Daniel Craig, urinating on his James Bond role, says, “No more.” Maybe 007 prefers back when he was nobody? Just 000?
And there’s NYPD “killer” Quentin Taranstinko, who’s also killing his new movie, which not only won’t pass “Go,” it’ll fail even making video. The thing’s headed to a sump dump.
Remember Katherine Heigl’s Judd Apatow film “Knocked Up”? She actually knocked it. And Alec Baldwin hated his own “Rock of Ages.” Hey, we did, too.
What’s with these ingrates? Some even razzberry roles that don’t suit their egos. Like “The Bonfire of the Vanities.” Offered to Tom Cruise. He said no. Tom Hanks said yes. What do I know? I loved it. Reese Witherspoon? Passed on “Fight Club.” Didn’t like the script. Helena Bonham Carter liked the script. And the salary. And played the part.
Sarah Jessica playing Carrie Bradshaw? They originally wanted Dana Delaney. Who whoever “they” are wanted whoever it was they wanted for “Cold Mountain.” But the one who got hot in it was Jude Law.
Mel Gibson, prior to his anti-Jewish rant, was handed 1989’s “Batman.” He burped uh-uh. Thought it would be a flop. Wrong. What was the flop was him. Pacino ixnayed the Richard Gere role in “Pretty Woman.” He thought it badly written. Jerry Lewis turned down Jack Lemmon’s star turn in “Some Like It Hot.” For this we were all grateful.
‘Name’ that film
André Aciman’s novel “Call Me by Your Name” is becoming a movie. It’s about a good kind boy meeting a good older gent. Result? Good hot sex. Playing these good people will be really great actors: Shia LaBeouf, who’s had a few arrests, plus Gere, who’s had a few divorces. The setting’s a house in Italy.
And the good news? Following quiet time after losing partner Ismail Merchant (“Howard’s End,” “A Room With a View,” “The Remains of the Day”) the director is award-winning James Ivory.
Batting our eyelashes
Bernadette Peters knows from appreciation. Easy, gracious, stunning, Broadway’s Drama League honored her Monday. Her size 2 body — one fitting only — in strapless tighttighttight burgundy floor-length Zac Posen. Both wrists, white diamonds, black diamonds, pearl, gold bracelets. “All mine. Nothing borrowed.” Coif? “Done by Elizabeth Taylor’s hairdresser.” Perfect makeup. “I do my own.”
And the big star conversation this glorious award night? She: “My eyelashes came from Ricky’s. Where’d you get yours?” Me: “Shanghai. A crateful for 25 cents.”
Bits & pieces
Joel Grey’s coming autobio is “Master of Ceremonies.” People he trashes are dead. Live ones had their names changed. About revelations, he throws murky hints. Like he drops the word “abuse” . . .
Earthlings say Ridley Scott, who’s never won an Oscar, could grab one for “The Martian.” They also mumble “Star Wars” won’t . . .
Speaking of “The Martian,” starring Matt Damon, anyone know he used to break-dance under the name “Matty D” in Harvard Square and do whatever the boogaloo is for spare change?
Odds & ends
Amy Schumer: “I think people hate women”. . .
Listen, you don’t know what to do in the fall? There’s a Foraging in Central Park Adventure for $15. Bring your own food . . .
Initial presidential war cry was: Get elected. Now it’s Get a legacy . . .
Fetty Wap wraps it up nicely. In Miami’s Fontainebleu he called it a night at 7 a.m.
After a dozen years reworking the Leaning Tower of Pisa so it doesn’t fall over, engineers are now descending on Washington, DC. The aim? Shore up Bernie Socialist, stick a spine in Jeb, and donate blood to Dr. Carson.
Oy, only in the USA, kids, only in the USA.