History records George Washington calling democracies’ factions “fatal tendencies.” He told Jefferson he was not a “party man . . . The first wish of my heart is that if parties did exist, to reconcile them.”
Already working the phones, Joe’s not Biden his time. First call, Schumer. The senator was in Brooklyn. Outside. Meandering. Chuck held up his phone — a flip phone — so Biden could hear rah-rahs from the streets. Presumably, Schumer had told his co-meanderers who’s on the line or how could he have cued the congratulations? Anyway, for the transition, Biden’s talking to Schumer lots in coming weeks.
To populate an administration, his team’s checking the most bipartisan members of Congress. There’s a list of winners of this year’s US Chamber of Commerce “Jefferson-Hamilton Award for Bipartisanship.” It’s 24 countrywide House members. Donkeycrats and Republicans. Like one New Yorker is Congressman Anthony Brindisi. Who knows, maybe this Dem upstater gets tapped to be a cabinet staffer.
Censorship not amusing
Funny makes money. Jay Leno: “Louis C.K. in New York sold out. But when one person complained — that became the headline.” … Louis C.K.: “Saying a subject’s too terrible to joke about is like saying a disease is too terrible to cure.”… David Spade: “Sometimes I think about using a word. Even I’m scared about bits that might not work. Who wants to lose a career?” Paul Rodriguez: “P.C. obliterated careers of some great comics.”… Joe Rogan: “Not fun when people hate you or take your joke out of context — the realm of satire, fun, absurdity, talking s–t. The more we say how dishonest this is, the more it has less power.” Bill Burr: “Don’t like what a comic does, don’t go see him.” Marc Maron: “Some people no longer access a sense of humor.”
Still counting
In 40 years, an average vote change was 217 to 284. Largest shift was when Gore cut 1,247 votes off Bush’s lead in Florida. About .08 percent of absentee ballots — largest percentage being 1.5 percent — get rejected for no security envelope, signed illegibly, no witness, etc. In 58 elections, 2000 election was the only example this century. In 1888, with Harrison, the popular loser won the electoral, but no contest was made.
Hef’s ruby slippers
You’ve read that Hugh Hefner’s everything — including probably his drawers — got auctioned. Now his size 10 Di Fabrizio custom-made bedroom slippers hit eBay. They made an earlier 2018 auction but didn’t get bought. Maybe because the price is high — $2,500. Who knows if he even had a pedicure? … My thanks to Great Britain’s Tatler magazine and this month’s issue, which has a lengthy article on me. Also grateful to writer Ben Widdicombe for not taking the opportunity to pee on me.
Time to split
Chief Judge Janet DiFiore says courts have re-opened. They’re “meticulous,” accommodate social distancing, Plexiglas barriers, CV screening, temperature checks, face masks plus voice-recognition hardware to speed virtual sessions. Urgency is family court. Separations, divorces, alimony, neglect, abuse, juvenile delinquency, family offense, no support. Forget the I Dos. To be heard are the He Didn’ts and She Won’ts.
Fare at sea
As Earth slides downhill, I just came across the “first-class” dining menu for April 14, 1912’s Titanic: hors d’oeuvres, oysters, foie gras. Consommé or cream of barley. Salmon, filet mignon, chicken, lamb, duck, sirloin, squab. Sides: vegetable marrow Farci (whatever that is), mint sauce, apple sauce, mousseline sauce, vinaigrette sauce, cucumber, celery, asparagus, carrots, peas, rice, watercress, potatoes boiled, chateau-style or whatever’s Parmentier style. Dessert: Waldorf pudding, peaches in chartreuse jelly, chocolate and vanilla éclairs, French ice cream. Plus red burgundy.
‘I’ll never forget the first time I met him but I’m trying.”
Growled only in New York, kids, only in New York.