Ariana Grande is ready for 2019.
The 25-year-old “Thank U, Next” singer was honored Thursday night with Billboard’s Woman of the Year award, but during her acceptance speech, she shared that 2018 has been filled with ups and downs, including the death of ex-boyfriend Mac Miller and her failed engagement to Pete Davidson.
“I want to say that I find it interesting that this has been one of the best years of my career and the worst of my life,” she said (via People). “I’m not saying that for sympathy. I’m just saying that because I think a lot of people would look at someone in my position right now … and think, ‘She’s really got her s— together,’ ya know? Like, ‘She’s really on it.’ Like, ‘She’s got it all.’”
She continued, “I do, but as far as my personal life goes, I really have no idea what the f–k I’m doing, so yeah, it’s been a very conflicting one.”
Miller died in September of an overdose at the age of 26. As she struggled to cope with his passing, Grande’s new relationship began to crumble, and she and the “Saturday Night Live” star called off their engagement in October.
Though their split seemed amicable at first, Davidson since has blocked Grande on Instagram, leading some to believe it wasn’t as friendly as once thought.