Hot diggity dog, can we take another blow? This country was already protest weary, trial weary and deeply divided by Team USA’s Caitlin Clark snub.
Then on Tuesday, The Post’s Steve Cuozzo exclusively reported that world champion glizzy guzzler Joey Chestnut had been bounced from the July 4th Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Competition because he signed a deal with fake frank maker, Impossible Foods.
The news reverberated online with a consensus of shock and outrage.
Barstool Sports demanded “Free Joey Chestnut.” Every media outlet from Food and Wine to The Hollywood Reporter to the New York Times jumped on the story. Folks flooded social media bemoaning the move as unAmerican and unpatriotic: a lapse in our national conscience.
How could the best to ever do it — the main draw — be sidelined?
The adult entertainment industry, meanwhile, tried to capitalize. CamSoda, an adult cam site, offered the “superstar glizzy gladiator” up to $1 million to headline its first annual inuenndo heavy Weiner Wallop — which sounds like a porno but is actually a hot-dog eating contest held on our nation’s birthday.
Reps at Major League Eating, which is behind the annual Nathan’s contest, issued a statement saying they were “devastated to learn that Joey Chestnut has chosen to represent a rival brand.”
Cuozzo reported that Chestnut was paid $200,000 to appear in the 2023 contest and offered a $1.2 million, four-year contract with Nathan’s. An MLE rep told The Post that, “In return for his fees to appear and compete, Joey agreed every single year to a very simple exclusivity provision — that he would not endorse or sponsor another hot dog brand.”
Chestnut disputed much of this, tweeting that he was “gutted” by the news and “I do not have a contract with MLE or Nathan’s and they are looking to change the rules from past years as it relates to other partners I can work with.”
We likely won’t know the truth until the definitive “30 for 30” is made, revealing all. (But hopefully not the ingredients of the hot dogs. I’m content to be in the dark about that.)
However, staging the Nathan’s hot dog eating contest without Joey Chestnut is like having Christmas without Santa Claus.
Chestnut first claimed the coveted mustard belt in 2007, snatching it from Japanese compeitive eating legend Takeru “Tsunami” Kobayashi.
It was moment of national pride — as if the California native has planted Old Glory and reclaimed Coney Island for America. He’s gone on to win 16 more times. In 2021, Chestnut hoovered his way to a stunning world record of 76 dogs and buns.
Let’s be frank here. A deal with fake meat is, surely, sacrilege. A betrayal. Hot dog heresy. And I say this despite having abstained from meat for more than two decades.
Nathan’s has buttered Chesnut’s buns for over a decade now and he can’t just go around signing up with fake lab meat. It’s like endorsing Coke, only to turn around and sign with Pepsi thinking it would be kosher.
But here’s the magic of the Independence Day dog debauchery, which is televised by ESPN.
Dietitians and preachy vegans aside, Nathan’s contest might be the last unifying event in America. It’s completely devoid of politics or partisan opinions. It’s just red, white and blue — with a side of yellow mustard.
It’s a contest that represents the best and worst of America. Gluttony, excess and, yes, the love of competition and sheer possibility. The idea that Manifest Destiny can refer not just to our national borders but also the bounds of our stomachs.
It’s been speculated that, in Chestnut’s absence, the little known Geoffrey Esper — who finished second last year, consuming 49 dogs to Chestnut’s 62 — would take the mustard belt.
No offense to Esper, but it’s like replacing Michael Jordan with a journeyman.
Chestnut, an affable everyman doing elite things, is the best of us. A walking symbol of American greatness.
For the health of our nation — spiritually, not medically speaking — we need Chestnut to appear and compete. Nathan’s, MLE and Chestnut must come to the table and show that we can still mend our differences.
Let’s squash this beef and let the man eat.
