Penis size-predicting dating app matches couples’ sexual mojo using just photos of their hands
Give the lady a hand.
Women have forever been sneaking peeks at a man’s mitts in an effort to determine the size of his penis.
Now, one curious gal — who confesses to being obsessed with the paws of her prospective paramours — has developed a titillating new tool that she claims can deliver an accurate prediction and more using just a photo of their hand.
Brand strategist Triin Randloo, creator of SizeHim, was busy on another project with a team of anatomists and physiotherapists when she mentioned how she always asked potential dates for photos of their hands.
That was when “they explained to me that hand proportions can tell what is in the pants and that when your body proportions are similar with your partner’s, there’s a higher probability that you will have a really good sex life,” the entrepreneurial Estonian, 40, told The Post.
“And as we know, sex is one of the bases for a long-lasting relationship.”
The hand really can tell us a lot, Randloo and her curious crew confirmed — when a couple’s proportions were similar, there is a higher likelihood of a physical match, which increases the odds of great sex.
The resulting website allows the curious to unveil a wealth of information — simply by uploading a photo of a man’s hand, as well as your own, giving you not only the salacious details of what to expect between his legs but also a report on your overall chances of compatibility and sexual suggestions.
The site even cheekily offers two universally important queries:
“There are two questions that unconsciously affect all of us: How much money? What is in the pants? It is challenging for us to determine the size of one’s bank account, but what we can tell you is what is in the pants.”
The tool uses 21 formulas, including finger length, all based on the team’s research, along with an algorithm that takes the scan or scans and tells you everything you want to know — without even needing to peek in the pants.
Use of the site starts at just over $3 per month.
“Our bodies vary inside and out, two partners are like a puzzle, so it helps a lot if body parts are clicking like they’re made for each other,” Kirki Kubri, a sex specialist who worked on SizeHim, told The Post.
The site’s calculations will then predict which of the seven penis types — curved UP Banana/C-Shape, bender, cucumber, big shaft, big head, mushroom or pencil — the person likely has, the odds of your physical sexual compatibility and even give suggestions of what sexual positions would feel best with this sexy combo.
The Post received a report based on a hand that was forecasted to belong to a man falling into the “big head” category.
“Get ready for earth-shattering sex!” the description read. “This penis has a narrow body and big head that will fill the receiver completely for next-level simulation. The big head penis strikes instant fear in some whilst making others weak in the knees. One thing’s for sure, this penis is not for the faint of heart!”
When getting freaky with this type, SizeHim suggested trying “The Crab” position. (Time to break out the Kama Sutra.)
However, when tested on a random male Post colleague, the app didn’t size up to expectations, suggesting that the testee had a “C-shaped” appendage with a “noticeable curve,” described as “a rare beauty that’s the perfect treat” by the app.
“I assure you, no one has ever said that about my penis,” the staffer said with a laugh.
However, the potentially handy helper comes as the masses burn out on apps and disposable dating — and could wind up helping the jaded to narrow down their choices before hooking up, according to its inventors.
“This gives us one very good way to assess compatibility with each other … or provide a little encouragement to move to the next level or not,” Kubri said.
Or, at the very least, it’s a sexy, funny party trick.
