Death becomes them.
The denizens of the Arconia are back at it with murder mysteries, amateur detective work and world class one liners.
Season three of the Emmy Award winning Hulu show premieres August 8.
The series follows a trinity of true crime enthusiasts (and probable fixed signs) played by Selena Gomez, Steve Martin and Martin Short as they trauma bond over bloodshed, clues and the lies they tell each other.
Season one found the three tracking down a killer among their high-end neighbors while season two detailed their journey to exonerate themselves in a second murder. Season three ended with yet another shocking death.
Oh, and it’s a comedy.
Last season saw the addition of Paul Rudd and Cara Delevingne to the cast as a dead actor and a dubious artist, respectively.
This season the show will be graced by the addition of Meryl Streep and Jesse Williams.
The official character description reveals that Williams will play “a documentarian with a particular interest in the case” and Streep will play a broadway actress.
Read on to learn which “Only Murders In the Building” character aligns with your zodiac sign.
ARIES (March 21 – April 19)
Cinda Canning (Tina Fey)
At their worst, Aries folk fire off at the mouth with little regard for how their verbal shrapnel will land.
As the first sign in the zodiac they have a rollicking and endearing kind of kid energy that when gone unchecked can develop into full blown tyranny as it has in the case of Cinda, played by Tina Fey.
In true Aries fashion, Cinda is allergic to slow motion and addicted to chaos, telling the trio “Embrace the mess. That’s where the good stuff lives.”
TAURUS (April 20 – May 20)
Donna Williams (Da’Vine Joy Randolph)
Taurus folk can be hard working and self-punishing, prioritizing gains; professional, capital and otherwise over their personal relationships.
Bulls tend to both crave and resent the work they do.
As a fixed earth sign, Taureans like Donna struggle to change course or surrender habits when their minds have been set, qualities we see in Donna’s smoking habit and initial refusal to entertain the possibility of murder in Tim Kono’s death.
Runner up in the running of the bulls is Teddy Dimas, played with aplomb by Nathan Lane.
A loyal deli running, grave robber with a taste for the finer things, Teddy strikes back violently at the mildest whiff of betrayal and his attempts at fatherly love look markedly like control.
GEMINI (May 21 – June 20)
Howard Morris (Michael Cyril Creighton)
Gemini is the third sign in the zodiac and its resident busy body.
Apropos of this, Howard Morris lives in apartment 3C and loves to talk smack, spill tea, lodge formal complaints and “spread hot goss.”
Equal parts mercurial and curious, Geminis curate a wide and strange plethora of interests, point proven by cat enthusiast and yodelshop quartet captain Howard.
CANCER (June 21 – July 22)
Bunny Folger (Jayne Houdyshell)
Cancer rules the fourth house of home and ancestry and is deeply tied to the past and its traditions.
In turn, Cancer queen Bunny Folger lived her entire life in the same Arcona apartment, eventually rising to rule over it as a long serving board president hell bent on preserving the building’s legacy.
Cancers often display a tough exterior shell that belies their true, and truly tender natures.
We see this in Bunny whose hard edges and harsh words are a front for her generosity and secret sweetness and who advises, in true water sign fashion, “Don’t let yourself only love one thing – because if you only love one thing and that one thing foes away, well, then you’re left with nothing. And that sucks.”
LEO (July 23 – August 22)
Oliver Putnam (Martin Short)
Leo is ruled by the sun and natives often confuse themselves with it.
Gregarious with delusions of grandeur, Oliver, played by Martin Short, represents some of the high and low qualities of the lion pride.
Siphoning his son’s college fund to fund his Broadway show?
Big time Leo vibes. Leo is the sign of royalty and purple the power color of monarchs.
In kind, Oliver wears a lot of it.
For all their pomp and self-importance, Leos rally hard for the underdog both literal and metaphorical, a fact made evident in Oliver’s affections for Winnie, his maligned bulldog.
VIRGO (August 23 – September 22)
Poppy White (Adina Verson)
Virgo rules the sixth house of service and Poppy White, played by Adina Verson, makes good on the association as Cinda’s “rockstar assistant.”
Virgo is ruled by Mercury, the fast moving planet of communication and exchange, an influence we can see in the quick and anxious way Poppy speaks and presents.
Virgo is hard working and long suffering, ever willing to put up with more than they should because of either a martyr complex or the self-sabotaging belief that they don’t deserve anything easy or comfortable.
