the military branch as the chef at East Greenbush American Legion Post #1231.
He also worked as a fireman in his lifelong hometown of Rensselaer — where his family history dates back some 200 years — and helped found the radio station WHRL-FM in Albany.
His military service led to a litany of honors, including the National Defense Service Medal and the Defense of Liberty Medal for “participation to the State following the attack on America, 11 September 2001.”
More importantly, Col. Ryan’s loss has already left a considerable hole in his family.
“He was always cheerful,” Joseph Ryan recalled.
“He always showed up at family events, and he always brought trays of food so everybody was fed well. He always sent his sisters and family flowers and stuff for birthdays, holidays. He never forgot anybody’s birthday.”
