Oprah’s Favorite Things feel downright frugal in comparison to the over-the-top finds featured in Goop’s 2019 holiday gift guide.
From five-figure bling to a quarter-million-dollar coffee table book to a pricey skincare tool that’ll make you look like a serial killer, Gwyneth Paltrow and co.’s annual edit is packed with “ridiculous but awesome” (their words, not ours) presents you truly have to see to believe.
Below, the Goopiest gifts of them all.
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1. Vram Gold Chrona Chandelier Earrings ($43,200)
To be fair, you’re getting two of them, which makes them $21,600 each, which is … still an awful lot for earrings.
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2. Kiki de Montparnasse Restraining Arts Kits ($1,350)
For the BDSM enthusiast who’s definitely not on a budget.
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3. Rolex x Colette Datejust Cosmos Watch ($35,420)
All that ice, and you’ll still probably just end up checking the time on your iPhone.
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4. Chanel Purse With Chain ($1,575)
Perplexingly, this was featured in Goop’s “Gift for Kids” guide.
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5. Dr. Dennis Gross DRx Spectralite Faceware Pro ($435)
Perfect for calming redness, clearing breakouts — and absolutely terrifying your family members.
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6. Banana Bros The Automatic Joint Roller ($130)
Because using your hands to roll your joints is just so pedestrian.
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7. Tuft + Paw Milo Cat Jungle Gym ($949)
Or you could just give your cat an old cardboard box for free; she’ll probably enjoy it just as much.
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8. Lunar Rock Edition of Norman Mailer's 'Moonfire' ($275,000)
This coffee table book comes with its very own meteorite.
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9. Proppr The Essential Bathroom Footrest ($220)
Gwyneth, you’ve gotta just call this one what it is: a $220 Squatty Potty.
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10. Goop x CB2 Firewood Tote ($499)
Would you spend $500 to lug around some logs?
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11. Kate McLeod Atelier Stone I ($65)
It doesn’t get Goopier than forking over $65 for a single bar of soap with a healing crystal embedded inside.
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12. Aura Chef Aura One Redwood & Turquoise Knife ($749)
For that price, it’d better prepare all your meals for you.
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13. Edie Parker Four in a Row Wonderstone Marble Set ($1,495)
Basically just a fancy version of Connect Four, which for the record costs $7.