Yet, pity the fool that pushes them too hard or underestimates their cunning as these folks top the list of the most dangerous signs in the zodiac.
With her direct and meticulous nature and deep desire to improve the Arcona, Nina Lin played by Christine Ko, is an easy successor to Poppy in the Virgo territory.
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LIBRA (September 23 – October 22)
Sting (Sting)
Playing himself in season one, real life Libra and mono named tantric sex daddy Sting plays to the strengths and weaknesses of his sun sign.
Libras like to be liked, are averse to conflict, avowed to diplomacy and struggle with accountability, qualities we see in Sting who accelerated his plans to leave the Arcona in the wake of his fallout with Tim.
Libras like the finer things and react badly when their comforts or assets are compromised, a fact made evident in Sting’s suggestion that Tim ‘kill himself’ after the latter mismanaged the former’s funds.
SCORPIO (October 23 – November 21)
Mabel Mora (Selena Gomez)
Scorpio is synonymous with spookiness; their season coincides with the end of the harvest and the onset of Halloween.
The secret of Mabel’s zodiac sign can be found in her color palette; our girl wears a lot of black, the power hue of Scorpio who rules the eighth house of sex, death and transformation.
Black is symbolic of the moment when all things dissolve before taking on new form, it is also the customary color of grief, a familiar feeling for Mabel.
Our prickly heroine also frequently sports marigold hues; colors and flowers synonymous with The Day of the Dead and the practice of mourning.
SAGITTARIUS (November 22 – December 21)
Lucy (Zoe Colleti)
Sagittarius rules the ninth house of philosophy, expansion and higher learning and with her enviable style and Gen Z perspective, Lucy has much knowledge to bestow.
Sagittarians are noted for their optimism and ‘no sweat, no foul’ approach to conflict, a modality we see in Lucy who easily forgives Charles for his half decade absence from her life and quickly picks up the warm rapport.
Archers are freedom loving folk and true to form, Lucy rocks sneakers even under her formal wear to ensure she can always and ever make a clean and comfortable getaway.
CAPRICORN (December 22 – January 19)
Alice Banks (Cara Delevingne)
Capricorn is the great strategist of the zodiac. With the initiatory energy of a cardinal sign and the pragmatism of the element of earth they are out to get theirs and build what needs building by any means necessary.
We see this in artist and charlatan Alice Banks, played by Cara Delevingne. Represented by the sea goat they are born with a desire to ascend.
At best this makes them high achieving and entrepreneurial.
At worst and they can become callous social climbers, using others to their own advantage, a trajectory made manifest in Alice; ashamed of her humble origins she feigns an aristocratic pedigree and emotionally manipulates/terrorizes Mabel for the sake of artistic inspiration.
Woof.
AQUARIUS (January 20 – February 18)
Charles-Haden Savage (Steve Martin)
Aquarius is fixed air, marked by a certain aloofness and an allegiance to strange habits.
We see both of these qualities in Charles, played by Steve Martin, a loner type who is big on sad, specific breakfast behaviors.
Additional evidence can be found in the fact that Charles is a brilliant musician and a deeply cerebral hater of hugs who admits “I’ve broken up with people for whispering loudly in movies or chewing weird.”
PISCES (February 19 – March 20)
Will Putnam (Ryan Broussard)
Pisces folk are a deeply compassionate ilk with heightened powers of perception and a boundless capacity for forgiveness. We see this psychic saintliness in Will Putnam, played by Ryan Broussard.
The sweet hearted son of hambone Oliver, Will knows the truth about his paternity but hides it from Oliver to spare his feelings and solidify his importance.
A dog saving, money lending wonder kid, Will loves his father both in spite and because of his problematic, self-important nature.
Astrology 101: Your guide to the star
- The 12 zodiac signs
- What are the astrology houses
- Here’s what each planet represents
- Sun, moon, and rising signs: Get to know your Big 3
Astrologer Reda Wigle researches and irreverently reports back on planetary configurations and their effect on each zodiac sign. Her horoscopes integrate history, poetry, pop culture and personal experience. She is also an accomplished writer who has profiled a variety of artists and performers, as well as extensively chronicled her experiences while traveling. Among the many intriguing topics she has tackled are cemetery etiquette, her love for dive bars, Cuban Airbnbs, a “girls guide” to strip clubs and the “weirdest” foods available abroad.
