I'm a sex and relationships expert, here's why I went celibate: Jana Hocking

Here’s a sentence I never thought I would be uttering … Celibacy is so hot right now.

I kid you not: TikTok, the oracle of all upcoming trends, has called it. Celibacy is in and sex is out.

So cross your legs, ladies! Zip up your pants, gents!

Because you know a trend has reached its peak when celebrities are harping about it in interviews far and wide. With Lenny Kravitz, Julia Fox and even Lady Gaga raving about the benefits of giving it up — clear minds, better decision-making, more brain space to focus on other things.

Now that all sounds fabulous, but where do our hormones go? Do we bury them deep inside?

That sounds really horrible.

So it’s no surprise that I pooh-poohed this idea at first. My belief has always been that sometimes all you need for a bit of stress relief is a good old romp. But, never one to skip a trend, I decided to give it a go.

So for three months, I dated solidly and didn’t put out once. I was queen of the blue balls.

Facilitator of the c–k block. Frigid flirt of the dating scene.

I had many realizations during this time, and it honestly was an eye-opening experience. So let me share with you the pros and cons of abstaining from that glorious thing known as boinking.

Pro: It divided the good guys from the time-wasters

The first thing I noticed is how many guys just assume sex is guaranteed on first dates these days. Don’t get me wrong, I would be offended if a handsome guy didn’t at least try to get me nude after a date, but their shock when I said no was almost comical.

I had two separate guys continue to try even after I had hopped in my Uber home. I received thirsty texts such as “Are you sure? I can get an Uber straight to yours” and “Babe! Seriously? Let’s have some fun!”

OK, so clearly these guys were hoping for a bit of action and not much else, because I did not hear from them afterward, but the ones who were cool with it are still in the picture. Bravo, gents.

Con: I was horny as hell

Honestly, a hint of wind across the nips and I was ready to get down and freaky with almost anyone. Why is it that when we’re not allowed something, we want it more. Bad boys, ice cream, sex. It’s a cruel, cruel world. I don’t know why people are saying it clears the mind — for me, it made me think of nothing but sex.

Pro: I looked damn classy

It’s quite empowering to have the upper hand when it comes to sex. The sexual tension is glorious and it makes the wait worthwhile. Well, not technically on the first go, that’s fairly quick. But the second go, well, that’s worth waiting for.

Con: If I’m being completely honest, I was a bit grumpy

Sex has always been a good release of dopamine. A lovely way to stop the brain from thinking about anything other than what’s going on in the current moment. Without it, you’re left with ALL your thoughts. And you never want to be left with ALL of them.

I spoke to OnlyFans couple and relationship experts Stace and Ty about why they think this trend is ridiculous and they said: “How do you discover what you do/don’t want sexually if you’re not having sex? In our line of work, I would encourage individuals to deeply understand why they want to explore celibacy and to work on the fundamental, underlying issue rather than using sex as a scapegoat.”

“Unless they have experienced trauma, which is a different conversation, I would encourage them to be open-minded and not close off anything completely.”

“Sex and relationships can be an impactful teacher for self-discovery, as long as you’re approaching them with curiosity and staying true to your own values.”